Mentally Tired

Why am I so distracted recently? By every little small and big things.
Emotions running wild. Voices in my head. I cannot hear God's words.
Brothers and sisters were telling my to deal with these emotions
directly. However, I had doubts. Though what they said made sense,
however, I continue to play Gideon.


Dealing direct with my emotions could settle many voices in my
mind. I did it once last year and it was a blessing and brought me
peace. However, this time, something seem different. As though there
was something else I was meant to learn. Am I playing Gideon or
learning a lesson in patience? Only God can tell. But I began to panic
for I cannot calm down to hear God's voice.



Thank God, with some thought and the experience from preparing
today's Senior Worship Children message, I realized my emotions ran
wild is not the root cause of the problem. The problem is that I am
mentally tired, even since the conclusion of Show N' Tell week in June.
From that week and all the travelling I did, I have never recovered.
And being mentally tired, every little or big things distracted me.
From little things such as the Tour of France, NHL free agents, or big
things such as my emotions, all swamped my mind with voices.



So the past two weeks, I have been overwhelmed by my emotions and
seeking for ways to deal with these emotions, while all along it was my
that is tired. In due time, I will address my emotions, but Joel,
patience, wait for God's directions.

God's Signature

G.K Chesterton once said that the older one gets the more it takes to
fill the heart with wonder, and that only God was big enough for that.



5:43 am, front row seats, literally, to God's greatest specticule,
the morning sunrise. It is a specticule He prepared for us every
morning since the beginning of time. Yet, every morning, it is atill
filled with His glory and majesty.



Last night, Genuine and I stared up into the heavens, watching
shooting starts streak across the evening sky. We commented how small
we are, in comparison to the whole universe.

Learning to be a Spiritual Camel

This past two weeks, I am getting a taste of what to come over the next three years. Allocating time between ministry, work and family, I was trying to find time to attend to all three. What suffered most was my quiet time with my Father. Though I still have time to read in the office or time to think and listen to sermon during my time on the road, I still long for some quiet personal time with Father.

I began to understand the amount of time need to prepare a sermon (10 hours for every hour of message). Over the past two weeks I faired pretty well, preparing of a sermon, maintain to be the "hardest working" in the office, completing my errands, and even making time to have dim sum with grandma. But it has been taxing, and I'm feeling the tireness now. For the same reason, I'm looking forward to this weekend rafting/camping trip. At a camping trip I can always find some quiet time to spend with Father and to wonder at His majesty creation. To become a spiritual camel, load up with my time with Father, and get ready to jump right back into minitry next week.

A Productive Birthday

27 already. Every since university, I did not like celebrating my birthday. Maybe because I always had to study on my birthday since the exams of summer term is always at the end of July. But I think the main reason is because I do not like all the attention on myself. Therefore I don't find birthdays any different than any other days.

So I decided to run errends today. A great way to spend some productive time all by myself. But to start the day off, dim sum with Grandma. Realizing I haven't had lunch with grandma much since she moved up north, it's time to catchup with her. But apparently she had dim sum plans already with two other "por por", so I join the three of them for dim sum.

I guess it has been a year since Lee, my younger cousin, got married. And also two years since Nap's wedding, my older cousin. That was the center of discussion for grandma and the two por por. "Ah Yin, when is your turn?" They took the liberty of taking turn giving my tips on how to find the "perfect wife". So funny, entertaining all the suggestions. I took their suggestion with a grain of salt because I already know the qualities I should look for in my wife. They are listed in Proverbs 31.

Another funny incident occured during dim sum, probably due to the numbing effect of today's center of discussion, is that all of a sudden I forgot how to write my Chinese name. I felt so ashamed. Maybe it's a wake up call from God, telling me to sharpen my Chinese.

After dim sum, I had my fury of errands. I went to Tyndale to register for my courses. I got my first choice in all my course, 4 courses in Fall, 5 in the Winter.

Fall '05 - Greek I, Systematic Theology I, Leadership Development, Worship & Liturgy
Winter '06 - Greek 2, Systematic Theology 2, NT History & Theology, Bible Interpretation, Spiritual Formation

Praise God, I got Prof Penner for both Greek.

After registering, I went to Scarborough Town Center to renew my license plate. But I realize I needed to do emission testing first. So emission testing I go. The wait time was good, gave me a chance to do some reading. Afterward, back to STC for renewal, but I realized I forgot my auto-insurance in the car. Third time the charm. license plate renewed, I went home and decided to wash and wax my car, completely clean the interior, fix the broken truck light and change the engine oil.

Fixing the truck light was a challenge. Now I know what it feels like to be a dead body in the truck. I found out that the truck light was broken, so I was lying in the trunk trying to solder the wire upside-down. That was a first.

After all that, off to church for coffeehouse rehersal... or so I thought.

After picking up Harmony, arrived at church to see Mike to be first one at the church locked out. So I went to unlock the door. When I opened the door, I found it odd that the alarm was not set. Then before stepping through the door, I looked down as saw a plate of whip cream, "Uh oh". My last sight was Genuine jumping out from behind the door. There's no point in running, I just turned around and walked. Whip cream, shaving cream, flour, eggs, water... 16 people throwing all sort of things at me. All that was missing was chocolate chip and I'll become a human cookie.

Man, they got me competely off guard. Coffeehouse rehersal. That was a good one. What amazing is that I only know all of them of a year. I praise God for the bond we developed over the last year. They had my complete trust. And spending my birthday with these brothers and sisters is the best thing I can ask for. Thank You, Lord for these great friends.

Angie, Olga, Olwen and Candy baked me a cake. Candy and Genunie made me a wonderful scrapbook. Theresa and Johan got me a very nice gift. How blessed I am? Thank You, Lord, for giving me the best birthday ever. And thank you, Candy, for all the planning you put it.

But Gen and Candy, you know I usually find a way to top whatever to done to me. So lemme see, who's birthday is next? Ahhh, that's right, July 29th, Genuine's birthday. Mahahah.

Rehabililating for the glory of God

"Everyone is addicted to something..."
~Rev. Michael Lau

This was what Rev Lau said during the pastoral meeting after he came back from CCCOWE in Macau. The question is, in the year 2006 and beyond, how shall we advance the Gospel? Do we still go door-to-door? But that will leave a sour taste of cold-calling or force sales in the mouths of people. Do we preach in the streets corner? Most will just treat it as noise. Friendship evengelism? A little better, but what shall we say to our friends.

What did Jesus do?

He formed relationships with the needy and addressed their needs. What kind of needs? Physical health? Yes. Spiriual oppression? Yes. Emotional emptiness? Yes. But in all these cases, Jesus addressed the root cause of these needs. Our addiction to sin.

When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."
~Mark 2:5

The Bible did not give details of what kind of sins this paralytic man was addicted to, however, Jesus addressed his sins by forgiving, and the paralytic man was healed. This is the cutting edge of the Gospel. This is the core value of friendship evengelism and prayer evengelism. To build relationships with the lost and allow Christ to reach out to their addiction. It is only when this addiction is addressed and forgiven by the love of God that the lost can be found and freed from the bondage of sin.

Looking at our church, with a focus on healing and aiding single parent family and parents of problem child, we need to retool our leadership to cater to the hearts of the congregation. The greatest need is that the majority of the congregation will be VDP (Very Draining People) and VNP (Very Needy People). We will need the discernment from God to seek out the VRP (Very Resource People) from the congregation to move the VDP and VNP to VTP (Very Trainable People) and VIP (Very Important People).

We are all rehabililating from our addiction of sin, we should do it for the glory of God.

Shuttle Discovery Back in Space

The space shutter program is back, with the successful takeoff of the shuttle Discovery. I seem not too long ago since the Columbia incident. I was in Ottawa, visiting Nabil's house. When Nabil told me that Houston lost the shuttle, I was like "no way!"

That was 2 years ago. These two years God used the story of Rick Husband, commander of the shuttle Columbia STS-107 at the time of the incident, to renew my faith and draw me back to Him. Because of His faith, Rick Husband became my hero. And now that the shuttle program is back after two years of self-investigation and preparation, similar I feel that I am too ready to soar with the Lord after two years of training from the Lord. There's still a lot yet to be learn, but I can already soar on wings like eagles.

Just a Bunch of Vocal Cords

Wow. Gave my second sermon today in the English Service. Once again complete exhausted. I realized I'm just a tool used in God's will, nothing but a bundle of vocal cords making noise for God's message.

Pieces of the Puzzle Fall Together

Tears of joy. The most incredible joy.

Joy of prayers answered. For six months, I prayed. Six months of challenges from God. How little faith I have? If God can create the heaven and the earth in six days, surely He can soften my harden heart in six months.

What I realized is that when God issues a challenge, there's no way you will not able to do His will. Without us knowing at the time, He has already given us all the gifts and talents we need to complete the challange. We God called me into service six months ago, what at first I thought as a challenge to brisge the Chinese and English congregation (a task which I fail 10 years ago), but it turn out to be leading a fellow brother into a closer walk with God.

Six months of hard work, six months of learning, six months of feeling under-equipped for such task. Prayers answered with the brother telling me he realize that no matter what our Father comes first. Our Father, the unchanging One, who does not break any promises, if the source of all hope.

The joy, and relief, the knowledge of knowing God will give you all the strenght you need when He chooses you. THANK YOU, LORD!!!

Also thank You, Lord, for telling me there's nothing to look back onto, the only hope in in front of me. "Time to step forward". Thank You, the putting the puzzle of my life together, and forming the perfect picture.

Life Under the Microscope - Little Creatures Revisited

When I was young, my favorite toy was my microscope. (Yes, I'm a nerd) I love to collect different things and plop it on a slide and watch it under 1000x magnification. I remember from the water I collected from a pond, a whole new world that was teeming with life came into view under the microscope. Watching the little creature swimming around in their little world. The microorganism went about doing their business, not aware of my prying eyes observing their every move.

In God's eyes, we are too His little creatures. Most of the time we are not aware of Him watching us. We watches us through His heavenly microscope lenses so powerful that can even count the number of hairs on our head. But then, imagine, one day while our Heavenly Father was observing us and noticing us struggling and ill in our little world of mirky pond water. He calls His Beloved Son over, and points to you saying, "Son, I want You to go and save this one. No, not with our surgical tools, but You go into that mirky water, become one of them, and die for this little one."

Yes, I love to observe all the wonder microorganisms under the microscope, but to die for one?!? Let alone jump into the pond I collected the water from? No way. But, this is what His Beloved Son said:

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."
~Luke 22:42

Then He took off His heavenly robe, dived into the mirky waters, put on our sin infested clothes and a crown of thorns, stretched out His arms and died for you in love. Imagine the sacrifice, on the part of both Father and Son. For a Father who so love to watch us under the microscope, He too was in too much pain to watch at that moment. But in result, we are given an invitation to swim in the prestine heavenly waters for eternity.

As we learn our lessons in faith, remember this. God the Father loves to watch us in His mircoscope, even when you are not aware of Him watching. There is only one moment in time when He turned His eyes away from our little world, when His own Son died for us. And when He sees us struggling, He'd sent His own Son into our world to save us, let alone the Holy Spirit and heavenly angels. So fear not, and have faith in His perfect will.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
~Deut 31:6

*******

Funny how as I pour my thought down on paper for the Lord, the Lord leads me to write something completely different from what I intented to. But thank God for painting such a beautiful picture of Your love.

What I really wanted to write about was not only God is watching me under His microscope, but as God continues to call me and shape me into His tool, other people are watching me under their microscope. I first felt this heat several months ago when because of miscommunication rides were not probably arranged for the Good Friday's service. It was no one's fault in particular, just simple miscommunication and misunderstanding. However, as the chairperson of the English congragation I took the heat from some of the non-believing parents. Then over the last few months, especially with the public declaration of my intent to attend seminary, I am becoming more aware of the eyes watching my every move -- from people at church, at the office, friends and family.

It can be very uncomfortable at times, especially when I know someone will be analyzing my every action. But thank God, for putting me in this enviroment where I am constantly kept accountable for all my actions. Also thank God for preparing me for this scrutiny through my transparency in my journal. And I know God will deliver me from the pressure and fears of the prying eyes.

"I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears."
~Ps 34:4

The Test and The Stumbling Block

*The Test*

Back from Ottawa, Montreal and Quebec City. One would assume it was a relexing trip, enjoying the sun and the mountains. Yes, indeed it was a fun weekend on the bike, but it has been challenging weekend also. This challenge was hard to put on paper, but after chatting with Johan today and along with the recent study in Every Young Man's Battle with the high school boys confirms that no longer I should let Satan keep these things bottled up in the dark.

Being is such vacation/tourist spots and along with the hot and humid weather, it is a challenge for most man. I think Pastor Paul said it best in his last message. Summer fashion can be pretty merciless for most man. Shirt skirts, low tops, the summer is filled with landmines of sexual temptations. This is a true test of "bouncing eyes".

"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a young woman."
~Job 31:1

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
Eph 5:3

Bouncing the eyes, what this means is that when a man sees something that is sexually tempting he is to immediately divert his eyes. This is a tough test, but I know strength comes from the Lord. Knowing that nothing is better than Jesus calms my male tendencies. I think most man will agree, sexual temptations are difficult challenges. And I must admit I have failed in such temptations. But praise God, His grace is enough to lift us up from the muck of sins. Also, God has been giving me strength by reminding me to stand firm in these temptations for the sake of my future wife. Plus for every woman, no matter how "merciless" in the way they dress, is a daughter of a father. And in honour and respect, I would too want to raise my future daughter in purity and holiness. So in conclusion, I do not have the authority to look with lust.

Thank You, Father, for the trials. I know you are shaping me into the man you want me to be.


*The Stumbling Block*

It is amazing how God uses long trips on the road to speaks to me. Over the last week, I have spent over 30+ hours on the road. My mind was filled with insights, some weird, some deep. Thank You, Lord, for the Holy Spirit continuing to speak to me.

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."
~John 14:26

With the help of the Holy Spirit, I began to understand one of my potential stumbling block. Fear, just as what pastor Tom Holladay from Saddleback preached about. One thing I have convinced myself that I am not good at is languages. Beside cantonese and english, I have had trougle with other languages I tried to learn (mandrian, french and latin). And now I am expect to learn NT greek over the next two years. During the drive, I realized the problem is not the difficulty in learning the language, it is my fear of using and practicing it. My fear is that I will make a fool of myself trying. Funny though, I make a fool of myself all the time anyway, so why the fears?

That's one thing I still need to learn more about myself. Why the fear?

Small Creatures

When you think of small creatures, what do you think of? Ants? Puppies? Single cell creatures?

A weird brainwave over came me today during worship today. We were singing Trust His Heart when this weird thought came to me.

"All things work for our good
Though sometimes we can't see how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just can't see Him
Remember you're never alone

Chorus:
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
Don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
He holds the future in His hands
So don't live as those who have no hope
All our hope is found in Him
We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him"
~Trust His Heart

As we sang in worship, I realized we ARE the small creatures. In the grand scheme of the universe, we are smaller than a speck of dust. At times we think we are in control of the world. Oh how we have been fooled. What can we control in our life? The actions we choose in the present. The past is passed, we cannot change the past. And the future has not happened so we cannot do anything about it. So whenever, if ever, we are in "control", it is only control of the present.

What is the present? The sliver of time where the past and the future meets. So that in the grand scheme of the universe, it's nothing. However, to our Father who is the Alpha and the Omega, He controls the past, the present and the future. So to our Father, we are extremely small creatures. However, He still loves us enough to forsake His son for us.

How great is that love?

Humility

Humility, n 1: a disposition to be humble; a lack of false pride

A lack of false pride. What better way to describe the lesson God is teaching me recently -- lessons in humility and obedience. God spoke to me through Ed Silvoso's Anointed for Business:

"It is not your strength that I am after, it is your obedience"

How much truth is in that phrase?

We tend to take pride in what we are good at. The misconception is that we are definited by our strengths, and we are encouraged to use these gifts God has given us. On the shirt daddy gave me for my baptism, is says:

"You life is a gift from God, what you do with it is your gift to God."

So with that, I was encouraged to execise my strengths in service to God. However, I realized that the danger in that is I would easily take pride in my strengths -- in what I was good at. So what God did was to give me a wake up call. He basically said to me that it does not matter to Him what my gifts are. I baffled be for a few days, until finally God reveiled the trust to me.

My strengths, He's the one who gave them to me. So Father knows all about my strength and what I am capable (or not capable) of. So in that sense, He does not care about my strengths. Therefore, there is nothing to take pride in, for such pride is a false pride.

All that matters to God is our obedience. God gave me the tools and gifts to carry out His work on earth, to bring the Kingdom of God here on earth. It is my part to use these strength for His glory.

Finding Peace in the God of Wonders

Greetings from Montreal. Praise the Lord for giving me peace and rest over the last few days. Brother Patrick and I has been away in an excursion over the last two days. We decided to take a few days off to see Ottawa, Montreal and Quebec city.

Everytime I return to Ottawa and drive on Colonal By along the canal, a certain calmness over comes me. The beauty of the waters, the spendid of the flowers, and the clear blue skies, reminds me of the glory of our Father.

"Lord of all creation
Of the water, earth and sky
The Heavens are your Tabernacle
Glory To the Lord on high"

To top off the visit to Ottawa was the bike ride along the canal. In the 3 years I lived in Ottawa, I have never once ride my bike in Ottawa until now. On the bike, with the gentle breeze and the amazing view, it is as though God coming to lift all my worries and sorrows away. Then, today, there was the drive to Mont Tremblant. The majestic mountains, the lush green valleys, and the blue green mountain lakes. Throughout the quiet ride on the twisty mountian roads, what else can I think of but God's wonderful work of art.

"Early in the morning
I will celebrate the light
And when I stumble into darkness
I will call your name by night"

Lord, it never cease to amaze me how much you know about me. You know exactly what I needed, and you call me. You know I need rest and peace, you took me through the widerness to give my rest. It is funny, I am usually pretty good with directions on the road. But on route to Tremblant, I purpose took an unknown route, trusting God will speak to me. And this unknown route too us 90 minutes off course. On the drive, I learn that the Lord is not interested in our strengths. He gave us those strengths, so He already knows we can excel in these areas. It was as if God was speaking directly to me, Joel, I know you are good with directions, will you trust me and let me lead you through an unfamilar path, without a map. He cares about obedience, not your strength.

Funny though, I know God has been teaching my lessons on obedience. That has been the theme over the past few weeks. However, through these lesson Satan been planning seed of doubt in my mind questioning me whether or not I know the will of God. I remember in the past saying so sure that if one is close to the Lord there no way he will not know the will of God. Funny now in my weakness I began to doubt. Lord, help me stand firm in your faith. I know you are near, give me the strenght to focus on you and understand your will.

The peaceful drive today gave me a chance to think. To think about how much has God worked in my over the last year. The lessons in faith, in trust, in love, in patience and in discipline. I know God still have much to work in me, but He constantly reminds me the there is nother better than Jesus -- no the riches of this world, nor the satisfaction from worldly pleasures.

"God of wonders
Beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe
Declares your majesty
You are holy, holy"
~God of Wonders

You are Holy, but what's amazing is that by calling us children of God, you desire us to be holy too. Oh, Father, Father. How many times have I forsaken this holiness you gave me? But yet, you never forsaken me. And continue to choose to work with me. Father, Father, thank You.

Chicken or the Egg?

Funny, on a drive yesterday, my mind when through one of those random routine of mental aerobics. I began to ponder the age old question of the chicken of the egg. Or more specifically, cause and effect. Cause and effect. The reason why the chicken or the egg question is so fascinating is because we are not about to determine which one is the cause and which one is the effect. Is the chicken result of the hatching of the egg? Or is it because of the chicken, therefore the egg came into exsistance.

Why did I have these thoughts? I was reflecting by on my Las Vegas trip, gathering what I learn from the experience. Over the past year, I have been especially careful with me actions. I have constantly checked the motives of my action, learning self-control and humility. Learning about my weaknesses, over the ast year I have failed many times in motive. Seeking personal glory rather than glorifying God. And going to Vegas, I was not completely clear on what's God will for me so I was afraid of my personal desires taking over.

That was my constant struggle last week, fighting back my personal desires, and allowing God to move in me. It was tough. My spirit is telling me "no", my flesh shouting "YESSSS!!!! Go for it!"

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
~Rom 7:15

What I want to do -- to be patient, to obey, to wait in the Lord -- I do not do. What I hate -- self-seeking, emotional gratification -- I do. I do not understand what I do. So what was my solution? I ran -- ran away from my personal desires. But I realized that running is not the best solution, because when you run you have to understand what you are running from. And I did not know exactly what I was running from.

This is where the chicken or the egg comes in. Should I run and hide? But what if God's will is for me to face "what I hate"? What if God is using this confrontation, this struggle, to build up my character and accomplish His will? If so, if I run, yes it is right to run from temptations, but we are also called to stand up in trial. So it is facing trials will reveal God's will? Or it is God's will for us to face these trials?

Chicken of the egg?

Dig in or pack up and run?

" 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created."
~James 1:2-18

So, the "what I hate", are those trials or temptations? It was difficult the first few days in Vegas. Whenever a hint of self-seeking, emotional gratification surfaced, I ran. But it was driving me nuts, chipping away at my will. To the point I said to myself I will keep running and if it is God's will He will open doors. But problem is how many doors does Father have to open before I have the courage to step through?

I am tempted by my own evil desire, but with Christ in me is the hope of glory. I should not be afraid of the actions I made, that's what lying down my lift means. To put to death the desires of my heart, and let God take the driver seat in life. It is not about chicken or the egg! God created both the chicken and the egg. It is not cause and effect. It is just God's will. From experience God do use my emotions to set things in motion. To be absolutely honest, that was how this journal started in the first place. Joel, just be near to the Father, and your actions will be according to His will.

"But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."
~Psalms 73:28

Be Near, oh God.

"I was there"

Adpated from Glorious Appearing, by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins:

"Joel, I knew your name before the foundation of the world. I have prepared a place for you, and if it were not so, I would have told you. I was there when you were born.

"I was there when you thought your parents think you are useless. I was there when you failed in school. When you almost ran away from home, before you knew Me. I was there when you moved to Canada. And I was waiting when finally you came to Me, in your living room when you prayed in My name.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I am the lover of your soul. You were meant to be with Me for eternity, and now you shall be.

"I pray to My Father, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that I may dwell in your heart through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height -- to know My love which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that you ask and think, according to the power that works in you, to Him be glory in the church to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."


What can I say? Thank You, Lord...

Lance Back in Yellow

Almost halfway through the Tour de France, 11 stages to go, unless for any major accidents one can consider the Tour de France done. After letting go of the pressure of the yellow jersey of a day, Armstrong reclaims yellow and it doesn't look like anyone could take it from him now. Aside from Mickael Rasmussen might have small chance, proving that they can ride with Lance up today's Category 1 climb to the finish, ‘Vino’, ‘Klodi’ and ‘Ulle’ could not keep up with the 6 times Tour winner.

What determination and teamwork. Armstrong proving once again he is king of the mountain, tore up the category 1 climb to the finish and blowing my all his major competitors. All this requires focus, determination and desire to win the prize.

Saddleback Church Visit

Back in Toronto, at the airport waiting for mom to pick me up. Aside from the brief rollercoaster ride, I slept through the entire flight. Shortly after landing, got a message from Jenny that she’s also home safe and sound. Praise the Lord!

Yesterday, Winnie, Jenny and I drive out from Las Vegas to visit Saddleback Church. The excitement was high on route to Saddleback. However, the trip did have it’s obstacles. From clocks set to 3 hours fast, to traffic jam and completely getting lost when we were supposedly 0.4 miles from the church, I felt that spiritual warfare was trying to keep us from reaching church with the heart of worship. While we finally arrived 30 minutes late to service, but Praise God, He taught the three of us to encourage each other.

Upon arrival at Saddleback, we were amazed at the size of the church. There were 6 venues to choose from with various worship styles. One thing that was confusing was finding parking. The parking lots were all full and following the parking attendant’s directions we were actually directed to the exit. It felt like, “Welcome to Saddleback, our parking lots are full, you may leave now.” We managed to find parking at the Ministry Building, and on our trek up the hill to the Worship Center, a nice lady offered us a ride there.

At the Worship Center, I was in awe. Walking by the baptism pool, people were sitting outside in the patio enjoying the sun and receiving God’s word over loud speakers. It was not Rick Warren speaking, but the message was powerful. We found standing room at the entrance of the Worship Center. I must admit, it was a humbling experience for me. As a newcomer to the church I was expecting to be welcomed and ushered to the proper areas. But God said to me, “Why should you deserve special treatments, humble yourself and serve Me.” That’s the continual message Father is training me – obedience and humility.

After the service, I then truly realize the size of the church. The Worship Center sits 2000 worshippers, along with the other 5 venues, overflow sitting and patio sitting, there must be around 5000 adults in attendance. It was like a convention, and they have services 6 times a week. Wow! And the line up for speakers they have over the next few weeks. Next week, Steve Arterburn. The end of July, Lee Strobel. Double wow!!!

We took time running around the church campus, it is truly amazing. They have a shark tank in the Children Building, BBQ and patio by the High School Ministry Building, rivers and cascading waterfall running throughout the campus. And mostly amazingly, a hill with the Calvary on top and the tomb built right into the hill. Beach volleyball court, basketball courts, and a frisbee golf field. We were like kids running around the church campus. We agreed that in the Kingdom of God, we will too run around giggling, laughing, rolling on the grass, climbing up rocks, and splashing water.

What an amazing church! But, I was reaffirmed that, for now, Logos Baptist Church is my home. No matter how much fun Saddleback is, I still miss the brothers and sisters at Logos. Over the last few weeks, one thing God has been doing is to stretch my vision – To think big and do big things for God. Maybe one day, we will have our own church campus. But all those are just materialistic things, the most important thing I learn was the Saddleback method to connect and cater to different groups.

What’s next? Willowcreek? 722? Brooklyn Tabernacle? :P

Obedience will be Rewarded

“It is very important to remember that this ocean of blessings began at the headwaters of a very tiny creek. The key, the origin, was simple obedience”
~Ed Silvoso, Anointed for Business

With the new found peace in the Lord, my attitude made a 180۫ turn. Spirits lifted. All the bitterness disappeared. I once again found the joy in Christ. After getting the front row seats on Friday morning, I decided to disappear from my group for more quiet time. I had about 2 hours before the general session started at 8am, so I decided to take a prayer walk around the arena. Praying for the convention, claim this convention for the Lord. The great thing about a convention, I noticed, is that everyone wears a name tag. So after the prayer walk, I decided to sit by the gates and pray for people by name as they walked into the arena.

What peace! “Come to Me, and I will give you rest.” What a change from Wednesday and Thursday! Though my left foot still hurts, I was able to place others before me. Just as Blair Singer said, we should each focus on our strengths to get the work done.

In the conference, a speaker said that “Greed is having a gift and not sharing it.” What about the love worth giving? Jesus poured out His love for us, and if we received this precious gift, we are greedy if we don’t share it with others. That was my motivation to get up early and fight for seats for the team. The show them I have a love that’s worth seeking. A marketplace minister, that God’s calling.

Usually for be, the toughest time of a convention day is after lunch. Either I’m hungry, or I’m full and falling asleep. But in the afternoon power session, Ken Davis asked if anyone has a laptop. And for some reason, I happened to have my laptop on me. So Ken used my laptop for his presentation and in return, he let me sit among the CEO’s in the very front. Wow, that an experience. I observed how and CEO’s encourage one another before their trainings, and how much fun they had up front. And I was about to see every little details since I’m so close to the stage and screen. I was so close to the big screen that I was able to notice Penny Ooi had a copy of Purpose Driven Life in her profile video.

No matter how early I lineup, and even being first in line, I can only get a seat in the front but on the side. But with obedience, blessings will pour out from heaven.

“not by works, so that no one can boast.”
~Eph 2:9

“Come to Me, and I will give you rest”

Friday morning, 4:15am. Outside of Grand Garden Arena, MGM Grand, lining up for the day’s conference. Well, it is not really lining up when you are the only person in line. This is funny, but in the buzzing city of Las Vegas this is the place where I find the most peace – a peace that was lacking all week so far.

To be absolutely honest, this year in Las Vegas, I am not having a blast. It is not that I am not excited. In fact, I must admit that one have to be pretty excited to line up for a conference at 4:15 in the morning. Every morning, I’ve been so looking forward to the day that I’ve been up at 6:00 the past two mornings and 3:45 this morning. The reason why I am not enjoying my stay is because of the injury to my left foot. According to Dr. Robert, because of the flat sandals all morning Wednesday the arch was not properly supported. In result was a pull of the tendon on along the top of my left foot. The advice Dr. Robert gave me was to loosen the laces of my left shoe. It is pretty immobilizing, every step I take sends pain up my leg. And bearing this pain all day long is pretty taxing on the mind.

Sorry Lord, I have not been a good witness. With the pain in my foot my focus been on myself, I have lost the “saltiness” in my life. I became bitter, complaining about everything – from the hotel to everything else around me.

Thank You, Lord, for speaking to my in devotions. “Come to Me, and I will give you rest.” Rest – that is exactly what I needed. God cannot work with an angry Christian. Eph 4:26-27 I was allowing Satan to slip into my walk and controlling my life. I needed to come to God.

Thoughts from 36000ft

Here we go again. The flight to Las Vegas. I should be sleeping, tired from the hour I spent on my bike today. But cannot sleep, thoughts racing through my mind. It must be a habit I’m developing, pouring my thoughts into my journal on route to Vegas. I just spent some time flipping through my entries from last year’s flight to Vegas. What a different mindset I am in compared to last year. Last year, I was tired, burnt out, looking forward to go to Vegas to get away. This year, for some reason, I am not in a mood to go.

I will be absolutely honest. Over the past two days, I’m feeling week – spiritually. It must be the crash from last week adrenaline rush at Show N’ Tell. From a week of advance the kingdom of God, to a week in “sin-city”. Well, I would be lying if I said I do not want to go to Vegas at all, but I do miss my church and the fellowship of brothers and sisters. Such mixed feelings, for some reason I feel that mental and spiritually I am just not ready for Vegas.

Especially when God suddenly open a door for me to go back to Hong Kong in August. Mom found a flight for $1400, $900 cheaper than what we previously found. But how would a trip to Hong Kong affect my summer. 2 things I learned from Show N’ Tell. 1) Never to doubt God. If it is His plan, He will make things happen one way or another. 2) Don’t worry about results, God determines the results, our part is obedience,

So, what does all this mean? Obedience. No matter how big the task, if it is God’s will, it will happen. I just have to do my part in obedience. Do my part in obedience… God is not calling me to sit with my arms cross and let him do His part. He’s inviting me to be part of the action – part of His miracles. But just like Show N’ Tell, that means hard work, discipline, and perseverance.

Ride the Good Race

I've been bad. Eyes glued to the TV again whenever I have the chance. But I cannot help it, it's July. It's the Tour de France. Yellow jersey, the sprints, the climbs, the teamwork, and the perserverance. 3500km, 20 days. As I am typing this, I have the updates of the stage 4 TTT in the other window. At 2nd time check, Team Discovery Channel is trailing Team CSC by 6". Armstrong and his team should be crossing the finishing line in any minute now. Hope they can make up the 6".

It is amazing that a group of 9 riders can achieve an average speed of over 55km/hr over 67.5km. That's as fast as I drive my car in the city. That why I love watching (and participating in) cycling. At first glance, it seems like a individual sport. But no individual can maintain speeds of 55+km/hr over 67.5km. It's all about team work. Throughout the tour, Team Discovery Channel rides around Armstrong to break the wind for him, to protect him and to chase down breakaway for him for one purpose, to gain and keep the yellow jersey on Armstrong's back.

Come to think about it, if Paul were to live in the modern time and wrote the epistlos again, I think he would of wrote about cycling instead. :P

Paul often talked about running the good race -- with perservence and in such a way as to get the prize. (1 Cor 9:24, Heb 12:1) But in 1 Thessalonians and throughout his letters, he mentioned that the Christian walk is about teamwork too.

" Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
~1 Th. 5:11

So just like in the Tour de France, living the Christian walk it's about personal perservance and hardwork, but also brothers and sisters in Christ has to work as a team, to keep the pure white clothes Christ has clothed us with. Handing onto this holiness without letting go. Ultimately, only Christ can clothes us in His holiness, it is our duty to obey His will. But praise be to God, He surrounds us with brothers and sisters on our Christian bike ride. :)

Stage 4 is over, Team CSC just crossed the finish line, 2" behind Team Discovery Channel. YEAH!!! Wow, what a close race! That means Lance Armstrong will take the yellow jersey for stage 5.

Make Unreached History

Today, in one of those rare moments, I sat in my room glued to the TV. I was watching the Live8 concert happening all over the world. In London, Paris, Berlin, Rome, Philadelphia, Barrie (Toronto), Tokyo, Johannesburg and Moscow, musicians performed to raise awareness to end the poverty in Africa.

It was a stars-studded performance in the 9 cities, but in reality I was not glue to the TV because of the performances. I was glued to the TV because my heart cries out to Africa. The hope of the concerts was to raise awareness to the leaders in the G8 to pour money into developing countries to provide rescources and funding to these countries. I am total for this idea, but with what I learned from last week in Show N' Tell week, I have a more effective idea.

"if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."
~2 Ch. 7:14

The Lord promised He will heal their land if His people will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways. And with the healing of their land, it will make poverty history. You see, the problem is not poverty -- it is the lack of the Gospel in their land.

In support group at church, we were to all pick a country and pray for the people of that country. I picked Somalia because it is the most unreached country in the world. I heart cries out to Somalia. In Somalia, there are 15 distinct people groups, 10 million in population. Of these 15 people groups, 13 are least reached. There are only 6 churches in all of Somalia. And the 300 British living in Somalia has 5 of the 6 churches. The Digil-Rahawiin people are the most unreached in the world.

http://www.joshuaproject.net

If we can bring the message of God to the people in Africa, the Lord will heal their land. This concept was already proven in the modern world. Take Almolonga, Guatemala for example. More than 90% of the population is Christian. All of the bars and the jail have closed -- for good. Crime is nonexistent. Almolonga, an agrarian community, produces phenomenal crops and ships them all over Central America. Poverty and unemployment have been eradicated.

http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/CWN/061005Guatemala.asp

We can make it a better place to live for the people in Africa, by bringing God's words to the nations. Fellow brothers and sisters, let's unite our prayers and bring the word of God to the unreached. Let's make unreached history.

Show N' Tell

What a week!

Sorry to those who are keeping me accountable through these journals; for the lack of updates. I had reasons to step back from journaling online, I will explain further tomorrow. But without further adue, lemme update you all what happened this past week.

Over the last week, I held an evangelistic training camp at the church, called Show N' Tell. I do not wish to boast, and this is not the intention of this entry. To be honest, everything that happened this week, I did not but my fair share of work to make this week possible. But come to thing about it, I am just glad the God was willing to work with me in this project. He could have done it all by Himself, but He decided to let me help a little. Thanks You, Lord.

Thanks to Candy and Genuine's card for their words of encouragement. In the planning of Show N' Tell, there were times I wanted to give up. Even up to the week before last week, I had doubts. Kids are not yet off school, I don't have training materials... I didn't know how many kids will attend. But I was reminded of Theresa's sacrifice, how she two months in advance took the week off work, just so that she could help in the evangelistic training week. Along with an encouraging phone call from Candy, I was encouraged to press on. Thank God for placing brothers and sisters along side to encourage and support me.

In regards of the training material, with the help of Rev. Lau, Rev. Thumb and Theresa, I did not have much to worry about. I was amazing how God just dropped everything He wanted on my lap. To be honest, I did not do much planning. God provided the speakers, God provided the videos, God provided the devotional materials, God provided the opportunity to serve at Scott Missions... planning was the easy part. The moment of truth was did I have the faith to believe God will provide the attendees.

I realized how little faith I had, even on Sunday night, I did not believe many high school students will attend. But I learn how God will always provide for His plans. Thoughout Sunday night, Winnie, Leanne and Natasha called me to ask for a ride to the church in the morning. The three girls became the backbone of the week. As I shared with Theresa on Tuesday morning devotions that I did not doubt people will attend, one by one people arrived to church. On average we had 10 attendees per day.

With the program set and people present, I did not doubt anything about this week anymore. The experience at Hillcrest Mall, Scott Missions and sandwich run in downtown was amazing. I could see the kids eyes open, and the opportunity to experience urban missions right in Toronto. I was excited to heard from Stephan that this past week was one of his most memorable experience this year. Praise God for opening a whole new mission opportunity for the kids.

Last but not least thanks to Olwen and Olga's family for opening their house for me to stay over when there was a power outage at the church. Eventhough I love the experience of staying over at the church by myself, reminded me of Samuel and his stay at the temple of God, but being alone at the church without power will be too much to bear. Plus the bed is a more relaxing alternative to the hard pews are the church.

But now, I'm glad to be once again in my own bed after the long week. I looking forward to my rest. Good night.

Joel's World Through Tinted Glasses

Hi All,

I must once again apologize for the lack of updates over the past 2 months. So much have happened and I came to the realization of something. And because of this revoluation, God gave me the faith to carrt out the Show N' Tell week. All glory belongs to the Lord.

What I realized was that I thought I was transparent through my journals. And where at first when I began journal online I clearly spoke my mind, but as the amount of visitor increased, I was being careful what I post. Over the past two month, I learn a great lesson of humility. I am not a godly man, and I've been trying to hide behind my journal where people got to see my world through tinted glasses. Tinted glasses that hid the dirt and mire. I was living in the illusion that I was transparent, but I was only posting what I wanted people to see.

But over the last two months, I realized I should no longer hide in shame. For in Christ there's no shame and condemnation.

"1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD. "
~Psalms 40:1-3

I am a saints, living in a sinful body. The blood of Jesus have paid for my sins, I am forgiven and redeemed. With the strength of Christ, I must let Him overcome the power of sin. (Rom 7) And to embrace the mystery of the Gospel.

"To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory."
~1 Cor 1:27

Christ IN me. Not Christ with me, not Christ and me. I have no part achieving the hope of glory. It is Christ alone IN me. So, with no shame and no condemnation, I will no longer post my journal through tinted glasses. Thank you for all who keep me accountable. I would do my part to support and encourage one another.

And to you saints, let us stop sinning, and believing the lie that anything is better than Jesus.

English Exam

I received an exciting phone call this morning... I am requested to take an English exam next Monday morning.

Are you okay, Joel? Is this the same Joel that had to take the ELPE (English Language Proficiency Exam) in university 4 times before passing. :P Why would you be excited about an English exam?

It is because the request was made by the admissions office at Tyndale. YEAH!!! Does that mean I'm accepted? No. But it is a huge step forward.

PRAISE GOD!

When God Asks You To "Prove It"

"Feed my sheep."

The famous line when Jesus challenged Peter's love for the Lord (John 21:15-23).

How real is your love for the Lord? Do you mean it when you commit to be His disciple? Are you willing to bear the cost? Prove it.

Why am I say all this all of a sudden? Well, if you been keeping track of my journal, there was a lack of updates over the last few days. On Tuesday, I was once again overcame with a headache. A headache so severe that I was in bed all afternoon. I could not even lift my head up from my pillow. It was as though everything in my head was turned into mush. Constant pounding in the back of my head.

Tuesday night, I could not sleep. Wednesday morning, same headache. I began to think why I have such headaches. Then I remember what I said to the Lord on Saturday. I told the Lord that if I were to have something like cancer, I would praise the Lord. Praise the Lord to using me so that His glory be reveal through me. I repeated the same thing over and over agin on Sunday while we had our pre-study. "Quality of Life" means nothing while we are on earth, for we are not called to "enjoy" life, but to reflect His glory.

With that said, I remembered to praise the Lord, and began to see how the Lord can use me in through this minor pain. I should not even call this pain. What Jesus has suffered is pain. What I'm going through is just *discomfort* (Thanks Jenny for catching my spelling mistakes :P ). Just like the inconvience that Peter had to endure when Jesus asked him to prove His love for the Lord. So I realized my headache is just a way of God is asking me to prove my commitment.

To be like Job, or to be like his wife? Your choice.

Spring Rain

"We're ready to study GOD,
eager for God-knowledge.
As sure as dawn breaks,
so sure is his daily arrival.
He comes as rain comes,
as spring rain refreshing the ground."
~Hosea 6:3 (The Message)

Spring rain... such beautiful sounds, as the droplets splash against the window. Distant thunder rumbled overhead. Spring is finally in the air. I was home in the afternoon because mom was not feeling well today. So I sat in the kitchen and stared out into the backyard.

Stared and pondered...

I have had writer's cramp all week. Thoughts filled my mind, but I could not put it down on paper. Weaknesses overcame me, but God was merciful. God was faithful. Like the spring rain, he pours His blessings upon us.

An awkward dream came to me last night. I usually do not remember my dream, but this one I remember vividly. In my dream, I was sentenced to be crucified. To be crucified because the world hated me. Everyone around me knew there was nothing they could do to alter the decision. The thought of nails, piercing through my hands freighted me. The date of the crucifixion was set. All I could do was to wait for the appointed time. But did I wait quietly? NO! I called all my non-believer friends, to share God's love with them while I still had the chance. I called Alan, to once again invite him to our church. I called the members of my Home Group, to ensure they had transportation to the program on Friday (even though I knew I would be no longer around to join them in the program too). I made sure I tied up all the loose ends. Then, the time came of my crucifixion arrived. And for some reason, it was postponed. Off I go calling people and sharing God's good news as if there was no tomorrow (well, to me, there IS no tomorrow). Then once again, at the appointed time, I arrive to face my fate. And once again, the crucifixion was postponed.

At the moment, I woke up...

At once, I knew God was talking to me. Within the last month, I have had two dreams where I had a short period of time I have left to live. And what should I do?

Our lives should be lived out as I did in my dream last night. We deserved to be crucified. But by God's grace, through Jesus' love for us on the cross, He took our place at the crucifixion. But, we tend to take that for granted. And there are no urgency in our life. What if, God told you that it's time to come home. Can you say you have run the good race?

The time to live out the great commission is now. God does not care what we will do for Him tomorrow. All He cares about is what we can do for Him NOW.

Well Rested

Well rested, and ready to continue "normal day life".

Normal day life of work? The normal routine of juggling church, family, work, friends, personal time? No. In the mist of the busyness over the last two weeks, I learn that's not the purpose of life. Yes, all these things are aspects in life, but not the main focus. At the end of the day, God is not interested in how involve you are with church, how close you are with your family, how hard you worked at the office, how many friends you have, or even how "spiritual" you are. Our life is for one purpose, and that "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." (John 4:34)

And what is His will? To serve in ministry? Yes, but also no. One could be serving for the sake of serving. One could be preaching because he like to preach. But that's not the reason why we should serve.

"You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
~Mark 12:32-33

We should serve because we care about the people.

"The Good Shepherd puts the sheep before himself."
~John 10:11 (THE MESSAGE)

We are called not only to serve, but to serve people. So now that I'm well rested, time to care about those around me, and serve them.

Lost and Found... All in God's Plans

What an interesting experience today. After helping Cherry, Janet and the rest of AFC staff clean up after TC, we ended at 2:00am this morning. And Albert realized he lost his wallet. He was pretty bummed out so we made plans to return to Young Nak early this morning to see if we can find it.

We planned to leave for Young Nak at 10am, but because of problems in uploading my TC pictures online, I did not leave my house until 10:20, and arriving at Young Nak at 10:35. When we arrive, we saw Cherry in the parking lot. She was waiting for the truck to arrive to return the rental A/V equipment. We we when inside together to look for Albert's wallet. And as soon as we stepped into Young Nak and into Al's team room, we found the wallet.

Praise the Lord.

Now since we are here, Al and I help loaded the equipment into the truck and returned the equipment together. God's timing is so funny. If Albert did not lose his wallet, we would not have returned to Young Nak. If I did not have computer problems in the morning, we would have arrived at Young Nak early and missed Cherry. And it would have the tough for the 3 guys to move all the equipment.

God has His plans in everything. And His plans is always perfect.

TC 2005 Coaching, Part 4

And it's finished. 2 weeks for Teen's Conference. 4 days. A bruised knee, a bad back, a cracking voice, but a renewed spirit.

Of the 4 days, plus two nights of prayer meetings, I must say this was the best day. It was the best day because God used so many people to speak to me.

In the morning, after our coach's prayer meeting, I ended up in the coach's coffee room chatting with Pastor Hoang Ho. I had to admit I skipped the morning message, but I've learn so much from Hoang. He gave be an insight on what being a pastor is like, and also a glimce into the culture and mentality of today's teens. But most importantly, the meaning of full-time ministry. I cannot describle how valuable this imformation is to me. Now I am even more excited for my studies at seminary and for God's purpose in my life.

After the chat with Hoang, I sat down with Peter Lau and had a time of catching up. I have not had the opportunity to have a good chat with Peter since I was serving in the planning commitee myself... that was at least 8 years ago. TC 1997. I still remember that all-nighter I pulled with Peter, rushing to get the handbook to the printers two days before TC, and the time I had to run out during TC to do grocries at Knob Hill Farm because we ran out of food at TC. Hahah... such memories. I told Peter about my calling into seminary, and boy, he was excited. I shared with me his experience in serminary and the workload I should prepare for. He also shared with me the year after I entered university, he had to step down as the co-ordinator of TC because of his workload in Tyndale, that when Cherry became the co-ordinator. We had a time of sharing and praying, and I could not hold back my tears.

After the two conversations, I was already tried and drained. Good thing that Diane and I found each other just before lunch time and we had a time to pray for the team and work on our game plan for the day.

I must admit, I can feel the team was quite tired from the day before. Many first time at TC, and I guess it is hard to keep up the energy level. But I think I did noitced was the teamwork and how the team gelled from yesterday. I guess it is an advantage of having a smaller size team, where everyone gets to know each other really well really fast. Through out the day, I had the opportunity to chat with a few of the teens and get to know them better. And also I had the chance to share the struggles in my Christian walk during our Group Study time. But I guess what got the team excited was when we dressed each other up in newspaper. And I didn't know why I agreed to Daniel and Joe's idea of dress me up in a newspaper bikini... but everyone had a good laugh and got our spirits up.

I gotta give it to Joe and Daniel. They were awesome as captains. And I can sense much potential with many member of the team, that God can use them greatly in His work. The must exciting thing was we have one person on the team accept salvation for the very first time. And to see many teen willing to take on the task to me light of the world, brought tears to my eyes. Lord, I pray that you will remind these your people of their commitment to you, and give them the strength to stand firm when tough times come.

The day did not end without some sort of attacks from Satan. Before the final worship session, one of the praise leader's voice suddenly became all hella wacked... so a bunch of us coaches had a emergence prayer huddle during worship. By God's grace, His protection was over all of us.

So tired... but statisfy and lifted up. Home by 2:00am after cleaning up and shipping everything back to AFC. Of course, we ate with the AFC staff too.

Photos:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2129140506

TC 2005 Coaching, Part 3

Oh, my old bones cannot take much more beatings. If it's not for God, I would not know where would I find strength.

Knee bruised, head pounding... I feel like I'm going to fall apart. I vow to never again be on the bottom of a 20 teens pile up... but as a coach, I guess I got to take one for the team. I just never thought I'll risk losing my life as a coach.

But as a coach, I'm a lot more comfortable this time around. I guess with experience, I know my role on the team. My role is to make ballon animals and bribe the Rec Leaders. :) But seriously, I now know my priorities and how I can connect with the teens throughout the day.

Also I learning a lot about leading Bible Studyings in creative ways.

One more day... Lord give me strength.

Photos:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2129140506

Come to Him, Covering Face, Covering Feet

Once again, I'm away at TC on Monday and Tuesday. Sorry for the lack of posting last week. I'll update as soon as I recover from the screaming and yelling. Please pray for me old bones to keep up with the energy of the young ones.

In His Serivce,
Joel

Scriptures Coming ALIVE!

Today a group of us went to see a stage production of the Gospel of John stage production. I was done by actor Brad Sherrill who memorized the whole NIV text of the Gospel of John and recited it with actions. It was quite an experience. As Brad was recited the lines, I cannot help but to mumble under my breathe the familiar passages. It reminds me how important it is to memorize the Scriptures.

Also, seeing the exact Scriptures being acted out, it was awesome to see the Scriptures come alive in a way I did not perviously imagine. It was amazing how differently God spoke to me through the Scriptures.

What hit me the most was one theme throughout the Gospel of John. Food. Yummy!!! You all know I love food. But what blew me away was the food we should seek.

"“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. Do you not say, ‘Four months more and then the harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the reaper draws his wages, even now he harvests the crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.”"
~John 4:34-37

"Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval."
~John 6:27

We are call to work not for food that will spoil... but for food that the Father is approved of, which is to do God's will and finish His work.

http://www.gospelofjohn.com/

One Thing

"Single minded, whole hearted, one thing I ask
That I may gaze upon Your beauty Oh Lord
That I may seek Your Holy Face
That I may know You in an intimate way
And follow after You all of my days

CHORUS:
All of life comes down to just one thing
and that's to know You oh Jesus and make You known"
~One Thing - Charlie Hall

This is a song I learn in TC this week. What a beautiful song, esp in the chorus. It opened my eyes. Only one thing matters in life: All of life comes down to just one thing and that's to know You oh Jesus and make You known.

Our whole purpose in life is to know Jesus and spread His love. How simple is that? And that's the only one thing we need to worry about.

TC 2005 Coaching, Part 2

I am so proud of my team. I have never seen a team completely turn around in one day. If there was a most improved team award, I'm sure we would have won that one. They were screaming and cheering, not only for our team, but for the other teams too. I am so proud of them.

The secret... a Group Study the involves teamwork, and LOTS of candy. Plus a coach rally speech that involved promising I will pour every ounce of energy into the team, scream, yelling and dancing with them.

I result... I'm so tired. Every joint in my body screams out in pain. I have never been this exhausted before in my life. But why would I want to put my body through all this, for the love of these kids, and for the love of the cross.

Photos:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2129125435

5 days of rest, and time to do it all over again. I cannot wait.

TC 2005 Coaching, Part 1

Oh boy, I really feel I'm getting old. Team Hosea. Vivian and Karen is so full of energy, I can barely keep up with them. And what a large team. 30 grade 8 & 9, 2 captains, 1 coach. And no name tags this year, but rather, wrist bands with their names.

"Err... excuse me, can I see your wrist? Ahhh... yes, Jon. How are you?"

HAhah... what a day. Vivan and Karen are going a great job as captains, there are still things for them to learn especially in leading Bible Studies and leading the team. But given it's their first time, they are doing a great job. And wow, what a testimony Vivian has... she totally blew me away. God is so amazing in her life! Hearing Vivian's and Charmaine's testimonies make me realized my suffering is so trivial. I have my family, I still have everyone close to me. But to them, even the foundation for the very thing I take for granted is shaken. What else can I do but to praise God for His blessings. If God is so gracious to them, why do I worry about my little problems?

Silly Joel.

Pastor Hoang Ho is such a dynamic speaker. I guess you have to be to keep today's teens interested and focus. I learn so much from his preaching style, how he splits the congregation up into individual groups and hit his point home with each group.

Day 2 tomorrow. I'm planning to challenge to decisions the teens made tonight. It's not about hype and rar rar, not about "it's cool to sign my name onto the cross", but about bearing the cross.

Time to think of a way to challenge the teens, and to help Vivian and Karen lift the team spirits up.

Photos:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2129125435

A Day Devoted to God

What a day. Only hours away from TC: screaming high school kids, jumping around, ready to tear apart the church. But today, complete set aside for God.

I have not complete set a day aside for God for a long time. I would always think about work, or think about myself. But today, since morning, I got to church really early to setup. Then after church, I dropped into the Spring Camp planning meeting and then I had a 4 hour long praise team practice. I never knew the experience in serving in the Chinese praise can be so rewarding. I've learn so much.

Then, Alice and I hurried to RHCCC for the TC prayer meeting. Throughout the prayer meeting, I had one thought. Why did God chose to use me? I'm a sinner, who failed Him many many times, inresponsible to His calling, turned my back on Him again and again... yet, He still calls me. What a merciful God!!! During the prayer meeting, I had not had the chance to sing at the top of my lungs, and dance in praises, without worry about wish people think. Total focus on God.

What a joy is to have a day totally devoted to God.

Excited About Service

I remember I use to wondered when I watch the 722 webcasts is why is that Louie Giglio is always so excited at service.

Last night, I began to understand. For some reason, I am also getting ready excited to go to church today. Not just excited for the Good Friday program. Not just excited to develope a program for the Urban Mission Week. Of course I'm excited for the special programs, but I am not also excited for every week Sunday Service.

Maybe it is because over the last few weeks we spend countless effort into tweaking and repackage the service to cater to the needs of the congregation. Why put so much effort? Because it is a place of worship, and we want to create an environment where we can worship with all our hearts.

Went I serve in the Children Worship, I see some of the kids dread going to church on Sunday...We'll have to help them realize the worship God is the best thing we can do.

Curse God and Die?

'His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!"'
~Job 2:9

If it was two year ago, I would have listen to Job's wife and denounced my faith. Why do I say such harsh words? Through recent events, I know my faith in Him has grown. I now truly believe what Paul said to the Corinthians:

"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it."
~1 Corinthians 10:13 (The Message)

Over the last two years, God has been building my character, and my faith in Him and my "limit" has increased. So that's why these tests are set before me, for I know that God will never let me down, and He will always be there to help me come through it.

It is funny how God placed a test in front of me, when in the last of yesterday's reflections, I thought I had things figured out. How foolish I am for not being humbled? I am still waiting for God's revelation on the lesson I am intended to learn through yesterday's events, but I know that this lesson is good.

So what happened?

Yesterday, I felt lifted up. I felt a sense of assurance and directional after His lesson on fishing on the wrong side of the boat. Me financial burdens were temporary resolved, I had new exciting direction and ideas for church programs, and most importantly, I had a heart full of praise.

On my way home from the office, snow began to fall. The roads turned into the worst driving conditions I have ever driven on. The usual 15 min drive turned into 45 min crawl. When I was only 3 blocks away from home, on a red light I applied my brakes, it felt that as if my car was not equipped with brakes at all. The car just would not stop. So from that moment, I started driving very cautiously. I did not drive beyond 20km/hr, with plenty of space between the car in front of me.

I drove for another 2 blocks, past 7 accidents. In my head, all I thought about was "Thank God for ABS." I was planning to come home and write about how God protected me on the roads. Because I was truely scared on the roads yesterday.

So 1 block away from home, crawling toward home, 2 cars in front of me was involved in an accident. The car in front me immediately applied his brakes and began to swivel, but somehow managed to stop before hitting the car in front. I too applied my brakes and no response. Will plenty of room to glide I was praying for a patch of road with enough traction to slow me down. But that patch of road never came, and I glided for about 4 seconds before I knew a collision was inevitable so I straighten my car and braces for a collision as flush with his bumper as possible.

As soon as I collide with the car in front, I was calm knowing that the only thing I could have done to avoid this collision was to stay home and not go to work. So I immediately ask God what He wanted to teach me, calmly before checking for damages I ran to the drive to ensure he as okay. All in all, there was no damage to my car. However, the bumper of the car in front was knocked off the hinch and misaligned.

So God, what do You want me to learn from this lesson? To curse You and die? Never.

"He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"
In all this, Job did not sin in what he said."
~Job 2:10

God, yes, fill my nets with fish. But also bring on the storms that will rock my boat. I know You will never let me down; You will never let me be pushed past my limit; You will always be there to help me come through it.

Fishing on the Wrong Side of the Boat

After thinking back to the conversation I had with Alice over lunch on Tuesday, "why can we not just drop everything and follow the Lord like what Peter, Andrew, James and John did?" I want to drop everything, Lord, why don't you let me?

Looking back at the Bible story, I realized I miss a very critical point. Let revisiting the story together:

" 4When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”

5Simon answered, “Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

6When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

8When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” 9For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partners.

Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men.” 11So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him. "
~Luke 5:4-11

One of the worries I have is how am I going to save up enough for seminary this Fall? To be honest, I'm not doing that well at work. I'm barely making ends meet, still struggling month to month. But I know God place me in this career for a reason. Though I want to leave everything behind and follow Him, I know there's a lesson I need to learn. And maybe this lesson lies in the Luke 5. Before Peter, Andrew, James and John left everything and followed Him, they had to obey Jesus. They gave up from a night of fishing, already called it quits. However, when Jesus, who was a stranger to them at this point, ask them to do something "ridiculous", they did not question but obeyed.

"Go back on to the lake and cast my net on the other side of the boat, yeah, right, like that will make a difference?!?" I would have replied.

But to the four of them, no questions asked, just obedience. And guess what, they were blessed with two boat load of fish. But then, look what they did? Left everything and followed Him. Notice the word, everything. Everything. Even the boat full of fish they just caught. They did not leave everything when they didn't have anything. They left everything when they had EVERYTHING.

Insight and Application.

God have promised me that he will provide. I'm just fishing on the wrong side of the boat... and when I eventually obey and fish on the other side of the boat, and pull up a boat load of fish, will I able to then say I'm willing to left everything behind. Anyone can leave everything behind when they have nothing... but not everyone can leave everything behind when they are weighted down with worldly treasures.

That's the lesson I need to learn.

Lord, fill my boat with fish, but then, give me the strength and wisdom to turn my back on the is boat load of fish and follow you.

Headache

Please pray for me. Over the last week, I've been having a headache. On last Sat, Mon and Thursday morning, the headache was so severe that it was a struggle just to get out of bed. My devotional time is effected, my Bible and book reading is affected for I could not concentrate on what I am reading.

In the evening, I have very peaceful sleep... however, the headache begins as soon at I open my eyes.

Last night, the only time I didn't feel the effects of my headache was when I was having Praise Team practice. I guess worship heals everything.

Please pray for me. Teen's Conference is quickly approaching (Next Mon), and I'll need all my strength and energy to counselor the high schoolers.

What's in a Name?

Last night, I had the opportunity to call upon several of us in the English congregation, and over MSN, we toss out ideas and brainstormed on the 'identity' and renaming of out Friday night program.

What a long and draining process. We wanted to rename our program for a few months already, to give istsome personality and identity. However, every few discussion actually occured until I pulled several of us aside on MSN.

Why is it so hard to pick a name for our program? Because the name will reflect our program. It's our identity, our style, our mission, our personality, our focus and desire. A name the protrait our youthfullness, our desire for God and our unity as a community on Christ.

A name is who we are. That's why so much work is require to pick the name.

Understanding Pain

I want to focus. I want to serve Him. I want to work hard... but where the rubber meets the road, there's no traction.

"For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak!"
~Matt 26:41b

The body is weak! The body is afraid of the pain. Our mind wants to grow, but the body flees from the trials and pain needed of such growth. In order to grow, we need to be willing to endure these pains.

How?

By God's promise. He is shaping our lives and our characters, into someone who He intended us to me. In His image, in His likeness. And of course the promise to spend eternity with Him. What's a greater promise than that?

So, are we willing to endure this temporary pain for the promise of something great. Think about that next time when you walk through the valleys of life.

The Nudge From God

Yesterday, I was helping out at the children homegroup. Just Theresa and I, with 7 kids, and no other adults in the house, the experience was not as painful as I imagined. The reason why I was helping out with the children homegroup was because I received a nudge from God to discipline my service for Him, and to get to know the little ones more.

I actually enjoyed working with the kids yesterday, outside of the church setting, chasing the kids around to house, picking them up can carrying them back into the family room where we had our activities. One common error in our attitude I made as I served the kids is that I take it as a "chore". Serving the little one is a form of worship to the Lord. If it was not for Auntie Annie, Uncle Hoytson, Uncle Howard and Felix as counselors when I was a kid, surely I would have turned out a different person. Thank you for Your guidance, Lord.

Worship the Lord in everything we do.

Connecting with Today's Youths- Pointing Their Thoughts Upwards

Tonight, I had a really good discuss with Frederick, formulating ways to reach the youths of today. Over the pass week, we have been exploring on ways to push the envelope of the church's motto "High tech, high touch". How can we use the very medium the youths use to connect with each other, the internet, and minister to them on their own turf?

We boiled it down to two channels: MSN and blogs.

MSN, a tool our caring network is already using extensively to connect with the other members of the congregation. A medium to speak to the youth in their own language.

Blog, a channel I began to explore about a year ago. A ministry God has given me where a network of brothers sisters can share God's work in our lives. I only began to understand the popularity of this communication medium. In my journal, maybe it allows other to have a glimpse of my life and my mind, very much like the reality TV shows, but I realized this channel allow many youth voice out what's on their minds. Speaking with Frederick, we realized by tying these blogs together through the church website, we can collectively encourage the youth to focus their thoughts upwards. In writing a blog, one calms down and reflect on daily life. If we can provide some guidance at this moment, we can point these thoughts upward and reflect on God.

Underestimating God's Work

After some thoughts, I began to learn the lesson God has in front of me. After leading Bible Studies and worship since I was grade 9, these tasks are beginning to become "rountine" to me. I thought I'm seen it all, and can handle any situation... hence, my weakness. Why did the thought of throwing in the white towel creeped into my mind last night? I actually wanted to quit what God has called me to do, to lead my Life Transformation Group through this season of Bible Studies. I wanted to blame the material. But the truth is I underestimated the importance of God's work.

I'm sorry, Lord. I tried to blame if on my inability to switch gear between different age groups. However, the real problem was me not taking God's work seriously. Ove the past two months I have spend large amount of time preparing for the English and Children Service sermons, becuase it's something new, something fresh. Yeah, I must admit I've only did a half-hearted effort on the Bible Study preparation.

Lord, I apologized for my weakness that resulted in the stunned growth on the members of my LT group. After the worship team meeting last night, I too realized that I've been taking my service at worship for granted.

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
~Joshua 24:15b

"He gave them these orders: "You must serve faithfully and wholeheartedly in the fear of the LORD."
~2 Chr19:9

"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men,"
~Eph 6:7

In Fear of Losing the Younger Ones

Lord, for some reason, I have a fear of losing the younger ones in this new season of Bible Study of Exodus. Tonight, we could not connect with the teens. Was the material too "intellectural"? I could not put my finger on it. Help me, Lord.

Near panicked, I counsulted with Thereasa, Rebecca and Wynne. How can we connect with the teen. Follow the study plan by the book like what I did tonight? Lord, I know what I must do. I cannot treat this lightly. I must do more work in preparation of the Bible Study, I believe even more time required than the children worship sermons.

This must be a lesson God trying to teach me in preparation for next week's support grounp for the High School boys.

Everyday is a Battle

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."
~Eph 6:10-19

Weird. I actually typed this up yesterday... but for some reason, only the Bible verse was saved. I know there is a reason for this, that this is topic is worth another session of reflection.

Everyday is a Battle. Everybody has their own battles to face. Every waking moment, Satan is attacking me with earthly temptations. The desire of earthly things, earthly relationships, earthly desires. He is using every trick, every method in attempt to distract my focus on God. On occasions, with the strength given by the Lord, we are triumphant. But sadly, I will fall to his temptations at times. The enjoyment of these earthly desires are short lived. As soon as I hear the footsteps of God, I run away hiding in shame.

Yet, how silly of me? Fleeing at the sound of the footsteps of God. God is standing by me all along, watching my every actions. This reminds me of a chinese proverb. 掩耳盗铃 Literally it means, covering own ear while stealing a bell. What can we hide from our omnipotent, omnipresence Father?

Still, there are other times, I fall into temptations in my thoughts. To one extreme, I would be shame of the thoughts I have in my dreams in the depths of my sleep. One may ask how are you responsible for you thoughts in your unconscious state? Of course I am responsible. If it is not the unhealthy information I'm feed my mind and my body in my waking hours, then I would not have these thoughts in my unconsciousness.

So Joel, beware, every moment, everyday, there is a heavenly battle. I must be ready, equipped with the armour of God, and be prepare to defend this temple of God. However, can I stand up to Satan's temptation on my own, NO. My strength comes from our Heavenly Father.

The question is, how do we harness this strength from God? I have tried to remind myself over and over again to stand firm, yet I will still fall. So my focus cannot be on the battle to win the battle. Yes, I must be aware of the battle, but my focus should be on the love of our Father.

The love of our Father. A love the runs so deep that even though He loved His Son and is fully pleased with Him, He still send His Son to earth, to walk on Via Dolorosa, humiliated and died on the cross for our sins. He loved me so much that He came up to me, picked me out of the gutter and asked me to marry Him. He loved we so much that even though I took all He has given me and ran off into the world, we waited for me with a ring and feast.

On my finger, is that ring God has given me. When the fruits of the earth passes in front of me, how can I be so unfaithful and chase after the fruits of the earth. Joel. Compared to the fruits of heaven, these fruits of the earth are bitter and rotten. Joel, stop being 花心, stop longing for the things of this earth. By focus on God's love and the pain He suffering to save me, I am prepared for this battle.

Pain: Bring It!

Cannot sleep... pain... my heart is troubled... worry... uncertainty... fear...

Am I suppose to feel this way? If I truly have the heart of a child, can I just run to Daddy, jump into His embrace and cry out my sorrows? Lord, let me jump into Your arms, I want to cry. I know you are building my character, Lord, what do you want me to learn? Human logic will tell me I have reach a dead end - dead end, but all I hear it Your voice calling out to me. "Trust me!"

Lord, I'm on my knees, tears stream down my face, yet, I reach my hand into the heavens for You. Lift me up, Lord. I'm broken, as you intented. There's nothing I can do what will save me. But in You, Lord, Your glory will be shown.

"And there are times when God, knowing that, allows us to endure the pain for the sake of the song."
~Max Lucado

Your song. Therefore, Lord, BRING IT! Bring on the pain. If it is my character You want to build, then my character I offer You.

Down The Road Uncertain

And interest chain of thought flowed through my mind as I was chatting with a brother late last night. At times, traveling down the journal of life, we are "forced" to take an uncertain path with no alternatives. Then one might argue, where's our free will? Joel, you keep saying that through God you know the beginning and the end of our lives, are our lives predestined?

No. Not predestined. Yet, we have the peace to know the destination and our life is the story God is going to write. I believe the free will comes in the form of whether or not you are going to let God write your story. When we are "force" to travel down an uncertain path, with no alternatives in sight, there's always the choice of Jonah and be irresponsible and run off. However, we too can accept this path this uncertain path. It could be a painful road but God had promised that if we follow His will, for certain He is at our side walking this path also.

With this peace, how come is still so painful? Is it because of our lack of faith? Maybe. But also because we are only human.

"I am only human
Struggling to find
Confidence in all that I believe
You are only holy
You are love defined
And you have said to ask and I'll receive

So I have come to pray
That you will come and fill
The hunger here inside me to grow
Stronger in the faith
There’s a longing and a need
To have you ever closer
Come fill me

(CHORUS)
Cause when you move in me
It's like a symphony
The timeless melody
That soothes my soul
Though silent I can tell
That you're alive and well
Cause I can feel you move
In me

What they try to tell me
Is that your love is false
And faith is just a way
I choose to feel
And that there was no meaning
To you upon the cross
And I should reach for something that is real
And when those words are said
The questions in me start
And I don't have any answers
Until I stop thinking with my head
And start listening to my heart
And there I find my assurance
I tell them"
~Move In Me by Michael W. Smith

The problem with being human, especially a technical person like myself, is that we think too much. Yes, God gave us a brain to think, but was the creation and the design of the brain mentioned in the Bible? No. Yet, the design and creation of one aspect of our "humanness" that was mentioned in the Bible was our soul.

"the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being."
~Genesis 2:7

Our soul, the breath of God, is our antenna to tune us into God's wavelength. But we tend to crowd God's signals with our own thoughts and noise. And "Until I stop thinking with my head and start listening to my heart, there I find my assurance". And as we travel down an uncertain path... open our hearts, and listen (not think, not speak), listen, to God's guidance.

Snow, Snow, and Snow

Finally in the office... that was after spending 90 minutes shoveling since 7:30am. 10cm of snow came overnight. However, I didn't really mind the shoveling. I needed the exercise and I had fun pushing snow around with dad.

Not many people in the office today due to bad road conditions. However I did have a good conversation with John over MSN. John was frustrated with one of his team this morning. He said that people make him angry. He's trying to be nice to this team but they are blind. It's frustrating John that he's going all that he can to help but they still don't trust him.

As I was listening to John, I realized his situation is pale in comparison to God's. I am reminded of Derek Webb's song, Wedding Dress. Derek was previously a member of the band Caedmons Call. I must apologize in advance for the language in the lyrics I am about to post, but it paints a true picture of how we treat God when we turn away from Him after all He has done for us.

"If you could love me as a wife
And for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I'll ever need
Or is there more I'm looking for

And should I read between the lines
And look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want

(chorus)
I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
And I run down the aisle
I'm a prodigal with no way home
But I put you on just like a ring of gold
And I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
Though I don't trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
And with the other in your side
I am so easily satisfied
By the call of lovers less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

(chorus)

Because money cannot buy
A husband's jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife"
~Wedding Dress by Derek Webb

I won't blame God if He gets frustrated with us. "Though I don't trust you to provide, with one hand in a pot of gold and with the other in your side." We are so unfaithful. But, yet, He gives us second chances after second chances. God, somehow you can use me to let John knows how You feel too... How we are blinded by sin. How you gave Your very own flesh and blood, yet we still chose the things of this world. Sorry, Father.