Spring Rain

"We're ready to study GOD,
eager for God-knowledge.
As sure as dawn breaks,
so sure is his daily arrival.
He comes as rain comes,
as spring rain refreshing the ground."
~Hosea 6:3 (The Message)

Spring rain... such beautiful sounds, as the droplets splash against the window. Distant thunder rumbled overhead. Spring is finally in the air. I was home in the afternoon because mom was not feeling well today. So I sat in the kitchen and stared out into the backyard.

Stared and pondered...

I have had writer's cramp all week. Thoughts filled my mind, but I could not put it down on paper. Weaknesses overcame me, but God was merciful. God was faithful. Like the spring rain, he pours His blessings upon us.

An awkward dream came to me last night. I usually do not remember my dream, but this one I remember vividly. In my dream, I was sentenced to be crucified. To be crucified because the world hated me. Everyone around me knew there was nothing they could do to alter the decision. The thought of nails, piercing through my hands freighted me. The date of the crucifixion was set. All I could do was to wait for the appointed time. But did I wait quietly? NO! I called all my non-believer friends, to share God's love with them while I still had the chance. I called Alan, to once again invite him to our church. I called the members of my Home Group, to ensure they had transportation to the program on Friday (even though I knew I would be no longer around to join them in the program too). I made sure I tied up all the loose ends. Then, the time came of my crucifixion arrived. And for some reason, it was postponed. Off I go calling people and sharing God's good news as if there was no tomorrow (well, to me, there IS no tomorrow). Then once again, at the appointed time, I arrive to face my fate. And once again, the crucifixion was postponed.

At the moment, I woke up...

At once, I knew God was talking to me. Within the last month, I have had two dreams where I had a short period of time I have left to live. And what should I do?

Our lives should be lived out as I did in my dream last night. We deserved to be crucified. But by God's grace, through Jesus' love for us on the cross, He took our place at the crucifixion. But, we tend to take that for granted. And there are no urgency in our life. What if, God told you that it's time to come home. Can you say you have run the good race?

The time to live out the great commission is now. God does not care what we will do for Him tomorrow. All He cares about is what we can do for Him NOW.

Well Rested

Well rested, and ready to continue "normal day life".

Normal day life of work? The normal routine of juggling church, family, work, friends, personal time? No. In the mist of the busyness over the last two weeks, I learn that's not the purpose of life. Yes, all these things are aspects in life, but not the main focus. At the end of the day, God is not interested in how involve you are with church, how close you are with your family, how hard you worked at the office, how many friends you have, or even how "spiritual" you are. Our life is for one purpose, and that "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." (John 4:34)

And what is His will? To serve in ministry? Yes, but also no. One could be serving for the sake of serving. One could be preaching because he like to preach. But that's not the reason why we should serve.

"You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
~Mark 12:32-33

We should serve because we care about the people.

"The Good Shepherd puts the sheep before himself."
~John 10:11 (THE MESSAGE)

We are called not only to serve, but to serve people. So now that I'm well rested, time to care about those around me, and serve them.

Lost and Found... All in God's Plans

What an interesting experience today. After helping Cherry, Janet and the rest of AFC staff clean up after TC, we ended at 2:00am this morning. And Albert realized he lost his wallet. He was pretty bummed out so we made plans to return to Young Nak early this morning to see if we can find it.

We planned to leave for Young Nak at 10am, but because of problems in uploading my TC pictures online, I did not leave my house until 10:20, and arriving at Young Nak at 10:35. When we arrive, we saw Cherry in the parking lot. She was waiting for the truck to arrive to return the rental A/V equipment. We we when inside together to look for Albert's wallet. And as soon as we stepped into Young Nak and into Al's team room, we found the wallet.

Praise the Lord.

Now since we are here, Al and I help loaded the equipment into the truck and returned the equipment together. God's timing is so funny. If Albert did not lose his wallet, we would not have returned to Young Nak. If I did not have computer problems in the morning, we would have arrived at Young Nak early and missed Cherry. And it would have the tough for the 3 guys to move all the equipment.

God has His plans in everything. And His plans is always perfect.

TC 2005 Coaching, Part 4

And it's finished. 2 weeks for Teen's Conference. 4 days. A bruised knee, a bad back, a cracking voice, but a renewed spirit.

Of the 4 days, plus two nights of prayer meetings, I must say this was the best day. It was the best day because God used so many people to speak to me.

In the morning, after our coach's prayer meeting, I ended up in the coach's coffee room chatting with Pastor Hoang Ho. I had to admit I skipped the morning message, but I've learn so much from Hoang. He gave be an insight on what being a pastor is like, and also a glimce into the culture and mentality of today's teens. But most importantly, the meaning of full-time ministry. I cannot describle how valuable this imformation is to me. Now I am even more excited for my studies at seminary and for God's purpose in my life.

After the chat with Hoang, I sat down with Peter Lau and had a time of catching up. I have not had the opportunity to have a good chat with Peter since I was serving in the planning commitee myself... that was at least 8 years ago. TC 1997. I still remember that all-nighter I pulled with Peter, rushing to get the handbook to the printers two days before TC, and the time I had to run out during TC to do grocries at Knob Hill Farm because we ran out of food at TC. Hahah... such memories. I told Peter about my calling into seminary, and boy, he was excited. I shared with me his experience in serminary and the workload I should prepare for. He also shared with me the year after I entered university, he had to step down as the co-ordinator of TC because of his workload in Tyndale, that when Cherry became the co-ordinator. We had a time of sharing and praying, and I could not hold back my tears.

After the two conversations, I was already tried and drained. Good thing that Diane and I found each other just before lunch time and we had a time to pray for the team and work on our game plan for the day.

I must admit, I can feel the team was quite tired from the day before. Many first time at TC, and I guess it is hard to keep up the energy level. But I think I did noitced was the teamwork and how the team gelled from yesterday. I guess it is an advantage of having a smaller size team, where everyone gets to know each other really well really fast. Through out the day, I had the opportunity to chat with a few of the teens and get to know them better. And also I had the chance to share the struggles in my Christian walk during our Group Study time. But I guess what got the team excited was when we dressed each other up in newspaper. And I didn't know why I agreed to Daniel and Joe's idea of dress me up in a newspaper bikini... but everyone had a good laugh and got our spirits up.

I gotta give it to Joe and Daniel. They were awesome as captains. And I can sense much potential with many member of the team, that God can use them greatly in His work. The must exciting thing was we have one person on the team accept salvation for the very first time. And to see many teen willing to take on the task to me light of the world, brought tears to my eyes. Lord, I pray that you will remind these your people of their commitment to you, and give them the strength to stand firm when tough times come.

The day did not end without some sort of attacks from Satan. Before the final worship session, one of the praise leader's voice suddenly became all hella wacked... so a bunch of us coaches had a emergence prayer huddle during worship. By God's grace, His protection was over all of us.

So tired... but statisfy and lifted up. Home by 2:00am after cleaning up and shipping everything back to AFC. Of course, we ate with the AFC staff too.

Photos:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2129140506

TC 2005 Coaching, Part 3

Oh, my old bones cannot take much more beatings. If it's not for God, I would not know where would I find strength.

Knee bruised, head pounding... I feel like I'm going to fall apart. I vow to never again be on the bottom of a 20 teens pile up... but as a coach, I guess I got to take one for the team. I just never thought I'll risk losing my life as a coach.

But as a coach, I'm a lot more comfortable this time around. I guess with experience, I know my role on the team. My role is to make ballon animals and bribe the Rec Leaders. :) But seriously, I now know my priorities and how I can connect with the teens throughout the day.

Also I learning a lot about leading Bible Studyings in creative ways.

One more day... Lord give me strength.

Photos:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2129140506

Come to Him, Covering Face, Covering Feet

Once again, I'm away at TC on Monday and Tuesday. Sorry for the lack of posting last week. I'll update as soon as I recover from the screaming and yelling. Please pray for me old bones to keep up with the energy of the young ones.

In His Serivce,
Joel

Scriptures Coming ALIVE!

Today a group of us went to see a stage production of the Gospel of John stage production. I was done by actor Brad Sherrill who memorized the whole NIV text of the Gospel of John and recited it with actions. It was quite an experience. As Brad was recited the lines, I cannot help but to mumble under my breathe the familiar passages. It reminds me how important it is to memorize the Scriptures.

Also, seeing the exact Scriptures being acted out, it was awesome to see the Scriptures come alive in a way I did not perviously imagine. It was amazing how differently God spoke to me through the Scriptures.

What hit me the most was one theme throughout the Gospel of John. Food. Yummy!!! You all know I love food. But what blew me away was the food we should seek.

"“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. Do you not say, ‘Four months more and then the harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”"
~John 4:34-37

"Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval."
~John 6:27

We are call to work not for food that will spoil... but for food that the Father is approved of, which is to do God's will and finish His work.

http://www.gospelofjohn.com/

One Thing

"Single minded, whole hearted, one thing I ask
That I may gaze upon Your beauty Oh Lord
That I may seek Your Holy Face
That I may know You in an intimate way
And follow after You all of my days

CHORUS:
All of life comes down to just one thing
and that's to know You oh Jesus and make You known"
~One Thing - Charlie Hall

This is a song I learn in TC this week. What a beautiful song, esp in the chorus. It opened my eyes. Only one thing matters in life: All of life comes down to just one thing and that's to know You oh Jesus and make You known.

Our whole purpose in life is to know Jesus and spread His love. How simple is that? And that's the only one thing we need to worry about.

TC 2005 Coaching, Part 2

I am so proud of my team. I have never seen a team completely turn around in one day. If there was a most improved team award, I'm sure we would have won that one. They were screaming and cheering, not only for our team, but for the other teams too. I am so proud of them.

The secret... a Group Study the involves teamwork, and LOTS of candy. Plus a coach rally speech that involved promising I will pour every ounce of energy into the team, scream, yelling and dancing with them.

I result... I'm so tired. Every joint in my body screams out in pain. I have never been this exhausted before in my life. But why would I want to put my body through all this, for the love of these kids, and for the love of the cross.

Photos:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2129125435

5 days of rest, and time to do it all over again. I cannot wait.

TC 2005 Coaching, Part 1

Oh boy, I really feel I'm getting old. Team Hosea. Vivian and Karen is so full of energy, I can barely keep up with them. And what a large team. 30 grade 8 & 9, 2 captains, 1 coach. And no name tags this year, but rather, wrist bands with their names.

"Err... excuse me, can I see your wrist? Ahhh... yes, Jon. How are you?"

HAhah... what a day. Vivan and Karen are going a great job as captains, there are still things for them to learn especially in leading Bible Studies and leading the team. But given it's their first time, they are doing a great job. And wow, what a testimony Vivian has... she totally blew me away. God is so amazing in her life! Hearing Vivian's and Charmaine's testimonies make me realized my suffering is so trivial. I have my family, I still have everyone close to me. But to them, even the foundation for the very thing I take for granted is shaken. What else can I do but to praise God for His blessings. If God is so gracious to them, why do I worry about my little problems?

Silly Joel.

Pastor Hoang Ho is such a dynamic speaker. I guess you have to be to keep today's teens interested and focus. I learn so much from his preaching style, how he splits the congregation up into individual groups and hit his point home with each group.

Day 2 tomorrow. I'm planning to challenge to decisions the teens made tonight. It's not about hype and rar rar, not about "it's cool to sign my name onto the cross", but about bearing the cross.

Time to think of a way to challenge the teens, and to help Vivian and Karen lift the team spirits up.

Photos:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2129125435

A Day Devoted to God

What a day. Only hours away from TC: screaming high school kids, jumping around, ready to tear apart the church. But today, complete set aside for God.

I have not complete set a day aside for God for a long time. I would always think about work, or think about myself. But today, since morning, I got to church really early to setup. Then after church, I dropped into the Spring Camp planning meeting and then I had a 4 hour long praise team practice. I never knew the experience in serving in the Chinese praise can be so rewarding. I've learn so much.

Then, Alice and I hurried to RHCCC for the TC prayer meeting. Throughout the prayer meeting, I had one thought. Why did God chose to use me? I'm a sinner, who failed Him many many times, inresponsible to His calling, turned my back on Him again and again... yet, He still calls me. What a merciful God!!! During the prayer meeting, I had not had the chance to sing at the top of my lungs, and dance in praises, without worry about wish people think. Total focus on God.

What a joy is to have a day totally devoted to God.

Excited About Service

I remember I use to wondered when I watch the 722 webcasts is why is that Louie Giglio is always so excited at service.

Last night, I began to understand. For some reason, I am also getting ready excited to go to church today. Not just excited for the Good Friday program. Not just excited to develope a program for the Urban Mission Week. Of course I'm excited for the special programs, but I am not also excited for every week Sunday Service.

Maybe it is because over the last few weeks we spend countless effort into tweaking and repackage the service to cater to the needs of the congregation. Why put so much effort? Because it is a place of worship, and we want to create an environment where we can worship with all our hearts.

Went I serve in the Children Worship, I see some of the kids dread going to church on Sunday...We'll have to help them realize the worship God is the best thing we can do.

Curse God and Die?

'His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!"'
~Job 2:9

If it was two year ago, I would have listen to Job's wife and denounced my faith. Why do I say such harsh words? Through recent events, I know my faith in Him has grown. I now truly believe what Paul said to the Corinthians:

"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it."
~1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message)

Over the last two years, God has been building my character, and my faith in Him and my "limit" has increased. So that's why these tests are set before me, for I know that God will never let me down, and He will always be there to help me come through it.

It is funny how God placed a test in front of me, when in the last of yesterday's reflections, I thought I had things figured out. How foolish I am for not being humbled? I am still waiting for God's revelation on the lesson I am intended to learn through yesterday's events, but I know that this lesson is good.

So what happened?

Yesterday, I felt lifted up. I felt a sense of assurance and directional after His lesson on fishing on the wrong side of the boat. Me financial burdens were temporary resolved, I had new exciting direction and ideas for church programs, and most importantly, I had a heart full of praise.

On my way home from the office, snow began to fall. The roads turned into the worst driving conditions I have ever driven on. The usual 15 min drive turned into 45 min crawl. When I was only 3 blocks away from home, on a red light I applied my brakes, it felt that as if my car was not equipped with brakes at all. The car just would not stop. So from that moment, I started driving very cautiously. I did not drive beyond 20km/hr, with plenty of space between the car in front of me.

I drove for another 2 blocks, past 7 accidents. In my head, all I thought about was "Thank God for ABS." I was planning to come home and write about how God protected me on the roads. Because I was truely scared on the roads yesterday.

So 1 block away from home, crawling toward home, 2 cars in front of me was involved in an accident. The car in front me immediately applied his brakes and began to swivel, but somehow managed to stop before hitting the car in front. I too applied my brakes and no response. Will plenty of room to glide I was praying for a patch of road with enough traction to slow me down. But that patch of road never came, and I glided for about 4 seconds before I knew a collision was inevitable so I straighten my car and braces for a collision as flush with his bumper as possible.

As soon as I collide with the car in front, I was calm knowing that the only thing I could have done to avoid this collision was to stay home and not go to work. So I immediately ask God what He wanted to teach me, calmly before checking for damages I ran to the drive to ensure he as okay. All in all, there was no damage to my car. However, the bumper of the car in front was knocked off the hinch and misaligned.

So God, what do You want me to learn from this lesson? To curse You and die? Never.

"He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"
In all this, Job did not sin in what he said."
~Job 2:10

God, yes, fill my nets with fish. But also bring on the storms that will rock my boat. I know You will never let me down; You will never let me be pushed past my limit; You will always be there to help me come through it.

Fishing on the Wrong Side of the Boat

After thinking back to the conversation I had with Alice over lunch on Tuesday, "why can we not just drop everything and follow the Lord like what Peter, Andrew, James and John did?" I want to drop everything, Lord, why don't you let me?

Looking back at the Bible story, I realized I miss a very critical point. Let revisiting the story together:

" 4When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”

5Simon answered, “Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

6When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

8When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” 9For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners.

Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men.” 11So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him. "
~Luke 5:4-11

One of the worries I have is how am I going to save up enough for seminary this Fall? To be honest, I'm not doing that well at work. I'm barely making ends meet, still struggling month to month. But I know God place me in this career for a reason. Though I want to leave everything behind and follow Him, I know there's a lesson I need to learn. And maybe this lesson lies in the Luke 5. Before Peter, Andrew, James and John left everything and followed Him, they had to obey Jesus. They gave up from a night of fishing, already called it quits. However, when Jesus, who was a stranger to them at this point, ask them to do something "ridiculous", they did not question but obeyed.

"Go back on to the lake and cast my net on the other side of the boat, yeah, right, like that will make a difference?!?" I would have replied.

But to the four of them, no questions asked, just obedience. And guess what, they were blessed with two boat load of fish. But then, look what they did? Left everything and followed Him. Notice the word, everything. Everything. Even the boat full of fish they just caught. They did not leave everything when they didn't have anything. They left everything when they had EVERYTHING.

Insight and Application.

God have promised me that he will provide. I'm just fishing on the wrong side of the boat... and when I eventually obey and fish on the other side of the boat, and pull up a boat load of fish, will I able to then say I'm willing to left everything behind. Anyone can leave everything behind when they have nothing... but not everyone can leave everything behind when they are weighted down with worldly treasures.

That's the lesson I need to learn.

Lord, fill my boat with fish, but then, give me the strength and wisdom to turn my back on the is boat load of fish and follow you.

Headache

Please pray for me. Over the last week, I've been having a headache. On last Sat, Mon and Thursday morning, the headache was so severe that it was a struggle just to get out of bed. My devotional time is effected, my Bible and book reading is affected for I could not concentrate on what I am reading.

In the evening, I have very peaceful sleep... however, the headache begins as soon at I open my eyes.

Last night, the only time I didn't feel the effects of my headache was when I was having Praise Team practice. I guess worship heals everything.

Please pray for me. Teen's Conference is quickly approaching (Next Mon), and I'll need all my strength and energy to counselor the high schoolers.

What's in a Name?

Last night, I had the opportunity to call upon several of us in the English congregation, and over MSN, we toss out ideas and brainstormed on the 'identity' and renaming of out Friday night program.

What a long and draining process. We wanted to rename our program for a few months already, to give istsome personality and identity. However, every few discussion actually occured until I pulled several of us aside on MSN.

Why is it so hard to pick a name for our program? Because the name will reflect our program. It's our identity, our style, our mission, our personality, our focus and desire. A name the protrait our youthfullness, our desire for God and our unity as a community on Christ.

A name is who we are. That's why so much work is require to pick the name.

Understanding Pain

I want to focus. I want to serve Him. I want to work hard... but where the rubber meets the road, there's no traction.

"For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak!"
~Matt 26:41b

The body is weak! The body is afraid of the pain. Our mind wants to grow, but the body flees from the trials and pain needed of such growth. In order to grow, we need to be willing to endure these pains.

How?

By God's promise. He is shaping our lives and our characters, into someone who He intended us to me. In His image, in His likeness. And of course the promise to spend eternity with Him. What's a greater promise than that?

So, are we willing to endure this temporary pain for the promise of something great. Think about that next time when you walk through the valleys of life.

The Nudge From God

Yesterday, I was helping out at the children homegroup. Just Theresa and I, with 7 kids, and no other adults in the house, the experience was not as painful as I imagined. The reason why I was helping out with the children homegroup was because I received a nudge from God to discipline my service for Him, and to get to know the little ones more.

I actually enjoyed working with the kids yesterday, outside of the church setting, chasing the kids around to house, picking them up can carrying them back into the family room where we had our activities. One common error in our attitude I made as I served the kids is that I take it as a "chore". Serving the little one is a form of worship to the Lord. If it was not for Auntie Annie, Uncle Hoytson, Uncle Howard and Felix as counselors when I was a kid, surely I would have turned out a different person. Thank you for Your guidance, Lord.

Worship the Lord in everything we do.

Connecting with Today's Youths- Pointing Their Thoughts Upwards

Tonight, I had a really good discuss with Frederick, formulating ways to reach the youths of today. Over the pass week, we have been exploring on ways to push the envelope of the church's motto "High tech, high touch". How can we use the very medium the youths use to connect with each other, the internet, and minister to them on their own turf?

We boiled it down to two channels: MSN and blogs.

MSN, a tool our caring network is already using extensively to connect with the other members of the congregation. A medium to speak to the youth in their own language.

Blog, a channel I began to explore about a year ago. A ministry God has given me where a network of brothers sisters can share God's work in our lives. I only began to understand the popularity of this communication medium. In my journal, maybe it allows other to have a glimpse of my life and my mind, very much like the reality TV shows, but I realized this channel allow many youth voice out what's on their minds. Speaking with Frederick, we realized by tying these blogs together through the church website, we can collectively encourage the youth to focus their thoughts upwards. In writing a blog, one calms down and reflect on daily life. If we can provide some guidance at this moment, we can point these thoughts upward and reflect on God.

Underestimating God's Work

After some thoughts, I began to learn the lesson God has in front of me. After leading Bible Studies and worship since I was grade 9, these tasks are beginning to become "rountine" to me. I thought I'm seen it all, and can handle any situation... hence, my weakness. Why did the thought of throwing in the white towel creeped into my mind last night? I actually wanted to quit what God has called me to do, to lead my Life Transformation Group through this season of Bible Studies. I wanted to blame the material. But the truth is I underestimated the importance of God's work.

I'm sorry, Lord. I tried to blame if on my inability to switch gear between different age groups. However, the real problem was me not taking God's work seriously. Ove the past two months I have spend large amount of time preparing for the English and Children Service sermons, becuase it's something new, something fresh. Yeah, I must admit I've only did a half-hearted effort on the Bible Study preparation.

Lord, I apologized for my weakness that resulted in the stunned growth on the members of my LT group. After the worship team meeting last night, I too realized that I've been taking my service at worship for granted.

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
~Joshua 24:15b

"He gave them these orders: "You must serve faithfully and wholeheartedly in the fear of the LORD."
~2 Chr19:9

"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men,"
~Eph 6:7

In Fear of Losing the Younger Ones

Lord, for some reason, I have a fear of losing the younger ones in this new season of Bible Study of Exodus. Tonight, we could not connect with the teens. Was the material too "intellectural"? I could not put my finger on it. Help me, Lord.

Near panicked, I counsulted with Thereasa, Rebecca and Wynne. How can we connect with the teen. Follow the study plan by the book like what I did tonight? Lord, I know what I must do. I cannot treat this lightly. I must do more work in preparation of the Bible Study, I believe even more time required than the children worship sermons.

This must be a lesson God trying to teach me in preparation for next week's support grounp for the High School boys.

Everyday is a Battle

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."
~Eph 6:10-19

Weird. I actually typed this up yesterday... but for some reason, only the Bible verse was saved. I know there is a reason for this, that this is topic is worth another session of reflection.

Everyday is a Battle. Everybody has their own battles to face. Every waking moment, Satan is attacking me with earthly temptations. The desire of earthly things, earthly relationships, earthly desires. He is using every trick, every method in attempt to distract my focus on God. On occasions, with the strength given by the Lord, we are triumphant. But sadly, I will fall to his temptations at times. The enjoyment of these earthly desires are short lived. As soon as I hear the footsteps of God, I run away hiding in shame.

Yet, how silly of me? Fleeing at the sound of the footsteps of God. God is standing by me all along, watching my every actions. This reminds me of a chinese proverb. 掩耳盗铃 Literally it means, covering own ear while stealing a bell. What can we hide from our omnipotent, omnipresence Father?

Still, there are other times, I fall into temptations in my thoughts. To one extreme, I would be shame of the thoughts I have in my dreams in the depths of my sleep. One may ask how are you responsible for you thoughts in your unconscious state? Of course I am responsible. If it is not the unhealthy information I'm feed my mind and my body in my waking hours, then I would not have these thoughts in my unconsciousness.

So Joel, beware, every moment, everyday, there is a heavenly battle. I must be ready, equipped with the armour of God, and be prepare to defend this temple of God. However, can I stand up to Satan's temptation on my own, NO. My strength comes from our Heavenly Father.

The question is, how do we harness this strength from God? I have tried to remind myself over and over again to stand firm, yet I will still fall. So my focus cannot be on the battle to win the battle. Yes, I must be aware of the battle, but my focus should be on the love of our Father.

The love of our Father. A love the runs so deep that even though He loved His Son and is fully pleased with Him, He still send His Son to earth, to walk on Via Dolorosa, humiliated and died on the cross for our sins. He loved me so much that He came up to me, picked me out of the gutter and asked me to marry Him. He loved we so much that even though I took all He has given me and ran off into the world, we waited for me with a ring and feast.

On my finger, is that ring God has given me. When the fruits of the earth passes in front of me, how can I be so unfaithful and chase after the fruits of the earth. Joel. Compared to the fruits of heaven, these fruits of the earth are bitter and rotten. Joel, stop being 花心, stop longing for the things of this earth. By focus on God's love and the pain He suffering to save me, I am prepared for this battle.

Pain: Bring It!

Cannot sleep... pain... my heart is troubled... worry... uncertainty... fear...

Am I suppose to feel this way? If I truly have the heart of a child, can I just run to Daddy, jump into His embrace and cry out my sorrows? Lord, let me jump into Your arms, I want to cry. I know you are building my character, Lord, what do you want me to learn? Human logic will tell me I have reach a dead end - dead end, but all I hear it Your voice calling out to me. "Trust me!"

Lord, I'm on my knees, tears stream down my face, yet, I reach my hand into the heavens for You. Lift me up, Lord. I'm broken, as you intented. There's nothing I can do what will save me. But in You, Lord, Your glory will be shown.

"And there are times when God, knowing that, allows us to endure the pain for the sake of the song."
~Max Lucado

Your song. Therefore, Lord, BRING IT! Bring on the pain. If it is my character You want to build, then my character I offer You.

Down The Road Uncertain

And interest chain of thought flowed through my mind as I was chatting with a brother late last night. At times, traveling down the journal of life, we are "forced" to take an uncertain path with no alternatives. Then one might argue, where's our free will? Joel, you keep saying that through God you know the beginning and the end of our lives, are our lives predestined?

No. Not predestined. Yet, we have the peace to know the destination and our life is the story God is going to write. I believe the free will comes in the form of whether or not you are going to let God write your story. When we are "force" to travel down an uncertain path, with no alternatives in sight, there's always the choice of Jonah and be irresponsible and run off. However, we too can accept this path this uncertain path. It could be a painful road but God had promised that if we follow His will, for certain He is at our side walking this path also.

With this peace, how come is still so painful? Is it because of our lack of faith? Maybe. But also because we are only human.

"I am only human
Struggling to find
Confidence in all that I believe
You are only holy
You are love defined
And you have said to ask and I'll receive

So I have come to pray
That you will come and fill
The hunger here inside me to grow
Stronger in the faith
There’s a longing and a need
To have you ever closer
Come fill me

(CHORUS)
Cause when you move in me
It's like a symphony
The timeless melody
That soothes my soul
Though silent I can tell
That you're alive and well
Cause I can feel you move
In me

What they try to tell me
Is that your love is false
And faith is just a way
I choose to feel
And that there was no meaning
To you upon the cross
And I should reach for something that is real
And when those words are said
The questions in me start
And I don't have any answers
Until I stop thinking with my head
And start listening to my heart
And there I find my assurance
I tell them"
~Move In Me by Michael W. Smith

The problem with being human, especially a technical person like myself, is that we think too much. Yes, God gave us a brain to think, but was the creation and the design of the brain mentioned in the Bible? No. Yet, the design and creation of one aspect of our "humanness" that was mentioned in the Bible was our soul.

"the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being."
~Genesis 2:7

Our soul, the breath of God, is our antenna to tune us into God's wavelength. But we tend to crowd God's signals with our own thoughts and noise. And "Until I stop thinking with my head and start listening to my heart, there I find my assurance". And as we travel down an uncertain path... open our hearts, and listen (not think, not speak), listen, to God's guidance.

Snow, Snow, and Snow

Finally in the office... that was after spending 90 minutes shoveling since 7:30am. 10cm of snow came overnight. However, I didn't really mind the shoveling. I needed the exercise and I had fun pushing snow around with dad.

Not many people in the office today due to bad road conditions. However I did have a good conversation with John over MSN. John was frustrated with one of his team this morning. He said that people make him angry. He's trying to be nice to this team but they are blind. It's frustrating John that he's going all that he can to help but they still don't trust him.

As I was listening to John, I realized his situation is pale in comparison to God's. I am reminded of Derek Webb's song, Wedding Dress. Derek was previously a member of the band Caedmons Call. I must apologize in advance for the language in the lyrics I am about to post, but it paints a true picture of how we treat God when we turn away from Him after all He has done for us.

"If you could love me as a wife
And for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I'll ever need
Or is there more I'm looking for

And should I read between the lines
And look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want

(chorus)
I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
And I run down the aisle
I'm a prodigal with no way home
But I put you on just like a ring of gold
And I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
Though I don't trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
And with the other in your side
I am so easily satisfied
By the call of lovers less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

(chorus)

Because money cannot buy
A husband's jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife"
~Wedding Dress by Derek Webb

I won't blame God if He gets frustrated with us. "Though I don't trust you to provide, with one hand in a pot of gold and with the other in your side." We are so unfaithful. But, yet, He gives us second chances after second chances. God, somehow you can use me to let John knows how You feel too... How we are blinded by sin. How you gave Your very own flesh and blood, yet we still chose the things of this world. Sorry, Father.

A New Song... A Love Song

"I waited patiently for the LORD ;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD ."
~Psalms 40:1-3

The Lord have spoken to me: :The time has come, Joel, I have taught you how to speak, I have taught you how to cry out to Me. I have lifted you out of the slimy pit and set your feet on a firm place. Now learn how to listen. Most importantly, how to listen to me. I'll give you new song. Sing. Dance. Lift up you hands in praises."

God, have Your Spirit flow through me. I long for You hand to move in me. Thank You for proving to me over and over again that You are real. Father, Father. Use me. Every time You speak through me, WOW!, I am drained physically, but fulfilled Spiritually. I'm nothing but and instrument for You. And out of tone instrument. Lord, tune Your instrument and make a new song out of me. I know as You turn the tuning pegs of me, it will hurt. It will seem the my life is ringing out of sync, the pulsing echo of a new song not in tune with what I want will hurt my ears. But Lord, what is better than to have my life live out Your will. Write Your new song in me, write Your story in me. Thank You for show me the back cover of this story of Joel. A love story of how You offered Your Son whom "You loved and fully pleased". How through Your Son You lifted me out of mud and murk. That's a story I'm excited to see unfold. My love story, written by God. All other stories seem blend compared to this.

Father, Father. I knew on the road ahead of me, I will be tested. I will be put into trials. Lord, break me down to my knees, in awe of You. Thank You for reminding me again and again that You have walk this road already and will walk down this road with me hand in hand. Lord, it's all about You. I want to see how Your story of me unfolds, not my version of the story. My story is of a tragedy, but Your story is one of love. At the end, what can it take away from this world? Not the riches of earth, not the earthly relationships. Yes, not even relationships. In heaven, all brothers and sisters will knew each other and praise God together. The only thing I can take away from this world is my character. Lord, then I want You to shape my character.

Refocus

Bible Reading, currently at Leviticus 8. Getting behind on my Bible reading.

Wow, so weird. A new look in easyjournal.

"Busyness" over. Finally, the rush of RSP season is now behind me. Not that I'm complaining, but you know that I do not like the word "busy". So "busy", just look at my journal entries over my last month. Sorry, Lord, I know you've dropped many hints throughout the month to draw me back to having quiet times with You in the journal.

I hear Your voice, Lord. I hear You calling. I want to be with You. Near You.

"You are all
Big and small
Beautiful
And wonderful
To trust in grace through faith
But I'm asking to taste...

For dark is light to You
Depths are height to You
Far is near
But Lord, i need to hear from You

Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good"
~Be Near

Psalm 73:28

How can I sum up most of the month's thoughts in one journal. I know I cannot. Because God is so real, so true. Even Moses' face shine bright after catching a glimpses of God's back. How can you begin to describe such an experience? You cannot. Just like how I cannot describe God presence throughout this month.

I don't get it. With my workload, church, relationship building and family time, I should be completely burnt out. And yes, there were times in the month I felt as though I would. But by God's grace, I made it though, with many lesson learned too.

First of all, God taught me to appreciate the Psalms. Psalms 13, 23, 73, 118, 121, 137, 139, 145... all came alive to me. The Bible, God's love letter to me, comforted me. Thank You, Lord, for letting me speak in the Children Worship in these past two weeks. Preaching on God's Amazing Bible, and the Life Transformation aspect of the Bible. Now I carry my NLT Bible everywhere I go... I feel lost without it.

And Lord, never have I been so excited about going to seminary this September. Even now, I can feel You are preparing me for You good work.

"It is God's way of preparing us in every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do."
~2 Tim 3:17 NLT

*******

Well, I am going to stop here and call it the night. I know starting tomorrow, my leadership and interpersonal skills will be put to the test. Share more in this area tomorrow.

In His Service,
Joel

Today I Will Make a Difference

TODAY I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE ---
by Max Lucado

Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.

I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.

I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It's OK to stumble… . I will get up. It's OK to fail… . I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.

I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family.
A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children, and friends.

Today I will make a difference.

Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failure. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on.
_________________________________
From On the Anvil
Copyright 1985 Max Lucado

Vision of a Miracle

It was 4:00am this morning when I arrived home from Houston. Tired, exhausted, and ill. Our flight was delayed for 3 hours due to weather in Chicago. Flight crew and passenger were all ready and waiting in Houston waiting for Chicago to give us the green light to fly.

Before we arrived at the airport, I was famished. Up since 5:00am, lining up for the convention, beside the pop tarts I had in my bag, I have not ate until we were at the airport at 5:00pm. Even after the delightful salad, I can feel sickness beginning to come upon me. My throat began to hurt, headache began to set in.

It is amazing how God has a plan for everything. Throughout the weekend, I was waiting for God's word of comfort, but none came. Not even when I was on my flight to Houston (Compared to last year's flight to Las Vegas).

http://joeya.easyjournal.com/default.asp?eid=2215021

While we waited for our flight at the gate, uncertain if we will be home tonight, my exhaustion and sickness overcame me. I was out cold. When we finally got the go ahead to board our flight, I praise God for giving me the whole row of seats where I can lie down and rest. And I slept again. On the flight, the air pressure in the cabin amplified the pains in my head, and by this time I cannot hear anything out of my left ear. An eerie silence overcame me as I dosed off again.

And in my sleep, I had a vision. I vision of God speaking to me. A vision of comfort, how God will reveal His glory to me through a miracle as He lifts me up from this valley. On one condition: that I will serve Him wholeheartedly in the office, to share His love to my colleges. Then, in this silence, a sudden peace overwhelmed me.

" The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. "
~Psalm 23

Thinking back over this weekend, there has always been a brother or sister in Christ by my side. Ed Young, Roger Lu, Bik Kun Chin, David & Fanny, and Helen Ngo. A constant reminder of we are called to do God's work in every aspect of our lives. To fulfill His eternal purpose.

Last but not lest, I wished there was another brother and sister that could of joined us in Houston this weekend: Mark and Jenny. But by God's grace and love, I praise God for His protecting hands that they are safe back home in Vancouver.

It's all about You, Lord.

Waiting for God's Words

Houston, Texas. 2005 WFG World Team Annual Convention.

By myself, in line since 8:00am, doors open at 10:00am, and convention begins at 1:00pm. In front of me in the line, the team of Jesse and Jeff Tsao. Somehow, no matter how early I get in line, they are always in front of me.

To pass time, I have God's word through Max Lucado and the Bible in my bag. But I cannot sit still. Thoughts once again overwhelmed my mind. Thoughts of Mark's car accident, thoughts of month's end finances, and thoughts of the salvation of uncle, auntie and grandparents.

Last evening, in a meeting in John's room in preparation of today's convention, Tran informed me of Mark's car accident on his way to Seattle airport. My heart sank. I immediately called Mark and left him a voicemail. Praise God that the occupants of Mark's vehicle are alive aside from some injuries. Another car accident... I broke into tears. Lord, what are you trying to tell me through this series of car accidents since December of last year?

Upon hearing this news, my own burdens and problems seem trivial. An SMS message from sister Alice yesterday was the best advise for times like these.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."
~Prov 3:5,6

Just trust in the Lord, and wait for God's words

**************

Aside from these thoughts, I praise God for the coffee house back home on Friday. I learn that we had an attendance of 65, 25 of them newcomers!!! In the end, 2 received salvation. Praise the Lord!!! Let's continue to pray for those who heard God's word and for the growth of the 2 new believes.

An Kaleidoscope of Thoughts

February 9, 10:47pm

Sitting in the kitchen, laptop and a cup of tea. Dinner ready, but I'm not sure how much of that I would touch. The hum of the laptop, clicking of the keyboard, the ticking of the kitchen clock and the occasion rumble of the basement furnace are the only sounds. Day 3 of being home alone, family in NYC. MSN off, Outlook close, cellphone off; just me, solitude in the kitchen.

Just came home from the Donald Miller lecture at Tyndale. Shoveled two driveways. As I drove home from Tyndale, for the first time in a long time, I turned off my car CD player. I just wanted to listen to the sound the tires splashing on the fresh fallen snow, the hum of the engine and I shifted through my gears, and most importantly, the kaleidoscope of thoughts echoing in my mind.

Before I continue, just want to wish you all a happy New Year.

I do not know how long I am going to be in front of my laptop pounding out this journal. I have my cup of tea, and a kettle of hot water behind me waiting just in case.

I did attempt to give a specific title to today's journal. If I do, I would have limited myself to one thought. Actually, this entry will be "random" thoughts that has piled up in my mind over the last two weeks.

"Random" thoughts.

Are they truly random? Or are they careful orchestrated and planted in our minds by our Father? If they are from our Father, shouldn't we turn down the noise of this world and be sensitive to what God has to say?


Clearing of the Temple

Noise. The physical wave of compressed air molecules the vibrates our eardrums as faintly as one billionth of a centimeter. Or the chemicals our glands released into our body that causes an increase of heart rate, stress, anxiety, excitement, depression, or fear. Or the random electrical impulses produces by our neurons as we daydream, think, doubt, or imagine.

Compressed air molecules, chemicals, electrical impulses. How can these tiny, miniscule things interferers with our ability to discern God's voice?

Not only external environment or internal state can distract us from God, but even the build up of God's voices can prevent from properly digesting what God is trying to teach us.

Over the last few days, due to my own weaknesses in the lack of quiet, reflection time, what God have told me over that last two weeks piled up until my mind was so crowded with thought I could no long think with a clear mind. And in that state of mind, Satan smells blood and came in for the kill. Temptations. Distractions. Doubt. I was down and out. Burned out. Questioning God. Why? I lost sight of my eternal calling. Lost sight of my eternal treasures.

I wanted to toss in the white towel. That's it God, take me home. I did not care about God's purpose for me at the moment. I just wanted to go home.

But wait a minute. That's not Joel? Depressed, down and out? No way. Wow!! Satan is sneaky. Maybe it was the loneliness of being home alone. Maybe it was the stress of work. Maybe from the pressure of leading the English Congregation. Maybe a combination of all of the above. Satan sees the opportunity, and plants doubts, and lies.

Thanks to Alice for reminding me to "clear the temple". Let's began by sorting out what God has taught me over these last few weeks. Then, seeing a better picture of God, I can flush out the slim gathered in my heart.


The Language of Eternity

Eternity. And constant theme that God is teaching me beginning back in December from the 722 "Treasure" series of sermons. And it was the basis of the sermon God spoke through me two Sundays ago.

Yet, because of doubt, Satan used this very topic to attack me.

I thought I was beginning to grasp God's language of eternity. Eternal treasures. Doing God's work on earth, storing treasures in heaven. Things of this world are temporary. Look for the eternal calling.

All these talk about eternity made me look forward to one day spending eternity in heaven. I wanted it so much that I began to wonder, why can I not be in eternity now? God take me home. I do not want to be in this temporary world any more.

And I missed the whole point. It is not only about spending eternity in heaven, there is also our eternal purpose. PDL, Purpose Driven Life. What is our purpose? To reflect God's glory! We are nothing but a mirror.

Why are there sufferings? So the God's glory will be revealed. Why is God testing me again and again? So that His glory may be shown.

But in the mist of these suffering, yes, we are learning lessons from God. How do we conduction ourselves in the valleys in life?


Wrestling with God

Reading Genesis over the last few days, I was challenged. In suffering, should we be sheep and patiently wait for God to lead us through the valley of death? Or should we be like Jacob and wrestle with God until he was blessed but walk away crippled?

But before swinging from one extreme to another, I realize that both requires tremendous faith. Blind faith (Eph 2:8) vs. active faith (Jas 2:17). Oh, what a theological argument this can cause! But the common denominator is faith.

Yes, there is nothing wrong in patiently waiting for God's plan to unfold, but there's also "ask and ye shall receive". There nothing wrong in asking, pleading, or even demanding things from God. If it is His plan, it will be given.

As I journeyed through the book of Genesis, I am intrigued by the way the character communicated with God. Abraham bargained with God over Sodom and Gomorrah. Sarah laughed at God. Isaac blindly obeyed God. Jacob wrestled with God. Joseph patiently waited for God's plan to unfold. Four generations, all unique attitude in communicated with God.

I want to be able to speak with God like in the Old Testament. And I believe we can. For Grace had said that, "If we are close to God, there's no way we would not know what God's plan is."


A Journey through the Bible

While I am on the topic of reading through Genesis, I just came up with an idea of how to keep myself accountable and I plan to read the Bible from cover to cover before I enter seminary. In my journals, I will regularly update my progress through the Bible and anyone reading my journals can keep me accountable.

I restarted reading the Bible last week, reading the NLT version.

Bible Reading, currently at Exodus 13.


*********

12:32am

I think I will stop here tonight. Temple cleared. Feel much better now. I should rest up and so that I will be fresh for another theological and philosophical episode of Tyndale lecture with Donald Miller.

Good night, everyone.

Love in Christ,
Joel

Rethinking the Purpose of the Journal

Grandparents and relatives are in town, heading into Ottawa with them today. If I were to bump into uncle (5 "goo cheng") on the streets, I would not have recognized him. And grandma and grandpa looked much older than I remembered when I went back to Hong Kong two years ago.

Urgency.

There's no time to waste. God, I live them up into Your hands. Open up their eyes, soften their hearts.

********

As for the journal, one reason I have not updated it recently was a struggle that I had. How can I talk about making myself transparent without drawing attention to myself but defect that attention and glory to God?

Taking me out and putting God in.

Less of me.

Enough About Me, Let's Pray for Others First

Greetings brothers and sisters. I first must apologize for the lack of journal entries over the last month. And over the past two weeks if you were not physically around me, in time I will share how the amazing work God had done in my life.

I have so much I want to share, yet I still have so much to do. So maybe I'll first share what's on my mind at the moment so you may kindly keep these items in your prayers.

Relatives visiting TO
My grandparents (from my dad's side) are arriving from Hong Kong tonight. The thought of seeing them again makes me extremely excited. However, please keep them in your prayers for they yet to know the Lord. They will be staying with us for 3 weeks. Along with my grandparents, my Aunt and Uncle from LA will also visit us tonight, but they are only staying for 1 week. If it is God's will and His timing, pray that we will cease the opportunities to share God's word with them.

Children Worship sermon series
Now that the English Worship is done last Sunday, my focus is shifted to the 2 sermons for the Children Worship in the end of February. The sermon topic is on "The Amazing Book" (The Holy Bible). Pray God will continue to equipped me as I prepare to share God's word with the little ones.

Outreach programs
There will be several outreach program in the coming week organized by the church. Unfortunately, since I'll be in Houston next weekend, I'll miss all of them. However, please join me in prayers for these programs. Pray that newcomer will have the chance to share God's love with us.

Alice and Patrick
Please pray for Alice and Patrick. They have made great sacrifices for God as I was prepared my sermon for last week. May God use them greatly in these tough time and strengthen their faith as they seek direction from God.

**********

If anyone of you have any prayer request, please do not hesitate to send me a message and I'll keep them in my prayers.

Thanks to Jenny for sending me a reminder last week, using the quote I always us to shake me up a bit.

"Busyness is a great enemy of relationships. We become preoccupied with making a living, doing our work, paying bills, and accomplishing goals as if these task are the point of life. They are not. The point of life is learning to love - God and people. Life minus love equals zero."
~Purpose Driven Life, Day 16

It's RSP season, but I will not let the busyness of work bog me down. But yet, I will do what I preached; To do my BEST at work. Over the next few days, I'll post updates on what I've learn over the last few weeks.

Prayerfully yours,
Joel

Less of Me

Yesterday, I wanted to type up all the journal entries I was behind on, but I ended up picking up the guitar and started playing... for 6 hours. Over the last 2 days I might have logged more than 12 hours on the guitar. It's just the thought of singing with that angels overwhelms me. Angels are in my room partying and worshipping God!!! WOW!

I looked on the guitar strings and I can see pieces of my skin. HAhah... ICK! That's gross!!! My left fingers looks like it ran over a grater, my right wrist feels like rubber, and right middle finger bleeding from banging into the strings as I strum. But my heart is filled with praise and awe.

Oh, I long for the day in heaven where we spend all the time praising our awesome God. In heaven, I hope I get to play the guitar instead of the harp. HAhah.

*****

"I've tried more of me
And I've come up dry
Trading You for things
Things that go away
My happiness is found in less
of me and more of You
My happiness is found in less
of me and more of You

I have found the answer is
to love You and be loved by You alone
Alright! Alright! Alright!
You crucify me and the world to me
and I will only boast in You
Alright! Alright! Alright!

I'm so satisfied
at the thought of You
Growing up in me
Covering everything
My happiness is found in less
of me and more of You
My happiness is found in less
of me and more of You

You are, You are (loved by me)
You are, You are (You're loved by me)
You are, You are (You're loved by me)
You are, You are, You are"
~The Answer

I had lunch with Rev. Lau today, I was encouraged by his positive feedbacks. He asked me how I am to prepare myself for the Lord's ministry, and how he can be an assistance in my growth. We touched on many personal issues, and I was opened to share all with him. The thought the was constantly on my mind was how to have less of me.

In the song, The Answer, it could not put it in any better way. "I've tried more of me, and I've come up dry. Trading You for things things that go away. My happiness is found in less of me and more of You" how foolish are we to seek the riches of this earth. To take the gifts our Heavenly Father has given us and spent it on earthly things. We should take these precious gifts, and offer it up to God in praises and sacrifice.

Sacrifice.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship."
~Romans 12:1

Who can truly that without a grimace on their face? Many times we say, "Yes Lord, I offer my life up as a living sacrifice, but... I hope You use that other guy sitting next to me instead." When you say you offer up yourself as a living sacrifice, is your heart in the mood of worship? Will God acknowledge your presence?

It was then, Rev. Lau asked me if I am ready to preach at the English Service on Sunday. Jan 30. A Motivate Working Spirit. Eph 6:5-9. Lord, please continue to speak to me and teach me. Thank You for this great opportunity to serve You. Give me wisdom, Lord.

Worshipping With Angels

Sorry to everyone that I'm been lazy to update my journal. I have heard non-stop "nagging" regarding the lack of updates. Thank you for keeping me accountable. Today I've set the afternoon aside to update all my entries. Enjoy.

Love,
Joel

**********

I had a wonderful lunch today with Judy (our housemate) and mom. Over lunch, Judy was sharing what a pastor recently shared with her.

A lady from the pastor's church fell into a coma for a week during Christmas time. When she awoke from her coma, the pastor visited her and asked her what did she experienced during her coma. In her sharing, the lady asked the pastor how come there were so little people attending the Christmas Service while she was in the coma. Confused by her question, the pastor replied that the regular attendance of 400 attended the service.

"No," she said, "There were 400 at the lunch afterwards, but only 200 at the service." The pastor was surprised to hear that the lady knew that 400 at the lunch while she was in the coma, so he asked her what she meant when she said there was only 200 at the service. She said she was there are the service, and only saw 200 in attendance worshipping God. But also there were many angels in attendance worshipping and praying to God.

WOW!!!

God knows your heart. Even if you are in attendance on Sunday, if you do not have a heart of worship, God will not even acknowledge your presence.

And when you worship and pray, angels are worshipping and praying along side you. Imagine that!

*********

Now I know, when we spun out on the 404 on our way back from Buffalo 2 weeks ago, angels were on the highway, stopping the cars behind us so they wouldn't hit us.

When we sing and dance during worship, we are singing and dancing with angels.

When we kneel down and pour out our hearts in prayer, angels are laying hands on us praying with us.

We doubts surfaces in our hearts, angels lift our hearts up so that we can see God.

What else do you want? More blessings? More protection? More guidance? More salvation? We have all of that already, just look around you, angels are standing by your side.

Through the Eyes of a Newcomer

Wow, what a long day, of just straight chatting. Today, I met up with Raymond for lunch, excited to find out how was his job interview in the morning. And through lunch, I shared with him my vision of the "Production" Team for church and his involvement on the team. We had such a good time bouncing ideas between each other in regards of the Production Team and also had the opportunity to show him around my office. We had such a good chat and before we know it, it was 6:00pm and Alice arrived for her appointment.

With Alice here, I realized that we have a representative from Worship, Caring and Outreach present. So I decided to bounce some ideas off both of them. One thing I felt is that because I've been behind the desk of the A/V table for so long, I felt so disconnected from the front line. Surely I cannot lead the team from the back.

So I toss out a question to Alice and Raymond, "As a newcomer to our church, what would you see?" And "what will attract you to stay with us for worship?"

-the people inside
-atmosphere (worship, spiritual)
-welcomed
-not too intimating

Back to the basics, what do newcomer look for? And how do we cater to them.

All in all, we chatted till 11:30 in the evening, wrapping up one for the most productive day I ever had.

Prayers to the Nhan Family

Just heard the news about the passing of the older sister of Tran, Van and Hoc. Lord, I pray for the Nhan family in these difficult times.

I pray that through this time of grieving, that Tran, Van and hoc may have to opportunity to get to see You.

Right People, Right Place

"The Fish Gate was rebuilt by the sons of Hassenaah. They laid its beams and put its doors and bolts and bars in place. Meremoth son of Uriah, the son of Hakkoz, repaired the next section. Next to him Meshullam son of Berekiah, the son of Meshezabel, made repairs, and next to him Zadok son of Baana also made repairs."
~Nehemiah 3:3-4

When the Jews were rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem, Nehemiah choose the right people for the right task.

A Miracle: God's Way of Saying "Hey!"

Back from a wonderful weekend in Buffalo, time well spent with fellow brothers and sister: Raymond, Theresa and Alice. It was a great time of fellowship, testimony sharing, and just plain getting to know one another.

As I remembered from my backpacking trip last October, just when you think you have learned everything you can learn from an experience, God usually has something more in stored for you.

As we left Buffalo this morning, we reflected on what we gained from this retreat. We all learn more about ourselves and each other. One thing I realized is that over the last week of busyness, I did not spent adequate quiet time with God, and hence I felt distanced from Him. My journals were shallow and my heart was not in a meditative mood.

But what God had planned for us on our way home literally shock all that up. What happened, in my mind, was nothing short of a miracle. This just proves that God is constantly watching over us. We could of easily took the drive to and from Buffalo for granted, but before we set out on the road we made sure we committed out safety to the Lord.

And when we left Buffalo, the road conditions were almost ideal. Rain covered the roads, washed away most of the snow and ice that accumulated over the last two weeks. After the long 1 1 /2 hours drive, we were near the church, travelling north on the Hwy 404. We were all excited to be back at church soon, which is only about 5 minutes away. In a distance I noticed several police cars with the lights flashing, so while I was on the fast lane, I slowed down my car to the 100km/hr speed limit. Then all of a sudden, without warning, all 4 wheels slipped on the road. Immediately, I knew we were in trouble.

I am not sure about Theresa, Alice and Raymond, but time seem to slow down. I fought to keep my car in my lane, but soon I knew it was impossible. So as I looked into the rear view mirror to check the traffic behind me, my worst fears came true. Behind me, in all 4 lanes, there were cars, at least 2 - 3 rows deep. Beside me on my right, was a mini van that somehow have passed us as I fought to keep the car in my lane. When I knew it was impossible to keep the car in my lane, I focused on steering the car to the right so that we wouldn't hit the center median travelling at 100km/hr. We skidded across all four lanes of the highway, no longer needed to check my mirrors as the broad-side of my car was not facing on coming traffic.

Immediately, memories of Cindy Lam came into mind. So this was what she experienced before being called back to heaven. And I began praying of the occupants of my vehicle. I braced for the impact that never came as I tried to skid across the four lanes as quickly as possible to avoid the traffic behind me and hopefully slow down on the shoulder. As I near the shoulders, due to the compensation in steering, the tail of the car began to swing 180° toward the right side of the highway.

My next worry, the ditch pass the shoulder. But that worry was soon dissolved as we came under the John St. overpass. That means no ditch to worry about and the tail of my car continue to swing towards the concrete barrier under the bridge and brush against it. And we bounced off the bridge and all of a sudden I was in the right most lane, facing the right direction of the highway, with all the traffic still behind me. I attempted to give it gas move let the momentum carry the car forward again but by now because I was in the wrong gear we continue to spin and ended up facing all the on coming traffic, on the right most two lanes, car stalled. Amazingly, all the traffic behind me stopped.

I quickly restarted the car, drove to the shoulder, made sure everyone was okay and got out to check the damages. I was dumbfound when I walk to the back of my car and saw not even a scratch on my car. The only thing remained that reminded us of what happened was the smell of burning rubber from the tires.

Immediately, while we were still sitting on the shoulders, mom and Angie called my cell phone to warn me how slippery the roads are in Richmond Hill. I know they have been praying for us and God have prompted them to call at that time. On the remaining short drive to church, we saw two accidents on the side of the highway, car flipped up-side-down and torn in half.

I believe what happened was nothing short of a miracle. To skid across 4 lanes of a busy highway, bounce off a concrete barrier and then stalled facing the wrong direction of the highway, the only way to explain this was because of God's grace. His protection.

My deepest worries were for the occupants of my car: Theresa, Alice and Raymond. God could have called me back to his side today, but that was not His plan apparently. There was nothing I could have done to prevent to spun out. It was truly an wake up call from God. And by his grace, I am alive to give an account to this miracle.

Truly, I am living on borrowed time. Though shaken up, I know God is reminding me to make the most out of the time He has given me.

2005: A Year of Service

Happy New Year to all!!!

As I reflect on 2004 yesterday, I've been trying to pin point what I expect of 2005. OR should I rephrase to what God expects of me in 2005.

Through the last two weeks, I felt the lessons God was teaching me shifted from building up my faith to leadership. Though I know there are still a lot for room for personal growth, it is as though God is telling me to step up and get ready for Service.

If I had a choice, I would love to continue to hide under God's wings, learn from Him and drink from His cup. However, there is a mission field out there.

As I look around me in this New Year morning in Buffalo, surrounded by the English young career support group: Alice, Theresa, and Raymond. They are the pillars of the new English congregation. Each with their own strengths and weaknesses. Lord, are You calling me to lead this group? Of course, that was Your calling for me to pack up everything in Ottawa and come back to Toronto. Lord, part of me, I am scared. But Lord, You are the captain, I know I'm just the helmsmen. You chart the course, I just follow Your order and steer the ship. You are the source of wisdom; wisdom to put the right men in the right place.

As Alice had once confessed to me, she don't know how long I will be around. One day, God will call me to another post. But until then, York LBC is my mission, and it will continue to be my Service until my purpose is fulfilled.

Lord, in the year 2005, use me fully in York LBC. Teach me the keys of a humble leader. This is not my team, Lord, but it's Your's. Keep me close to You, so that I would know which way You want me to steer this ship.

For posts between Sept 2004 - Dec 2004, please go here:

http://joeya.easyjournal.com/

Peace Like a River

Last day in Vancouver. God is testing my patience, all of the week’s appointment got pushed back to today. Business-wise, zero quantitative results. Yet, there is a peace in my heart. A peace that is in describable. Before coming to Vancouver, I searched for results – my pride soared high. I told myself I would not return if I don’t get things off the ground through this trip. However, slowly but surely God showed me purpose:

-Seattle, Christine is so closed, SO CLOSED, to be saved.
-Jenny and Mark, such faithful servant of God.
-Eric, Emily and Dylan, rekindled friendships.
-Edmund and Edwin, God is calling them home.

“Then He said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field.”
~Matt 9:37, 38

God showed me the greater calling to Vancouver. Now I realized God did not called me to Vancouver for worldly business, but rather for the work of the heavens.


Dear Lord,

Once again I thought I could do things on my own. Sorry Lord, please forgive me. Lord, give me a humble heart; give me the faith to depend solely on You. Praise the Lord for being the Rock. You are unchanging, so we can always depend on You.

Thank You, Lord, for keeping me grounded; for keeping my heart from running wild in this world. Thank You for watching over me and guiding me with you gentle voice. Lord, You said, “Ask and I’ll give the nation to you.” So Lord once again, take my heart, I ask You to use me as one of Your workers in the harvest field.

Amen.

Passion...

"Passion is the degree of difficulty you are willing to endure to achieve the goal."
- www.722.org

Joel, can you live by your own teachings? How much do you love Vancouver? If you are telling everyone how much you love to be in Vancouver, why don't you give yourself a reason to come back to Vancouver? So Joel, how much do you want Vancouver? If you want to be in Vancouver so much, if you want to come back to Vancouver, why are you enjoying the city so much now? Time to get to work.

I'm not here to enjoy my stay, if God willing, I'm here to prepare for the future. Build Vancouver. Come when the business is up and running. Then... enjoy Vancouver.

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."
-Matt 16:25

Forgiver, Lord and Friend

Vancouver to Seattle...

Praise God for His creation!!! What a beautiful drive throught the mountains. The mountains, the clouds, and the ocean... I am tempted to move to the west coast, but I know that's not God's will, at least for the next year while I still have church planning obligations. If God's willing, maybe one day, I will be in the west coast.

Today, I am reminded that our Father is also my best friend. In Seattle, I had the opportunity to catch up with Jason, Tom, and Christine. Christine shared her experience so far in Seattle, and she mentioned that how much she longed for good friends in Seattle. Jason and I realized immediately that how much she needs Jesus as a friend. Please pray for her.

I realized if my Vancouver trip did not pan out business-wise. The opportunity to share with Christine was more than worth it.

Vancouver

Yesterday, I arrived in Vancouver. On my flight, I wondered why God has brought me here. But I guess by faith, I'll find out soon enough. I had some really good quiet times on my flight reading, praying, and seeking God. He taught me to keep my emotions in check, and be patients.

I felt relieved because my mind is no longer crowded with thoughts, as I was for the past month. I had a really good chat with Rev. Lau over breakfast, and I sense from him the vote of confidence for me leading the English ministry. Also God kept me in check with an aweful stomach flu. During my BPM training, I just let God take over. Not to act on my ego and pride, but to humbly share my experience with the team in Vancouver.

Thank You, Lord. I give the next few days in Vancouver into Your hands. Your will be done.

Focus...

JOEL!!! Can you focus? Focus on the glory of God. God has called on me so many times this week, how could I have been so selfish and set my sights on my goals and not His? Lord, please give me the strength to run the good race. Lord, please protect me. Satan has been attacking me from all sides, from temptations to flooding my life with worldly things. Thanks you, Lord, for Ric. For how you sent him to my office to challenge my faith yesterday. "How is your spiritual walk, Joel?", asked Ric. Tough. I could not focus during the Englist Ministry meeting. How am I suppose to lead these God-seeking youth people when I'm not even exhibiting any leadership abilities whatsoever? How can Rev. Lau and Fenny suppose to trust me with the group? Or is this all part of Satan's attacks? Eroding my confidence, cause my to doubt the strength God has provided. Lord, please give me the confidence to carry out your will, to take Your banner and lift it high.

Tomorrow will be my last service at Milliken. I will be in Vancouver next week, and the week after... the new church. Logos Baptist Church (York Region Mission). I hate saying goodbyes to friends - to the brother and sisters that have touched my life over the past 7 years. Thank You, Lord, for the memories and for the friendships. Most of all, thank You, Lord, for Your calling for me.

Lord, thank You for teaching me to have discipline in order to focus on You. Lord, I want to give my life to You. With You, all the trouble in the world will fade away. Give me a heart of a child, to worship You and seek You with shame. To love You with a pure heart.

Thank You, Lord, for the success You have given me this past week, as You prepare me for work in Vancouver, Lord, use me as a carrier of Your light to this dark world, and to share You love to those You have created.

Things Not to Take for Granted

There are so many thoughts running through my mind, Lord please still my heart. Please help me to focus on You, and not on the things of this world.

I realized that just one impure thought, just a speck of sin, can repeal God away from the heart. Lord, please forgive me. Draw me near to You again. Lord, give me a heart that shies away from sins.

Deep breaths. Lord, thank You for giving me life, even though I deserved to die many times over in sin. It is a blessing that every morning I still have breath. Thank You for giving me hands, that I can write this journal. Thanks You for giving me legs, so I can still walk and run. Thank You for giving me ears to hear, so that I can hear the angel voices. Thank You for giving me eyes to see, so that I can witness Your creation. Thank You for parents, for their constant love and care. Lord, please never let me take these things for granted.

Lord please calm my heart…

Sleepless with Thoughts from God

“I cry out night and day for more
To hold the majesty of You
My God You stand alone
All I worship at Your throne
I will long to seek Your power and glory
Jesus, Lord of all”
-You Stand Alone

I cannot sleep. Woke up at four in the morning with thoughts racing through my head, I could not fall back to sleep. I picked up a book and started reading, hoping that God will speak to me in my devotions.. And oh, He did.

Since two nights ago, God has been planting thoughts in my mind, and by yesterday, these thoughts have consumed me. I immediately called up a good brother, Henry, to pray for me. He gave me words of encouragement and when finally I laid myself down by God’s feet and prayed, I was comforted.

The first thought God challenged with was “how should I act in the church?” I knew it was suppose to be a big responsibility leading the English congregation at he new church, but how should I represent the church in this role? A M3 leader, Servant Leadership Ministry (requires membership, mature growing Christian, self confident to exercise spiritual gift). Am I showing that leadership? I realized even through all the meetings I have attended, I have yet to offered my efforts in the church planting project, and there’s only one month remaining until we began the new church. Many high school teens and university students will be looking up to me. And as the Lord taught me at Teens’ Conference this year, I love every one of them. Lord, show me how to represent the church in front of them.

The second thought was the idea of going to Vancouver at the end of the month. I knew my way to China must pass through Vancouver, and I was planning to go later in the year. But that all changed when my sister booked a flight to go later this month and she asked me to go along. At first I declined, not knowing how much this thought will bother me yesterday. Throughout the day, God continued to plant seeds in my mind and entertained the thought of going to Vancouver: 1) The CEO tour will be in Vancouver that week. 2) My schedule is completely empty that week, no church planting meetings. 3) Linh told me to make a “bold” move.

One of my strengths, and weaknesses, is that I can make a spontaneous decision. However, I do not want to make such a decision driven by my own desires, but by the will of God. It will be a leap of faith to go, because financially I cannot afford another trip at the moment. But I know if it is God’s will, He will provide. I will have one more chat with my sister today, and then I’ll make a solid decision.

The last but not least, a though came to mind while I was reading a moment ago. As I am schedule to train at BPM soon, God challenged me to be bold.

“… but the righteous are as bold as lion.”
-Ps 28:1b

Train out of the Bible. Until now I have only trained out of the teachings of the Bible, but not straight out of the Bible. I won’t know how the office will react, but Gal. 6:9, right?

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Gal 6:9

The Heart of Worship

Today I began my training for the 8 days, 100km backpacking trip through Killarney Provincial Park with Don next month. It was only a 5 km jog in the morning, 10 lbs on my back, and hit the gym for some weights in the afternoon. I’m still a long way from strapping on a 50 lbs pack and hike for 12 hours a day. Don, I will need to strengthen my knees and back in order to keep up you. Maybe I should have listened and begin training a month ago. :-)

During the jog, I had the chance to reflect on the camping trip this past weekend with my Care Group. Funny unlike my previous camps, it wasn’t God’s creation that inspired me the most, but it was the fellowship we had, sitting around the campfire chatting till the middle of the night. Also for the decision to pack up early Sunday to make our way back to church, I’ll have to thank Jenny. Thank her for her heart of worship she showed me in Vegas. It was because we made the effort to get back to church, I had the opportunity to let God speak to me during service. God reminded me of the Parable of Prodigal Son. Just like when I came back to the Load last year, previous thinking take I could have handled this world on my own; only to come back to Him with a failed engineering career and a failed 7 years relationship. The Lord did not sit on His throne waiting for my return and my explanation, but rather He rand to me, hugged me and kissed me, before I even said a single word.

So I guess that is the heart of worship, making the effort to be with God. In our busy lives it is so easy to neglect our personal time with God. As Bill Hybel said in his book, Too Busy Not to Pray. When life overwhelms us, we have to slow down to be with God. That’s why I treasure the time I spend with God as I write in this journal. Pray to God that no on can take this time with God away from me.

Last but not least, today in the office, Ed and I had a good discussion regarding God’s purpose for us in the office. Ed told me that "We do need to encourage each other in the faith and be more active in the ministry of witnessing to our WFG friends and colleagues."

My Place in WFG

As I drove back from Ottawa today, I had the opportunity to use the solitude to think. Ever since that close call on the highway last winter, a truck causing me to spin 360° on the highway, I dread driving long distances. Especially driving alone. However I still treasure the thoughts, the conversations with God, and singing praises at the top of my lungs while I drive long distance alone.

Today, I tried to find some answers to the issue that been bothering me for the longest time. How to serve God in World Financial Group? I have had many similar conversations with Tim, Dave and Fanny regarding this.

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."
-Matt 6:24

To be honest, that kept me from putting all my effort in WFG in the first place. But now that God has given me the MD title, there must be a purpose for me. How do I teach people concepts to become financially independent while not being a slave to money? Tim, Fanny and I concluded that if we can teach people not to worry able money, then they won't be slaved to it. Is it that simple though? Because in the process of "obtaining" wealth, one is driven by money, and hence are being enslaved by it.

How I wish to have a Christian leader at work that I can relate to...

I remember one thing that Pat Kwan told me after the Gala really hit me. She said "It is good to finally see a good Christian promoted to MD in the office." It was as if God trying to tell me something. And the fact that I am now sharing a office room with Ed Yeung, we now have a Christian stronghold in the Markham office.

God had given me plenty of opportunities in the past to share my faith in the office. To Peter, Bonnie and Hassan. Plus the many times I have done BPM training out of the Bible or sermon notes. Maybe this is an area of service God is calling me into. Tentmaking.

"Joel, would you mind making another career change in the future?" Asked Rev. Michael Lau. Over lunch discussing plans for the Church Planting Project.

I had the burden for China ever since the Tentmaking workshop at Missionfest... and God is slowly equiping me with Mardarin over last month, and I am not afraid to do a Cantonese BPM. Plus Judy told me last night that she plans to announce operations in Hong Kong in Oct, and now that I'm MD, she invited me to join her.

Is it Your will, Lord?

"You said, Ask and I'll give the nation to you.
O Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the island will see
Your light as it rises on us."
-You Said

Give me China, Lord. Not for wealth or fame, but for Your glory!

Is God really using WFG as a vehicle for me to tentmake in China? If so, maybe God is calling me to be THAT Christian leader I've been looking for.

From Chruch Planting to Tentmaking in China... God has opened many doors for me, and many challenges too. Lord, give me the faith and the strength to step through these open doors. And Lord, help me resist the temptations to serve money, but to serve only You, the King of kings, Lord of lords.

Send me, Lord.

Thoughts on becoming Marketing Director

It has been a week sice my Marketing Director promotion, and as of yesterday, it is offical on the system. The excitment have cooled off, my head have stopped spinning. Now I can calmly put the whole experience into words.

Marketing Director.

For the longest time, I debated on why I wanted to run for Marketing Director. Yeah, I believed that God put me in World Financial Group to teach me lessons, but why run for Marketing Director?

To me, as a Christian, "running" for Marketing Director seemed like ironic. I could put all my effort into "running" for MD, which I did since last December, but I learned that if it is not God's will, He won't give it to you. So it was a constant struggle for me. To "run", or to just let God do it. But I also learned that I cannot just sit around and "wait" for God to do everything. So I was in a dilemma.

It is funny how God been opening doors for me for my MD promotion ever since back in December. And when I think that I'm about to make it, He closes the door on me. By dangling a carrot in front of me, God taught me patience while kept me pushing forward.

In December, with my uncle's case, I could of made the point for MD right away. However, God kept me from closing the case for several months. And in April, when the case was reopened, along with Kam's case (10k points) in the bag, I really thought MD was done deal. But once again, God closed the doors and dragged the case on for another 2 months. I was frustrated.

In the meantime, everyone around me told me that I did a very good job in preparing and presenting my uncle's case. Everyone including TTW, both Sonia and Esther, and Mitchel Singer, the tax lawyer from Transamerica. That case became to talk of the office. My pride started to take over and began to think the I could get myself to MD without anyone's help. And I began to forget to bring glory to God. So God had other plans for me, and refuse to let me close the case. So I eventually shelved the case.

It seem like all was lost in June, with 15k points about to roll, and 31k points to go, I was about to toss in the white towel.

Amazingly, God provided. Within one week, my most disciplined client called me to do further investments and also I found out my parent's insurance policy surrender period was up and needs to be replaced. I quickly closed the cases, and on manual points, I was done. June 20. God is good.

Praise the Lord.

First to hit MD among Ed, Cynthia, and Katy, my pride began to take over again. What I didn't know was God still have one more lesson for me to learn.

Come July 9, the day that June points were suppose to hit the system - I have all my paperwork ready to submit to Head Office for my promotion, thought of running acrossing the stage in Vegas on my mind. The system shows I am 755 point short.

755 points!!! You got to be kidding?!?

By July 15, I realized the error was in a comination of a RSP trade did not reach the system in time, and errors in the points Hassan reported to me.

I was discouraged, it seemed that life was drained out of me. I had 2 options: to dig up 755 points in Apr, May or June, or to run for another 16k points in July.

At the time, I was tired. No, more like exhausted. I knew 16k points is not impossible, but at my current physical state, with 10 days before I fly out to Vegas, I knew it is going to be tough. Especially when my focus will be divided to look for 755 points. Good thing at least Hassan has momentum this month.

I tried every possible way, gone through every channel, till the last week of July, I still could not dig up 755 more points. I had the whole Markham office, TTW, Sherina, Sonia, the Canadian and US Head Office helping me out. I found some true friends during this period of stress: Robert, Julia, and Sonia.

I did everything humanly possible, and I still stepped on the plane to Vegas 9000 points short. I'm burnt out. Everything is up to Hassan now, he told me he will close the 9000 points for me in two days.

It was on that flight, as in my July 27 & 28 journal entry, that I broke down and submit to God.

Only then, God gave me the promotion.

Marketing Director.

Praise the Lord.

All glory belongs to God.

It is truly God's will for me to get this promotion. But only according to his schedule, not by my own works, after I have learned all my lessons and by submitting to Him. Only then, God provided. You can "run", but it's still up to God's timing.

That is why I was lost of words on the stage when I received my promotion... I'm in awe.



Photos