My Dagobah

"Mudhole?! Slimy?! My home this is!" ―Yoda

Dagobah, a harsh, humid, swampy planet, mostly covered in shallow marshland (a.k.a. "a slimy mudhole") where Luke was told to seek Yoda to complete his Jedi training.

"You will go to the Dagobah system. There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed me." ―Obi-Wan Kenobi to Luke Skywalker

I feel I am often back at my own Dagobah to be shaped and moulded by God. A dark and lonely place. A place where I'd rather forget, just like Dagobah seldom appeared in astrography charts and it was discovered and re-scouted several times. A place where there is a dark presence surrounding it. And in such place I must face myself and my fears, much like what Luke had to face in the Dark Side Cave.

"That place… is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go."
"What's in there?"
"Only what you take with you."
―Yoda and Luke Skywalker

Do I want to be here on my Dagobah? No. This is a miserable, dark, lonely and painful place. But as Yoda puts it, "My home this is!" We long to live in a well kept and orderly home. We want our home to look like Coruscant, a busy yet organized and most important political world in the galaxy.

"Seen from orbit, Imperial Center is a blaze of light and sparkling colors, reminding some spacers of corusca stones, after which this planet was named long ago."
―Pollux Hax on Coruscant

These days with social media, one can tidy their profile to show the world only what they want to - a life that is of a blaze of light and sparkling colours. But in reality this is not the world we live in. Our world is harsh, dark, swampy and broken. It serves as a reminder for our souls to long for what's eternal.

I'm beginning to learn that when I am in my Dagobah I am not running from the world. I'm often tempted to make Coruscant my home. To busy myself with work, and to win the appreciation of those around me. But I am called to my Dagobah to deal with the dark places in my life in order to be a light in the equally dark world. Is this a place I want to be? NO! I'd rather be by me Father's side in eternality. But for now, this is where I am called to be. In my dark little Dagobah, learning to be a light in this dark world.

Joy in Sorrows

In the midst of pain, suffering and sorrows, God is making me thankful for all the little things. Like how a silly bear a construction crew randomly put in different places cheered me up everyday last week.

Such joy that men and women of God have known in the midst of sorrow as they trusted in the Lord. Hudson Taylor, the great pioneer missionary to China, lost his beloved wife, Maria, after 12 years of marriage. They had been delighted with each other’s love. Shortly after her death, he wrote to his mother in England,

From my inmost soul I delight in the knowledge that God does or deliberately permits all things, and causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him. 

He and He only knew what my dear wife was to me. He knew how the light of my eyes and the joy of my heart were in her.... But He saw that it was good to take her; good indeed for her, and in His love He took her painlessly; and not less good for me who must henceforth toil and suffer alone--yet not alone, for God is nearer to me than ever. And now I have to tell Him all my sorrows and difficulties, as I used to tell dear Maria; and as she cannot join me in intercession, to rest in the knowledge of Jesus’ intercession; to walk a little less by feeling, a little less by sight, a little more by faith. 

 To one of his mission leaders he wrote at that time, 

My eyes flow with tears of mingled joy and sorrow. When I think of my loss, my heart--nigh to breaking--rises in thankfulness to Him Who has spared her such sorrow and made her so unspeakably happy. My tears are more tears of joy than of grief. But most of all I joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ--in His works, His ways, His providence, in Himself. (Hudson Taylor and the China Inland Mission, the Growth of a Work of God [The China Inland Mission], pp. 199-200, emphasis his.) 

Do you know such abiding joy in the Lord? One of Taylor’s favourite hymns was, “Jesus, I am resting, resting, in the joy of what Thou art; I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart.” That same Jesus and that same joy is available to everyone who will rejoice in Him.

Thank you, Lord.

Romans 5:3-5

Dear Heavenly Father,

You have made me spend a lot of time in Romans 5:3-5 over the past few months, and it is this hope that I am hanging on to. I know you are working in me - in perseverance and in character. But there's always a temptation of wanting the "good old day". The old me that I am comfortable with. However, I know you are the master creator, who am I to complain? 

Back to the hope... I just want to ask when it is okay to let go? It is okay to let go? If I let go, I can learn to accept the deck you have dealt me and move on in my life. I can be truly happy for others and accept the fact that this is a blessing you chose not to give me. I can finally leave this lonely place, bury the pain and maybe reintegrate myself back into the world. But it is because of this hope, this promise, I am constantly back in this dark place. A completely closed door is easier to swallow than a dark narrow road that leads to the unknown. It is distracting. Debilitating. Discouraging. 

But thank you, Lord, for randomly sending me this quote a few days ago:

"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

Thank you, Lord, for the encouragement. I'll hang on, and be surprised by you.

Amen.