Sleeping with porcupines and snakes

I'm home from my solo backpacking trip to the Bruce Peninsula, a day early. I was blessed with beautiful warm weather, and a nice cool Lake Huron to swim in. When I arrived at the trailhead, I decided to treat this trip as a silent retreat - to not say a word for two days and just listen to what God has to say. It was actually refreshing to not hear my own voice. :P

But what I didn't expect was what I heard from God. As soon as I hit the trail, memories flooded my mind. The last time I was in Bruce Penincula was with Don on Easter Weekend 2 years ago. (http://joeltang.blogspot.com/2004_04_01_joeltang_archive.html) God told me to lay down my burdens by his feet - the broken relationships, the career failures. And since then, what a journey it has been since 2003. The Lord lifted me out of the murky clay, and put me on solid rock.

And this time around, the same message - To lay down my current burdens by His feet. Oh thank You, Lord, for giving me the opportunity to "shut up" and just listen to You.

Other then listening to the Word of God, it was an awesome weekend. I was in for a surprise on the first night. The night sky was beautiful, but all of a sudden I was blessed by a fireworks display from Wiarton. An almost full moon and fireworks, what else can I ask for? In the warm evening, sleep under an open tarp, I awoke at 2am to the sound of a pair of animal running around my shelter. It was making "whoop whoop" sounds. I tried to ignore the sound fearing that it was a pair of skunks and not wanting to spook it. But after 5 minutes of constant "whoop whoop" and running round, my curiosity over came me. I put on my glasses and pointed a light in the direction of the sound, I saw a pair of porcupines 2 meters from my face. In the end, they ran away and I can sleep again peacefully.

The surprise of the trip was in the morning when I has about to step on the trail to begin my day. I took my first step on the trail, and all of a sudden, I heard the frightening sound of "rat tad tad tad". I froze, hiking poles up in self-defense, and frantically search the ground for the source of the sound. A meter from my right foot was a 4 feet long mississauga rattlesnake, the only poisonous snake in Ontario. As quickly as the fear built up in my heart, it dissipated when it dawned on me that it was only 8:30 in the morning and the snake was stretched out in the sun to heat up. Praise God the snake was not in its coiled up attack position.

I spend lunch time at Cape Chin soaking up the sun and splashed in Lake Huron. I decided to head home a day early when I felt I heard what God wanted to tell me and when I already covered 20km in one day.

The final surprise came when I was packing up. When I picked up my backpack a snake jumped out of my pack and fled into the wood.

Thank God for the awesome quiet time.

Laughing is good for the heart

Angie and I drive up to Casio Rama to watch improv comic Wayne Brady last night. By laughing it off, what a better way to melt all you stress away. We loved Wayne when he was on Whose Line Is It Anyway? And he was even better live. The improve singing was awesome. My favorite of the night was a kid song on "A Cat name Ruckus", and his Ozzy Osborne song on "The song that does not start" was very creative. I haven't laugh so much for a long time, was laughing for most of the two hours.

To futher relief stress, after Sunday Service I'm heading out on a backpacking trip. I'm excited bout this solo trip... just me and God's creation. I should write down my plan just in case of emergency. After service, I'll drive to Bruce Peninsula, parking at Forty Hill Road. A short 5 km hike to Reed's Dump ORA (Overnight Rest Area). Monday, the objective it to hike north from Reed's Dump to Devil's Monument. It is a long hike, depending on what shape I'm in I might turn back early. I'll be spending the night at Reed's Dump again. Tuesday, hike south along the White Bluff, and head home by the afternoon.

I'm excited. The weather will be gorgous.

	SUN AUG 6	MON AUG 7	TUE AUG 8
HIGH	22°C	23°C	21°C
LOW	20°C	21°C	15°C
CONDITION	Cloudy periods	Mainly sunny	Mainly sunny
P.O.P.	10%	10%	10%
WIND	S 15 km/h	W 25 km/h	N 20 km/h

Why is August flying by so fast?

It's only the 3rd of August, but it feels like the month is almost over.

The past three days has been filled with meetings and counseling.  I thought this was suppose to be my rest week after 3 sermons, 7 softball games, a trip to the hospital, and a week of Philippians Bible Study, all in the span of 3 weeks since I came back from my trip.  Yet, the pressures I faced and the lessons I learned over the past few days were indescribable.  Praise God for teaching me these lessons.

And looking ahead this month, short week next week, children arts and sports camp the week after, another week of Philippians and Univ/YC wild camp... before I know it, the month will be over and I'll be throw in the mist of the Seminary retreat and the new school term.  It really hit home after spend $215 of textbooks yesterday.

But I'm not complaining about how time is flying by.  "Do everything without complaining or arguing" (Phil 2:14).  And the faster time flies, the faster December will arrive.  :)

Growing Responsibilities

Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I was truly scared.  More scared than the time the black bear standing only 50m away and we looked eye to eye, or when I stared at the rising column of thunder cloud as we were stuck on a canoe on a rapid.  I know to a certain extent the feelings this individual in going through - the betrayal and the hollowness.  For I had the same experience only three years ago... and somehow, I lived.  God picked up the pieces of me and I managed.  Hold dear in your heart that Christ loves you

Yet, who am I to compare my experience with yours when God's heart is broken every single day by our sinfulness.  He truly understands how you feel for he walk on this earth, tasted first hand the pains and sorrows.  He will carry you through.

Also, thank you for reminding me that with blessings come responsibilities.  I am now part of Jenny's testimony to her family.  In my relationship with her I must too live out the love of Christ, so that my actions and witness will bring glory to God, and His love to Jenny's family.

Thank God the a day of rest

Monday is a pastor's Sabbath.  I thank God every minute of Sabbath.

I just had one of the most intense weekend I can remember.  Friday night: preach on worship.  Saturday: coach a softball game, take part in VBS leaders training, and R&R at Genuine's house for our Birthday.  Sunday: preach, setup church for special evening program, coach another softball game, then take care of kids in the evening.

At first, I didn't think it would difficult.  Sunday's sermon prepared by Tuesday, Friday's message was ready by Thursday.  Movie and popcorn for the kids.  Lineups for the softball games are good to go.  The only thing to worry about is how I should relax with the guys at Genuine's place.  

That was the plan until Saturday afternoon, top of the 2nd inning in the softball game.  No outs.  I played Catherine in Left Rover, a position usually played by Clara or Sun-Ching but Clara was not dressed for the game.  A routine fly ball right to Catherine, however the ball slipped underneath her glove and hit her in the face with a horrible CRACK!  When I saw the blood gush out of her mouth and nose we rushed out of the dugout.  I was praying under my breath that nothing was broken.  However my worst fears was confirmed when we realized she lost her two front teeth.  

I drove Catherine and Chris to the hospital.  Thank God Chris was there.  I could not imagine the shock that is going on in her mind, but at least the comfort of her boyfriend was there.  I saw her entered the operating room, and I had to leave for church.  Later I learn that she was in surgery for 4 hours.  And the team was pretty shaken by the incident.  Pray for Catherine.

Yesterday, even with the incident fresh on my mind, the sermon when pretty well.  I received many encouraging feedbacks from the congregation.  What caught me by surprise was when I broke into tears telling Eric Liddell's missionary story in China.  God is really putting China in my heart, I cannot denie it.  And I vowed in Vietnam that I would learn Mandarin before moving on to the next stage in my life.  

After the sermon, I was complete exhausted.  Thank God for the softball which some how re-energized me for the kids last night.  The kids were draining, especially play keep away with the soccer ball against 10 kids, but with the help of Olvie and Helena we made it through the night.  I'm also glad that Olvie and Helena was able to help, giving the university age helpers a much needed break.  And I cannot believe 20 kids demolished 9 bags of popcorn.

Today I look forward to this day of rest.  Good night.  :P

P.E.A.C.E Plan

P. E. A. C. E. Plan

P.E.A.C.E. Plan promo video

A new past

"God is involved in my life, and He will take care of me"
~Max Lucado, podcast "God's Supply"

That was exactly what I needed to hear today. After insights from yesterday's devos, I wanted to lose my excess baggages. The baggages that I have picked up in the past few years. Baggages that piled up during my defiant toward God before He picked up my life again. I want to look forward, and not being held back by chains and bondage. Maybe because God really want to nail this message home in my life, whenever I want to move ahead in my ministry and transition out of my pervious employment, something will come up and I would me bogged down with client's requests. Why God? This is like having all my energy sucked out of me. I want to serve You yet I am bogged down my my past.

Maybe this is a lesson is faith - trusting in the Lord while serving Him.

Satan's attacks has been furious. As my 28th birthday approaches in a few days, stupid thoughts enter my mind. I'd look at my friends and classmate and watch how they are moving ahead in their careers and in life. And when I look at myself, stuck in the obligations of the past, not moving forward in life by the standard of the world. Part of me, my sinful human nature, wants what my friends have. But I would ask myself, why do I want the things of this world?

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Rom 12:2)

I know and learn to accept that I will not be successful according to the standards of the world. Because of my faith I would face tribulations. And I must trust in God's plan for me.

So when I look back in my past few years, in my metamorphosis by the hands of the Lord, I should not see it as bad memories. Memories that put me in my current situation, financial state, and challenges I am facing. No, I need to see these memories as opportunities to learn. Lesson God need to teach me before He can entrust me with His plan.

Also without my pervious employment, I would still have social skills of a typical engineer, I would not have had the venue to develop my presentation (preaching) skills, and I would not have met Jenny.

Therefore, these are not bad memories. They a good memories, and seeing it with this attitude is like having a new past. And trust that God will take care of me because He is involved in my life.

"Get into deep fellowship with God so that you know his presence and reality. If you are building new memories, then you are literally building a "new past." Then a year from now, you can look back on your "past" year, and the good memories of community and spiritual
connection with God, and all of that goodness will overcome whatever you have experienced before. You will have built a new 'tree of life,' within your heart, and it will be made of the new memories you have built. Thank God for memory!"
~Dr. Henry Cloud

Are your memories bigger than your past?

A pretty productive day working on this Sunday's sermon. I am glad to say that it is almost ready. I begin to wonder, without the Holy Spirit, it will be just Joel babbling for 30 minutes - It must be a torture. Hah hah. Thank God for His Spirit, that the congregation actually come back week after week to hear the Word of God instead of the babbling of Joel.

Sometimes I feel selfish, whether I am preparing for sermons, Bible studies or worshops. I feel that of all the people in attendence, I am the one who get the most out of the message. :P I'll just have to trust the Spirit as He do His work in the heart of people.

Today while preparing for the sermon, this was how I felt. I remember learning a quote, forgetting who is the author now: "When your memories are bigger than your dreams, your life is over.” You can call me sentimental, but I often cling on to my memories. You can tell by the stuff underneath my bed and in my basement. Maybe it is the photographer in me to capture every moment. Yet God in His creation is so amazing that some of my most vivid memories are the ones I could not capture on film (i.e. when the black bear the wandering into my campsite or when I was trapped on the rapids with the column on thunder cloud rising behind me).

I have a habit of dwelling in my memories. But the Bible said that "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:13b-14) Memories are great, but sometime the past can weight us down. Whether they are something bad I did, something bad that has happend to me, or my past success. Forget what is behind. Just like what I said last week, don't let yesterday ruin your today. And straining toward what is ahead.

I does feel good after cleaning my room yesterday. I completely clean out under my bed and to boxes under my desk... tossed out 3 bags of garbage. The dozen of boxes in the basement beware, you are next.

In order to run God's race, I must learn to travel light. And the faster I can run, the faster I can get to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

PS: Well, I just gave away half of my sermon outline. Please come back Sunday if you want to hear to rest. :P

Word of God Speak

Word of God Speak
by Mercy Me
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

[CHORUS]

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay


Sometimes we say we cannot hear God, or we say He's not speaking. This is one of the most comment question I get from my congregation: "How do you know what God is saying?" Sometimes you cannot hear Him because you are talking. The last thing I need is to be heard / But to hear what You would say" In other times, God IS not speaking. Why is that? Because He knows you have heard Him in the first place, He's just waiting for you to take action and obey.

I realized this through my study of Abraham. As Abraham and Isaac are walking toward the region of Moriah, for three days God did not speak. What most have gone through Abraham's mind. Please God, speak. Tell me you will provide you own offering and I would not have to sacrifice by beloved son. It must have been the longest 3 days in Abraham's life... yet what did he do? He just kept on doing what God last told him to do. "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." (Gen 22:3)

When God does not speak, it does not mean He's not there. "To be still and know /That You're in this place / Please let me stay and rest / In Your holiness"He wants you to keep doing what He last told you to do. Obey.

Is this glorifying God?

It is funny how yesterday I asked God why I could formulate words for my letters and journals, all of a sudden I cannot stop writing today. And this is good because I have some time to kill between the Philippians Bible Study and Life Transformation Group tonight.

The Philippians Bible Study was awesome, maybe because I led it. :P But seriously, even though the attendence was not great (Mostly just Tam C. Mo, along with Darrin, Johanna, Gab, and Genuine), I learn a lot about joy, being content, and running the good race. It might be selfish for me to say I think I got the most out of the Bible Study, but good thing C. Mo and Darrin gave me very encouraging feedbacks too.

Well, hmmm... what was on my mind beside what wrote this morning on Legacy? When I talked to Candy when I came back from Asia and told her the news that I began my courtship with Jenny, Candy was so excited. But I told her that this is the beginning of a challenge because now we need to be total focused on God's will and not on our emotions. Plus we are again on the opposite ends of the country. Candy then said "Don't worry, you are in your honeymoon period."

The honeymoon period...

I began to ponder what that means. Yes, I know is the term people used to describe a period in a relationship where there no arguements and where the other is ALWAYS right. It is also a time where one sees the other is "perfect". It is bliss, a time when one thinks about the other all the time, a time when one "falls in love".

The question I have is "is this glorifying God?"

I am beginning to think the whole process of "falling in love" is not love at all.

"And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is"
~Life is Wonderful, by Jason Mraz

Love, in my limited understanding of it, is when you care about someone (or something) so much that will you sacrifice anything.

(NIV) 1 John 4:10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

During this "honeymoon period" when one falls in love, one sees the other as "perfect". But if you say she's perfert, you are depriving her of any chance to grow. Well then, I don't call that love, I call that over protective. Also when one thinks about the other all the time, even thinking more than about God, isn't that called idol worship?

When one is preventing another other to grow and worshipping an idol, that is definately not glorifying God.

"31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32Do not cause anyone to stumble"
~1 Cor. 10:31,32a

Do it all for the glory of God, and do not cause a sister/brother to stumble.

Dear fellow saints, please continue to encourage me to focus on Christ. Pray for Jenny and I in our courtship. I do not want to be in a "honeymoon period", I want to be challenged by God in this relationship so that I will grow in faith and in love.

Legacy

This is funny.  Ever since my sermon on Abraham last Sunday, I have heard 2 more sermons on Abraham.  Jokingly, I've been saying that God must have thought my sermon sucked, so this is HOW is should haven't been done.  Maybe.  Well, I know there is still a lot I have to learn, so it was helpful to hear other's preach on the same topic while my sermon is still fresh on my mind.

Or another reason is God has something very important I need to learn...

A question that echoed on my mind while I was in Hong Kong was "What sort of legacy do I want to leave?"  My first reaction was a quote I learned during the mission trip.

"Live so thatyou will be forgotten, and Christ will be remembered."
~Dixon Hoste

"What is my passion?"  God turns passion and vision into a legacy.

I want to see God's Word be proclaimed in the ends of the earth.  To do so my raising up a generation of young people to proclaim His Word.  Yet, God challenged me even further, along with a promise.  God is definately building my character to be fit for His plan.  Yet, what God said to my on Wednesday night was that I am only one servent, just like Abraham was only one person.  However, Abraham became the father of nations.  And he is MY father, my spiritual father.  And God is nudging me to follow Abraham example. 

I've always jokingly say that I want enough kids to field a soccer team, but now the soccer team does not excite me as much as a team of missionaries.  Just like how Abraham set an example for Isaac during his trial from God, I pray that God will begin to equip me to be a father that will encourage my future kids to carry God's Words to the end of the earth. 

That is the legacy I want to leave...

Things on my mind

I've got a bunch of things on my mind... yet I cannot put it on paper.  I've been staring at my letter pad and journal, but I could not find the words. 

Praise the Lord!!!  I'm lost for words.

I will eventually find the words. 

But what really hit me tonight was a show on the Discovery channel, a documentory on Chris Moon.  A captive of  the Khmer Rogue during the Killing Fields in Cambodia.  This documentory speaks in volume especially since my mission trip.  What will I do in a similar situation?  Will I able to say: "To live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Phil 1:21)?

Not done fighting yet

"I have come here to win the Tour and I am not done fighting yet."
~Floyd Landis


What a heart of a champion! Floyd Landis, after losing 8min and the yellow jersey, it looked any hope of winning the Tour was over (8 minutes behind with only 4 days to go). Yet he pulled out something special today. He made up 7'30 today, won the stage and climb back to 3rd in the overall standing.

I remembered two years ago when he was Lance Armstrong's teammate on team US Postal Service, he lead Lance for the whole 17th stage, he asked Lance for permission to race for a stage win. With the encouragement from Lance, he attacked.

I still remember what Lance said that day: " How bad do you wanna win a stage in the Tour de France?"

"Real bad" said Floyd.

"How fast can you go downhill"

"I go downhill real fast, can I do it?"

"Sure you can do it; run like you stole something, Floyd."

On Floyd's mind, all he thought of was the team and to help Lance win the Tour. On that day two years ago, Floyd did not win. Jan Urich chased him down and ended in one Lance's epic win in "No Gifts".

Now, today, he came to fight. He came to win.

*******

Will I let my yesterday ruin by present? Floyd didn't. He put yesterday behind him, and raced the good race.

(NIV) Phil 3:13b "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead"

(NIV)1 Cor 9:24"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

Run like you stole something. With the Gospel, the gift of God, in my hands, can I run like I stole something? Or am I looking back? Or am I worried about the dangers of the twisty road? With God as my guide, I'm sure I can "go downhill real fast" too. What is there to worry? Why let my past ruin my present. I want to run like I stole something.

Home, but not yet home

I've been home in Toronto for almost 2 weeks, but I was battle the flu and jetlag (not a good combination). I must be getting old, my body does not travel as well anymore. Or it is just my body is tired from the transformation God is working in my life over the past two months.

I'm home, in Toronto, but not yet 'home'.

NIV 1 Chronicles 28:9 "And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. 10 Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work."

I'm back home, in Toronto, with the commandment from God to build His temple - my body. To prepare the temple for the plans He has for me. Be strong and do the work.

I will update on the work God did in my life in to coming few days.

Mekong Trip

I'm in Hong Kong/Mekong right now... see http://joel-mekong.blogspot.com/ for updates.

Bright Lights, Spicy Night - Spring Banquet 2006

Time to celebrate the end of the first seminary term, and to take the torch as the treasurer of the 2006-07 Tyndale Seminary Students Council.

>>Click here for photos

Full Circle

Cry in my Heart
Starfield
There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?

For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head


It has been a while since I've posted, and boy, it had been an adventure. My first year of seminary is completed. There was it share of joy and tears, laughter and bitterness. But in the end, our God is Lord - and our God reigns!

The school term is done, now preparing my heart for the upcoming mission trip. Oh, God has blessed me so much for the trip, it will provide the details in an upcoming post. Also, I am now the elected treasurer for the 2006-07 Tyndale Seminary Student Council. It was during the student council retreat, the words "For I've been here before, But I know there's still more" rang true.

Standing in the basement of my cabin at Fair Glen, I broke into tears. Fair Glen, Gospel Church Joint Youth Camp, 1995. Speaker: Pastor Carl Strut. Because of his encouragement when I ran him in Vancouver in 2004, I am now at Tyndale. Memories flooded my mind. God's hand clearly at work in my life. I was just little less than 8 months ago since I began my journey at Tyndale... and now I'm part of the student council. God is the master potter, he is able to shape a lump of murky clay into a masterpiece, as long as the clay has not harden itself.

I'm excited of what God will do. "But I know there's still more." In a little more than a week, I will be in Hong Kong. My mission to share the gospel to my grandparents. And in a little less than a month, I will be in SE Asia, letting God lead me wherever He wishes - literary.

There is still so much more, as long as I let Him show me.

Montreal Road Trip

18 Tyndale Seminary Students invade Montreal...

>>Click here for photos

VisionX 2006

4 days with 340 Korean high school kids. Oh the joy of youth ministry...

>>>Click here for photos

Spiritual Formation Retreat

Spiritual Formation Retreat...

>>Click here for photos

Baking in His Glory

The morning runs with Dr. Sherbino has been amazing. The weather was awesome. The rising sun baked us in His glory as we ran.

Waiting in Him – Shadows Proves the Sunshine

It was worth the wait, and I am still waiting. I went back outside, climbed up into the tree again. Sitting on the tree branch, with the river rushing by underneath me, there was stillness. My thoughts return to the struggles of this world, and how we are called to struggle for His sake. A whisper echoed in my head, “Joel, I know your struggles. And I have been with you in your struggles. I promise you this, there will be many more challenges and struggles to come, but above all else, I promise I will be with you through all these struggles.” As I opened my eyes, to seal His promise, the setting sun broke through the clouds and shone onto the riverside.

Glimpses of Cambodia flashed through my mind; the “Killing Fields” in the 1970’s, the persecutions and the oppressions. Yet, a nation in much need of God’s love. A nation with 10 million in population, but only about 10,000 Christians. Is that you calling, Lord? I must admit, I am falling in love – Falling in love with the nation of Cambodia. Though I might be going there with OMF this coming May, but yet I sense a deeper calling. “I will go, Lord, if you lead me…”

Here I am Lord
By Daniel L Schutte
Chorus
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go, Lord, if you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart

Verse 1
I, the Lord of sea and sky
I have heard my people cry
All who dwell in dark and sin
My hand will save

Verse 2
I, who made the stars of night
I will make their darkness bright
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Verse 3
I, the Lord of snow and rain
I have borne my people’s pain
I have wept for love of them
They turn away

Verse 4
I will break their hearts of stone
Give them hearts for love alone
I will speak my words to them
Whom shall I send?

Verse 5
I, the Lord of wind and flame
I will send the poor and lame
I will set a feast for them
My hand will save

Verse 6
Finest bread I will provide
'Til their hearts be satisfied
I will give my life to them
Whom shall I send?

Fear overwhelmed my heart. ‘What ifs’ surfaced. I recalled the clench in my parents’ face when I mentioned the possibility of missions to Cambodia. What will my grandparents think? What will my future wife think? What will her parents think? The questions and fears are endless. Yet, looking into the setting sun, joy and reassurance conquered the fears. “Finest bread I will provide, ‘til their hearts be satisfied. I will give my life to them, whom shall I send?”

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?

Struggling Upstream

“There was an old owl who lived in an oak
The more he heard, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard
So why cannot we be like that old bird?”

Today we spend the afternoon in complete silence: not a word spoken, not even a hum. Before we began, we joked about how some of us will go insane without speaking for 5 hours. To me, I thought how different will it be from backpacking? I’ll just spend my time walking along the river and enjoy the cool breeze. Soon I realized that this is nothing like backpacking. I realized that while backpacking, I’d sing under my breath. As I walked, I wanted to recite the “breath prayer”:

“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.”

However, I found it extremely difficult not about to whisper it under my breath. So I decided to continue walking along the riverbanks with the “breath prayer”, Heidelberg Catechism, Psalm 1, all echoing inside my head.

Then I stumble upon a pack of ducks, struggling to swim upstream. I wondered why don’t they just fly and not be pushed around by the current. Then I realized they were looking for food.

As of us, why face the challenges in life knowing there is a treasure waiting for us in heaven? Because by struggling to swim upstream in life, against the current of this world, we will be spiritual feed and nourish. If not for the struggles, our growth flat lines.

Then I climbed a tree the hung over the river and sat in silence and meditated. Boy, I never realized remaining in silence is so tiring. It is as though my mind is working overtime staying alert to God’s voice.

NIV Matthew 26:36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." 37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me." 39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." 40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. 41 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." 42 He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." 43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. 45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!"

Must stay alert and wait for God’s voice with anticipation. Temptations for go to sleep, so I should head back outside. Already spend an hour journaling; I should spend the reminding 90 minutes waiting in Him.

“When you are waiting, you are allowing your soul to grow up. If you are not silent, you will never hear God’s voice.”

Resonance

Arriving at the Queen of Apostles Renewal Centre, the first thing that hit me was the acoustic of the chapel. In the circular chapel, every snap and even whisper resonates in the tiny chapel. Especially during the worship, where all our voices erupted into beautiful melodies, I felt the presence of angels worshipping with us.

Also the symbols in the chapels were a treat comparing to our protestant sanctuaries. From the statue of the ascension of Christ, to the tabernacle, the names of God symbols on the back wall, the central lighting symbolizing the descending of the Holy Spirit, and the beautifully sculpted alter; my senses were overwhelmed in the chapel.

Another thing that resonated throughout the evening was our laughter. It is good to be with the presence of brothers and sisters.

NIV Psalm 133:1 How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! 2 It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron's beard, down upon the collar of his robes. 3 It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the LORD bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.

Solitude

Before coming into this Spiritual Formation Retreat, an old dream resurfaced as I prepared myself for the solitude and quietness. The old dream of thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail. 2000 miles, 4-6 months journey from Georgia to Maine along the Appalachian Mountains. Solitude. I dunno if I ever have the chance to fulfill this dream, but I do know that the motives are now different.

When I first acquired this dream, I wanted 4-6 months away from the busyness and challenge of life. However, if I were to embark on this journey now, it will be about solitude, spending 4-6 months in silence listening to God’s voice. How amazing that will be like?

Well… this is only my human dream… let’s see where will God lead me?

Spiritual Formation Retreat

Heading out to Spiritual Formation retreat now and Volleyball Finals this weekend. So excited. Will post when I am back. Peace.

Laugh

I was laughing in my Systematic Theology II class this morning when I remember a news report on 680 News on my way to school this morning.

The average adult laughs 15 times a day; the average child, more than 400 times.

We need to laugh more.

Eyes

While I lead the in-depth Bible study in Revelations for the young career group this afternoon, we discussed the significance of eyes and sight.

Revelation 4:6b In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and in back.

The discussion brough be back to my Systematic Theology class of last week. It is interesting that the creatures are covered with eyes. Why not ears? Why not noses? Why not tongues? What so special about eyes? As humans, we gather the most information with our sight. Yet, it is our only sense organ we can turn off. We have eye lids, not ear lids nor tongue lids. So we have the option of being discipline in what we see. Oh thank God, we only have one pair of eyes... controlling one pair of eyes is hard enough, God surely know what we need and our limits.

Also, eyes can cast judgement on others. If you stare sat someone, the individual will feel uneasy and you cast judgement by sight alone. That's why we cannot see God face to face, for we would not survive His judgement.

With our single pair of eyes, we have to be aware of God's presence and God's work. However, I do think that in heaven we will too be 'covered' with eyes enabling us to soak in the full glory of God. :)

Being Different to be the Same

Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

We are call to be different, do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world. As salt and light, we are to me different. We are not of this world. But what I am beginning re realize is that in being differing, we are also called to be the same. To be the same as the image of God. The image we are created to be, but tinted with the sins in us. To be holy. That's the ultimate calling from God.

Leviticus 11:44a I am the LORD your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy. Do not make yourselves unclean by any creature that moves about on the ground. 45 I am the LORD who brought you up out of Egypt to be your God; therefore be holy, because I am holy.

Consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy. To be holy because God is holy. Different from this world, be to be the same as Jesus.

"What thing place is calling me to be is -- the same, and more of the same. The same as the monks, the same as the saints, the same as Jesus, the same as the heavenly Father."
~Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Genesee Diary (pg 66)

Weaknesses Exposed

"Nothing should be forced, and that the first month of involvement had made me aware of my weaknesses and could now help me to rearrange my life... In a sense, you fall apart, you regress, but it is also there that you become available for spiritual direction and can find a place for prayer and ascetical life."
~Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Genesee Diary (pg 60, 61)

I feel exactly how Henri Nouwen during his stay at the Trappist Monastery. 6 months in seminary, I feel God has brought the best and worst out of me. And it is my worst that I need to be aware of. I have fallen apart, cried out to God in the middle of the night, and yet God prepared my soul for spiritual direction. It is until this week that I made mends with the people in the office. Patched up relationships that I let slip over the last few months. Most importantly, finally understanding my breaking point.

There is still a lot of work to be done. Parts of me will still need to be broken down and be reshape by God's hands. It will hurt, but what matters is that God is shaping me into who He wants me to be.

Stop Criticizing Men's Hockey

What annoyed me the most is that how the focus of the media is to criticize the early exit of the Men's Hockey Team. Well, why focus on the negative? We have one of the best day in Olympic results, 2 Golds, 2 Silvers. We are having the best Olympics ever. We should celebrate! Celebrate Cindy Klassen, Women's Hockey, celebrate Canada Curling! Watch Chandra Crawford's race in the Women's Cross Country Sprint, now that's celebration!



Under Further Notice: Celebrate Everything!

Medal Count
Gold 7
Silver 10
Bronze 7
Total 24
(Final Standings, Feb 26)

Out Coached

I'm not happy.

I get cranky when I get outwitted. I'm suppose to be the "sneaky" one, and hands down I got out smart on Saturday. I should have noticed. But I just did not connected the dots together until today. Too late.

I must give my respect to the Redeemer's coach. First for scouting us during our game against Master's. As sign that Redeemer did not enjoy taking the lost during our home tournament. I thought we had the last laugh; because without Denice on Saturday, Siobhan was setting for us and therefore we didn't have any set plays. That also means that there is nothing to scout, becuase I played most of my bench against Master's.

However, when Redeemer came like a sea of red, something was wrong. Their regular jeresys were soccer style white. Why did they wear their red practice shirts? I laughted at them at first, commenting that they did not do their laundry. But I didn't noticed their tallest middle wore #9. She usually wears #3...

It was until today, reviewing the game sheets that I realized Redeemer pulled a fast one on me. The did not wear their regular jerseys because they switched some of their numbers around. Plus I was baffled at #8 who kept hitting us line yesterday. Who IS #8? They never had a #8!?! Surely they cannot add a name player this time in the season, she would qualify for the playoff in 3 weeks. Time for a team meeting.

Plus because my lack of concentration, I was out coached my Heritage. I will be held responsible for the lost to Heritage... but never again. :)

Laughters

Boy, I haven't laughed so hard for a long time. I love how gliding on ice melts all my stress away. I could of spent all day skating in circles, feeling the cold wind rush by my face, lost in thoughts.

What topped it off was sharing the ice with all my friends from school. Especially when Nips and Ben chased after me because I threw snow at them... what a laugh.

Tired

I'm tired.

Monday, Tueday and Thursday, 13-15 hours at the school. I can feel the tightness in my shoulders. My head is pounding. My body is banged up, from floor hockey, volleyball, and work. I just realized clearing George Sweetman from the front of the net is like moving a mountain.

I'm looking forward to skating with Tyndale tomorrow... when I'm on the ice, I feel like I'm flying and all the stress goes away.

Lord, give me rest.

zzzzzz......

A Prayer Revival

Though at church, we started our prayer ministry several months ago on Fridays and Sundays before the programs, I rarely had time to take part because of all the little details I have to take care of with ecah program. But starting last week, I had a burden to expand this prayer minstry. Beginning with email prayer intercession.

prayer@yorklbc.org

Then, while I was watching a video on the Taizé Community in France, I was challenge to lead the congregation on a prayer revival.

I have a burden to lead the prayer meetings on Sunday morning and to develop Spiritual formation for the High School boy during next season i-groups.

Rain

Rain in February, weird but it's true. Sitting alone in my room listening to the rain. I love the sound of rain and the howl of wind.

It is funny that how past pains and heartbreaks occassionally surface. Though is does not bother me anymore, I do reflect on how it shaped my character.

'Love your neighbour as yourself.'

Over the last week, I just realized how mellow and soft I have become. After Urban Promise, I was at Darrin's. Johnny, Alvin and Darrin was horsing around wrestling each other UFC style. They were putting each other in various locks and chock holds. I just watched them and wonder why would you want to do something like that for fun? It is interesting to know how much pain you can endure, but how do you fun inflicting pain on each other fun?

Another incidence was dinner at Steve's with Baik, Tory, Jessica, Hannah and Rosalie. We played Hannah's "game" where the reward is the chance to hit each other on the wrist. Hannah seems to be must excited about hitting all of us. However, when I won my chance to hit everybody, I just didn't have the heart to hit anyone, even if it was for fun. It was fun winning the opportunity to hit, and I do not mind getting hit, but the actual hitting part is definately not fun.

Moving Mountains - Urban Promise

How faithless I am?

When we arrive at the Urban Promise project with the youth group, turning a run down plaza into an oasis for underprivilage church, I took one look at the moldy basement as said to myself that we will not even make a scratch in the clean up of the basement. Yes, we might be able to finish painting the kitchen, but the basement, cleaning up all the crap (moldy garbage/drywall/tiles), no way.

Oh how wrong I am. On comes the dust mask and glove. 30 kids. Single file up along the stairs. Passing baskets and baskets of crap up the stairs. And we were all laughing while we laboured in the dust/mold filled basement. It was amazing. 2.5 hours later, we complete demolished the basement and sweeped the place up. In a mere 2.5 hours, we must have saved Pastor Clarke at least 3 days of clean up.

Wow.

It is amazing when God put little people to work.

The End of the Week

My body tells me it is the end of the week. Parts of me ache in such ways that I did not it was possible before. I think this flu is nastier than I thought. It drains me of my energy. My left hamstring and quad are hurting. Right foot hurts as usual. The weirdest pain the the one under my right arm, just in the "wing" part of my back/arm. It hurts when I shift gears.

I guess I'm just getting old. :P

Life is Wonderful

I got home an hour ago from tutoring, I suddenly felt so grateful for the things I have. I have dinner on the table, a warm family to come home to, home early enough that I look forward to the peaceful sleep tonight. I am content. What joy is it that you can say "I am content"?

Joy, joy, joy... it has a nice ring to it. Make one happy just thinking about it, even in the depths of the valley of death. Why am I so bubbly tonight? I dunno, maybe because Jesus loves me? Hahah... I still got the sniffles and slight headache, but I'm just glad I am alive. What else can I ask for? Dim Sum with Baik, Colin, Kelly, Leo and Jeff. Run around this awesome DVD rental place with Baik and Colin. Talking about our exciting futures. Serving together during March Break. Maybe together running for Student Council for next year. Played floor hockey and remaining undefeated.

I guess God is giving me a second chance to live a life as a student, for I screwed up my last opportunity. And this time I get to do it probably as His servant.

Life is wonderful. Even though there are struggles along the way, it is wonderful with Jesus on your side.

Life is Wonderful
by Jason Mraz
"it takes a night to make it dawn
and it takes a day to you yawn brother
it takes some old to make you young
it takes some cold to know the sun
it takes the one to have the other

it takes no time to fall in love
but it takes you years to know what love is
it takes some tears to make you trust
it takes some years to make it rust
it takes some dust to make it polished

ha la la la la la la life is wonderful
ah la la la la la la life is full circle
ah la la la la la la life is so full of
ah la la la la la la life is so rough
ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
ah la la la la la la life is full circle
ah la la la la la la life is our love
ah la la la la la "

He Makes Men Instead of Statues

"Christ . . is more of an artist than the artists; he works in the living spirit and the living flesh; he makes men instead of statues."
~ Vincent Van Gogh, The Complete Letters, B9, III, 499

On the drive to school today, I was reflecting on the work God is doing in my life. Why did the past few days feel so grim? I reminded myself to rejoice in trials and tribulations, but at times that seem so hard. How did Paul do it when he was in chains? Or when David was in the wilderness running from his very own king, how did he cope with the stress? When king Saul walked into the cave where David was hiding, what was running through his mind?

In Spiritual Formation yesterday, Dr. Sherbino mentioned the condition "reactive depression". "Reactive depression" when one is depressed due to the reaction to an external event. I am "reactivity depressed" when I do not meet my own expectations. When I and disappointed with myself, I can feel the energy drain out of me. When I am stressed, I want to sleep.

Yet, I can hear God telling me this is the project He's is working on. Getting me to cope with emotional stress. Should I be disappointed at myself to the point of depression? God, Creator of the heavens and the earth, master artist, he makes men instead of statues. His medium is my flesh. "And God saw that it was good" As a fellow artist, I can understand if someone devalues my works. I'd get angry because I poured my heart out into my creation... How would God feel when we devalues His masterpiece.

He did not make me out of stones the is static through the passage of time. He made me out of flesh, sharping me according to the current conditions and preparing me for future challenges. Therefore I how He has great things planned for me... all I have to do is to endure, with joy, the current challenges.

Where does my strength come from?

A new day, a new morning, a new start.

Renew strength, where does this strength come from?

"I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from GOD,
who made heaven, and earth, and mountains."
~Psalm 121:1, Message

I feel so renewed that I want to write, I want to sing. This is how David must have felt when he write psalms.

I want the write songs and poems too... but don't have either gifts. Then I'll just stick with the ramblings of my journals. :)

Feeling Sick

I feel sick. Past two days, I feel like I want to throw up. Headaches. Clogged up sinuses. Runny nose. Maybe it is psychological. Maybe I am imagining I'm getting sick as an escape from the stress. Maybe it is my subconscious self-defense mechanism. For the past week, by the afternoon, I would feel sick. But in the morning, I am refreshed.

Whenever it is. I gotta be careful.

Three Strikes, You're... Saved By Grace

Second Chances...

How many second chances have I gotten? How many second chances do I deserve? Probably none. But my life is filled with second chances.

I sat at school in front of the fireplace in the cafeteria all afternoon, alone, reading... sobbing. I love Tyndale on Sundays afternoons. It is so quiet and peaceful. I sat there, with the warmth of the fire (heater) drying my tears. Tears of sadness. Tears of disappointment. I'm disappointed with myself. How many times have I dropped the ball over the past few months? How much longer can I smile in the face of challenges? Physically, I can endure the beatings. But emotionally and psychologically, I am wearing thin.

Stress.

I rarely admit that I an stressed. Maybe because I am not easily stressed. I am my toughest critic. I am stressed whenever I feel that I am not meeting my expectations, especially if it affect others. And I beat myself up if I do not meet other's expectations, let alone my own expectations.

I can definite feel the stress. And being a person that can usually suppress stress, I do not handle stress well when it does build up. Stress brings the worst out of me. I'll snap. And that was 5 years ago. Yes, I've learn to be better than that. But I'm near my breaking point. I don't want to snap. I don't want to crash. There is too much on the line. Every blood, sweat, and tears over the past two years, all the lessons learned, all the pain endured... all on thin ice.

Sitting is service today, I feel there is a raging fire burning all around me. I close my eyes, and I can see the fire. Bridges burning. It seems the only safe haven was in front of the fire place in Tyndale. Am I resorting back to my old self? Picking up my backpack and disappear into the woods at first sign of stress. No, Joel. I cannot do that. I am better than that now. And God reminding me in my readings today:

"The spiritual life is not a life of quiet withdrawal, a hothouse growth of artificial ascetic practices beyond the reach of people living ordinary lives. It is in the ordinary duties and labors of life that the Christian can and should develop his spiritual union with God.... Christian holiness in our age means more than ever the awareness of our common responsibility to cooperate with the mysterious designs of God for the human race. This awareness will be illusory unless it is enlightened by divine grace, strengthened by generous effort, and sought in collaboration not only with the authorities of the Church but with all men of good will who are working for the temporal and spiritual good of the human race."
~Thomas Merton, Life and Holiness, 9-10

What good is it if I go on a quiet withdrawal and cut off myself with this world? I cannot be like a monk and hide in a monastery. Similarly, I cannot simply isolate myself while backpacking in search of my spiritually. Awareness of our common responsibility to cooperate with the mysterious designs of God for the human race. This awareness will be illusory unless it is enlightened by divine grace.

Second chance.

According to my own critic, 3 strikes I'm out. But God reached down from heaven, picked me up, dusted me off, straighten my uniform, and sends me back out to bat again. All because of His grace. Even though I failed Him and disappointed Him countless times, He still wants to use me in His ministry.

I dunno want to say but "thank you, Lord." He reminds me in return. Gratitude Be thankful always, for God, for others around you, and for yourself.
"For myself?" I asked.
"You are fearfully and wonderfully made." He relied.

Gravity

Oh I hate gravity. Whenever I want to climb back up onto my two feet and get yank down again. Whatever happened to "flying on wings like eagles". I felt that I've been grounded for the last several months. Everytime I tried to get my life back in order, something else pops up and I'm once again ground. I feel as though my knees are bloody from falling. I feel that I'm on the verge of burnt out with all the stress... but somehow God has been sustaining me. Maybe of His plans for me this year. School till April, Mekong in May, church internship Jun-Aug, back to school Sept-Dec, Urbana in Dec. I cannot let myself get burnt out. There's no time to get burnt out.

I want to cry the prayer of Psalm 13. If David can cry out to God, if Job can accuse God, if Jacob can wrestle with God, and if Moses and Abraham can barter with God, I should cry out too. How come I feel as though my world is collapsing around me? I feel as though the bridges around me is being burnt. Yes, I have the support and the fellowship of those at Tyndale and at church... but everything else is falling apart. Who am I to ministry to if my bridges to my non-Christian friends are on fire? And everytime I grab a bucket to put out the fire, it is as though I'd grab a bucket of oil by mistake and make things worst.

Lord. What do you want me to do? I cannot just shelter myself in Tyndale and in church. What kind of witness am I bringing to my friends. And everytime something happens, all my energy is sucked out of me. Joel the Mellable? Yes, I am beaten into a pulp. I know physically I can take this beating... but emotionally and psychologically, I now know that I'm weak. Maybe that why Rev. Lau is concern about me emotionally - that I need emotional support. But what am I suppose to do? I do my part in listening and waiting in patience. Waiting as things get worst and I do not have the strength to make things right. Maybe I should seek professional help at school, go see Kaarina or go see one for the counselors.

What am I to do, Lord? And what are you teaching me. Why won't you pick me up and put me on solid ground as you promised in Psalm 40.

But Lord, thank you for your reassurance that when I hit rock bottom, that rock is You, Jesus. That why I should love gravity. Gravity keeps me grounded on the Rock.

Fit for Heaven?

A question popped into my head today during Systematic Theology class: "Are you fit for heaven?"

What will we do in heaven? I imagine a big feast.... mmmmm, 24/7 buffet. I imagine a big party. Boy, we will have a blast in heaven. But what else will we do in heaven? Will we hop on clouds? Will be play harps? What will heaven be like?

I dunno, I have never been there. But one thing I know is that heaven is where the presence of God will be. A place where we will have a renew followship with God. Somewhere we can fulfill our purpose.

Our purpose to serve the Lord in obedience.

So imagine that. In heaven, with all the fun we are going to have, we get to fulfill our purpose in obedience to the Lord. That mean here on earth we have a chance to practice what we will do for eternally. Just like practicing for the big game, the finals. You would not to be at the finals and not ready to play your best game.

"Are you fit for heaven?"

Will you be ready for heaven? Why don't we start living our lives in obedience now? So that we will be fit for heaven!

Gratitude

What do you understand by the providence of God?

Providence is
The almighty and ever-present power of God
whereby he still upholds, as it were by his own hand,
heaven
and earth
together with all creatures,
and rules in such a way that
leaves and grass,
rain and drought,
fruitful and unfruitful years,
food and drink,
health and sickness,
riches and poverty,
and everything else, come to us
not by chance
but by his fatherly hand.

~Heidelberg Catechism, Q&A 27

Our lives, is a gift. We get to enjoy life, and everything else the surrounds our lives, and we seldom say "Thank you". Gratitude takes nothing for granted. Gratitude is not just about giving thanks to the gift, but it also recognizes the giver. When was the last time you recognize the giver of life?

I reflection of my thought on Sunday morning, the Lord is my breath, we ought to give thanks to the giver and the creator for life. But also we ought to give thanks for our purpose. Our purpose to serve the Lord in obedience. Thank you, Lord, for slowly revealing the joy in serving You. Serving You in obedience is not a burden, but it is in my being to serve with joy.

John 15:9 "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete."

You make my joy complete, and I abid in Your love and faithfully obey Your commands.

Gratitude
by Nichole Nordeman

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

The Lord is my ____________

During reflection time in service today, Rev. Lau asked us to fill in the blank. "The Lord is my ____________"

I just sit there for minutes, thinking. Names of God started flashing through my head. In the seminary chapel this year, we are looking at the different names of God...

YHWH
Jehovah
Good Shephard
El Shaddai - God Almighty
Gaol - Redeemer
Shaphat - Judge
Logos - Word
Adonai - Master
Jehovah-Jirah - The Lord will Provide
Elohim - God
Jehovah-Shalom - The Lord of Peace
El lyon - Lord Most High
Yesha - Saviour
Abba - Father
Sophia - The Wisdom of God
Ego emi - I AM

Yet, I sat in silence... asking myself what does God mean to me? All the names for God means so much. But if David sees God as his shepherd, what do I see God as?

Then I wrote down, "The Lord is my __breath__."

Genesis 2:7 "the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being."

The breath of life is the essence of our being. It is the likeness of God that He breathed into us. It is what makes us alive, what sustains our lives. Yet, with this breath, He gives us purpose.

Genesis 2: 4 This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created.
When the LORD God made the earth and the heavens- 5 and no shrub of the field had yet appeared on the earth and no plant of the field had yet sprung up, for the LORD God had not sent rain on the earth and there was no man to work the ground, 6 but streams came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground-

The Lord watered the land He created, and He created man to work to ground and take care of His creation. This breath is not just to give us life, it defines who we are and our purpose - it gives meaning to our lives.

The Lord is my __breath__.

breath of God
by shane barnard

a life you cannot define
a purpose thats benign
they need to see and believe
be led to the rugged tree

the one on which he cried not for his pain but for our debt
the very same tree that He conquered death
it was an unfair deal on the part of Christ
He got my sin, i got eternal life

make me the breath of God
and i'll show them the One that means the most to me
they'll see the face of love
be touched by the very one who died upon the tree

small talk is a better choice
a way to avoid Your voice
i need to feel the dust on my knees
and lead them to the tree

will you follow Me, lead them to the tree
can't you just believe, will you take a knee for eternity

Green Light to the Mekong

I spoke with Dave Roberts today, the in-house missionary at Tyndale, and he had great news for me. Sharon from OMF told him that even with only two students the Mekong mission trip in May is still a go. :) Now I am really excited. Please pray for me in my preparations. More details to follow.

Mekong with OMF Canada

Time to update my passport.

I Belong...

What is your only comfort in life and death?

That I am not my own,
but belong --
body and soul,
both in life and in death --
to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ.

~Heidelberg Catechism Q & A1

What is the greatest reward about the Great Romance? It is a sense of belonging.

While working with youth over the past few years, one thing in common that drives teens to do what they do is trying to fit in. Why do people plaster brand names all over themselves? So that they can fit into the crowd they associate themselves with.

NIV Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

This point has been beaten to death by other pastors, so I would not spend too much time on it. However, this phenomenon occurs in the church too. There are people who serve for the wrong reason. They serve so that they fit into the church crowd. The most common offence is serving on the Worship team. Teens find it "cool" to serve on the worship team. Most church's worship teams are a special "clique". They practice together, hangout together, and are under the spotlight during service. Now that's "cool". So cool that it will give you a sense of belonging. But do we serve God because it is cool to do so. Well, of course it's cool to serve the Lord. But I don't see people lining up to get into the General Management team, or the Parking Attendant team in the middle of Winter?!? The Uncle who directs traffic when is -20 outside is cool. Whoever cleans the dirty dishes in the church sink is cool. But they are not in the spotlight. We do we serve our Father in Heaven? Because we want to be noticed by others? NO!

NIV Matthew 6:5 "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full."

Then where do we seek the assurance of belonging? That I am not my own, but belong with body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ.

NRSV Isaiah 43:1
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O [Joel],
he who formed you, O [Joel]:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine."

Isaiah 43:1, that is like God give you a hug. He pursues you, he romances you, and he comes and hug you.

The Return of the Prodigal Son

~Rembrandt

The Great Romance

Yesterday in Spiritual Formation, we did a Spiritual Type test. I turn out to be K-/H, Kataphatic (compared to Apophatic) to sense God, Heart (compared to Mind) to know God. It is interest to learn over the past few months that even though I am quiet cognitive, I rely on my feelings, on my heart. MBTI: ENFP. That is why boundaries are so important to me because I tend to wear my heart on my sleeves.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do."
~Prov 4:23(NLT)

When I am lonely, I usually pick up a novel to read. What to I read, just about anything. Recently I've been reading books by Ted Dekker. However, once in a while, I would pick up something sappy. Hence the Nicholas Sparks collection in my room. (shhh....) Why? Because that is the way we are created. Especially when we are lonely, deep inside, we longed to be loved. Since we are made in the image of God, we are hardwired to love and to be loved. And that is the amazing aspect about God. He loves us. But yet, God loves us so much that He gave us a free will to choose to accept His love or not.

One aspect we explored yesterday. The Great Pursue. In order to show His affection for us, He pursues us in love. What is the first thing we humans do when we fall in love? We don't just sit here and hope that person will come to us. We pursue. And in God's Great Persue, is His Great Romance. First, in His pursue, He tries to get our attention. A little blessing here, a little miracle there. We even went to the extent to get our attention by sacrificing His Beloved Son for us. But then, he wait. Patience. He let us choose for ourselves. He initiates the act of saving grace, willing us the opportunity to choose His love, yet He patiently waits for our respond.

Gifted Response (We Will Worship You)
by Matt Redman

This is a gifted response
Father we cannot come to You by our own merit
We will come in the name of Your son
As He glorifies You
And in the power of Your spirit
2x

We have come to something so mysterious
Too deep for minds to comprehend
Through the open door
Where the angels sing
And the host of heaven are antheming...

And we'll sing the glory of Your name
Celebrate the glories of Your grace
We will worship You, We will worship You
And we'll make Your praise so glorious
Singing songs of everlasting praise
We will worship You, we will worship You

The Great Romance... pursue and patience...

Slowdown

I remember when learning to play a new sport, all my senses are overwhelmed and the action is a blur all around me. The toughest part about learning a new sport is not the rules, the strategy or the skills, but it is learning how to slow the game down. The action is till occurring at a blazing speed, but in my mind the action slows down and it seems I have more time to make decisions and react.

It is like when I play soccer, carrying the ball at full speed down the left wing toward the baseline, in my mind the game is slow down enough so that I am aware of the defender approaching, how teammates are making runs to get themselves in space, notice which way the defender is leaning so that I can make the decision of deking around him, crossing the ball with my left foot, or stopping in my run turn around and crossing with my right foot. When the game slows down like that, decisions and reactions made in that time increases the chances of winning the game.

In a world where instant gratification is king, there are very little opportunities to slow down life. MSN/emails/cell phones provide instant communication. Internet provide instant information. Cars and transportation allows us to travel from one point to another quickly. Computers allow us to multi-task. Can we live without these wonderful technology? Most may say no. But I beg you can. That why I still enjoy writing and sending letters, it has such a way to develope patience and quietness. Life seems to by zooming by me, by the time I graduate from Tyndale I will be 30. If I do not learn to slow the game of life down, how can I be effective for God?

Jesus had a short 3 years ministry, imagine how fast life fly by for him. But Jesus were able to slow down life by spending time with God every morning and every evening.

RSV Matthew 14:22 Then he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23 And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24 but the boat by this time was many furlongs distant from the land, beaten by the waves; for the wind was against them. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea.

NKJ Mark 1:32 At evening, when the sun had set, they brought to Him all who were sick and those who were demon-possessed. 33 And the whole city was gathered together at the door. 34 Then He healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons; and He did not allow the demons to speak, because they knew Him. 35 Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed.

Coach Carter

Yesterday I learn of something that a coach did not want to hear - I just lost two girls on my volleyball team for the remainder of the season. Well, thank God it is not due to injuries. Two girls became ineligible to play the reminder of the season: One because she was no longer registered at Tyndale, and the second is because of poor academic standings. I dread this moment because as the coach it is my responsibility to break the news to the individual and to the rest of the team. I must approach this matter with grace and respect. I pray for God's wisdom. Also time to rent "Coach Carter".

Want to Pray

Isaiah 30:15-16a (NRSV)
For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel: In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. But you refused and said, "No! We will flee upon horses"

After preparing my schedule last night, I realized that my weeknights for the next 2 months are completely filled.

Monday
8:30 - 11:30a Elementary Greek II
1:00 - 4:00p Spiritual Formation
6:00 - 10:00p AV work - Lecture Recording - Phillipians

Tuesday
11:45 - 12:45p Chapel
12:45 - 4:00p AV work - Leacture Recording - Church History II
4:45 - 10:00p IT work (until department hires another staff for Tuesday night)
9:00 - 11:00p Coach - Women's Volleyball

Wednesday
8:30 - 11:30a Systematic Theology II
5:00 - 7:00p Tutor Kenneth in Chemistry and Math
*The only night that I can go home for dinner :(

Thursday
10:00 - 11:00a AV work - Chapel
12:00 - 1:00p IT work
2:30 - 5:00p Coach - Women's Volleyball
5:00 - 10:00p IT work

Friday
1:00 - 5:00p Church office
7:00 - 10:00p Fellowship

On the bright side is that when the volleyball season is over in March, I reclaim my Tuesday nights for time with family.

Because of this schedule, I have to remember not to "flee on horses". I need to develope an attitude to "want to pray". So every morning, I am adding on more task on my schedule:

6:45 - 7:15a God

Prayer Is the Soul's Sincere Desire
by James Montgomery

Prayer is the soul's sincere desire,
Unuttered or expressed;
The motion of a hidden fire,
That trembles in the breast.

Prayer is the burden of a sigh;
The falling of a tear;
The upward glancing of an eye,
When none but God is near.

Prayer is the simplest form of speech
That infant lips can try;
Prayer, the sublimest strains that reach
The Majesty on high.

Prayer is the Christian's vital breath;
The Christian's native air;
The watch-word at the gate of death;
He enters heav'n with prayer.

Still

"Leisure is not the inevitable result of spare time, a holiday, a weekend or a vacation. It is, in the first place, an attitude of mind, a condition of the soul... Leisure implies... an attitude of nonactivity, of inward calm, of silence, it means not being "busy", but letting things happen. Leisure is a form of silence, of that silence which is the prerequisite of the apprehension of reality: only the silent hear and those who do not remain silent do not hear. Silence, as it is used in this context, does not mean "dumbness" or "noiselessness"; it means more nearly that the soul's power to "answer" to the reality of the world is left undisturbed. For leisure is a receptive attitude of mind, a contemplative attitude, and it is not only the occasion but also the capacity for steeping oneself in the whole of creation...
Leisure is not the attitude of mind of those who actively intervene, but of those who are open to everything; not of those who grab and grab hold, but of those who leave the reins loose and who are free and easy themselves - almost like someone falling asleep, for one can only fall asleep by "letting oneself go." ... When we really let our minds rest contemplatively on a rose in bud, on a child at play, on a divine mystery, we are rested and quickened as though by a dreamless sleep... It is in these times visited by an awareness of what holds the world together."
(Piper, The Basis of Culture)

The misconception of leisure we have is that we will be still when we have a lack of activity. In this fast pace world one is made to feel unproductive in times of inactivity. In fact, that what I feel if I don't pack my schedule with tasks. Whatever happened to "stop and smell the roses"? Especially in Toronto, in the mist of a January thaw with the temperatures in the teens. Enjoy the weather. I realized that I had not set time a set for leisure and an attitude of stillness for a long time until last Sunday at Niagara. An afternoon to enjoy the awesome powers of the Falls, the running around in snow, and to slip n slide on the ice covered sidewalks.

An attitude of stillness. A time to seek God's word, to seek His presence. Even on busy days fill with ministry, school, family and work, we need to make space for God. For the past week, even if I have 8:30a morning classes, I will set 30min aside in stillness in reading, reflecting, writing and praying. Let see what God wants to say to me.

Matt 11:28-30
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Jesus did say that His yoke is easy. So when ever we feel that His yoke is stressing us out, then we are not wearing His yoke properly.

Looking Ahead, 2006

Scheduling events on my palm pilot, I had the chance to think about the upcoming events for this year. And boy, I am excited.

Besides the fun stuff at Logos and at Tyndale, many upcoming events for this year. Here is a brief description of what is in store this coming year:

In March, there is TC2006 . A conference that it dear to my heart where it provides a great opportunity to serve the teen in the Greater Toronto area. My faith was shaped and matured through attending and serving at TC when I was in highshool.

Later in March, there is Missionfest Toronto. I'm excited for guest speaker John C. Maxwell and William Tsui (who sold me my very first car 10 years ago :P ).

Then in May, if God willing, 3 weeks mission trip to the Mekong with OMF Canada. Boy, I'm excited about this. Serving in prayer ministry for the churches in Cambodia, Vietnam and Thailand. And afterward in June, visit grandparent in Hong Kong for a month on my very own mission trip.

And, to top it all off, December 2006. Urbana 2006.

A little early to think Urbana 2006? NO!!! St. Louis, MO for a week, with tens of thousand of God fearing university students wanting to change the world for God. Now that's exciting.

Home Sickness

Hate The World Today
by Starfield

"As much as it thrills me
I wanna get off this ride
For gravity holds me
Yet grace calls me to Your side
As much as I trust You
Though I know that hope will come with time
Injustice prevails
And truth lags behind

Looking for beauty
Searching for sense in all the pain
A note of redemption
A break in the clouds to stop the rain
Can You hear me calling?
Have You been listening to my cry?
Cause I can't carry on
If I don't find out why

I hate the world today
But I love this life you have given
I hate the world today
But I love you and I need you here

Though stuck in this moment
Everything good still comes from you
As much as I don't know
I'm trusting that you will carry me through
Though thousands are falling
Though comfort and peace are beyond reach
I'll offer my heart
I'll try to believe

It's pulling me to peices
In a fight for my soul
These two worlds are waging war
The falling of humanity
And the truth that although
I can't see with my eyes
I'm still trying to believe"

Chatting with Jenny on the way to and from Niagara made me think. It was really encouraging to have my time of reflection while I drove and have someone beside me to bounce ideas with. Thank you, Lord, for blessing us with such wonderful conversation and fellowship. At one point, we were taking about "home sickness". Jenny shared my view in as long as you are content with what God has given you at a given moment you will not be longing for something else (ie. homesick). Maybe because of this point of view that I too rarely call him when I am away.

Yet, upon further reflection, I realized that I am lying. I am homesick to the point that my soul groans and yearns to be home. No, I'm not talking about home as in Scarborough or Ottawa or anywhere else on Earth. Home as in Heavenly Home. It is because of the "Already and Not Yet", how the heaven has "already" breaking into our lives through the incaration of Jesus Christ but "not yet" fully manifested until His second coming, that we are given a taste of what yet to come. "Joey，食飯啦! " And with a taste, my soul awakens, not satified and longing groaning yearning for more. Hence I AM homesick.

I want to go home. I hate being in the world today. Yet, before I can come home running, God has a purpose for me. And He gave me life so that I can be part of His great plan. Waging wars - hate this world, love this purpose. The essence of my being groans from this struggle, but I know God has given me a promise.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
~ Jeremiah 29:11-13

Homesick:? Yes... but yet I need to pursue and be patient. To pursue in God's purpose for me. To be patient for I am a work in progress. And to be patient for the day God has plan for my homecoming.

Covenant

COVENANT

God
knocks at my door
seeking a home for his son.

Rent is cheap, I say.

I don't want to rent. I want to buy, says God.

I'm not so sure I want to sell,
but you might come in to look around.

I think I will, says God.

I might let you have a room or two.

I like it, says God. I'll take the two.
You might decide to give me more some day.
I can wait, says God.

I'd like to give you more,
but it's a bit difficult. I need some space for me.

I know, says God, but I'll wait. I like what I see.

Hm, maybe I can let you have another room.
I really don't need that much.

Thanks, says God. I'll take it. I like what I see.

I'd like to give you the whole house
but I'm not sure...

Think on it says God. I wouldn't put you out.
Your house would be mine and my son would live in it.
You'd have more space than you'd ever had before.

I don't understand at all.

I know, says God, but I can't tell you about that.
You'll have to discover it for yourself.
That can only happen if you let me have the whole house.

A bit risky, I say.

Yes, says God. But try me.

I'm not sure --
I'll let you know.

I can wait, says God. I like what I see.

~ Margaret Halaska

Pursue and Patience - Gen 29.20

"So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her."
~Gen 29:20

With my nose buried in New Testament all week last week, I had an urge to read the Old Testament to maintain sanity. :P I was reading Gensis when the story of Jacob jumped out at me. Though I was familiar with his story, recent event seems to give new life to the passage.

Growing up, I used to always compared myself to Jacob - as a prankster and a determined individual. Here in Genesis 29, Jacob experienced life transformation. Once a sly individual, who tricked Esau and Isaac for the birth right now receives a taste of his own medicine. Tricked by Laban, he worked a total of 7 + 7 years - all because he loved Rachel. But to Jacob, "they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her."

Oh, for me, this past school term was filled with pain and heartaches. And I know it is just the beginning. Yet, I looked forward to do it all over again this term, and for the next two years. Why? For I know these few years will seem like only a few days, as long as I continue to pursue God's love and purpose. However, pursuing in itself is not enough... through these few years it also requires patiences. Patience in God's plan, in God's timing.

So in the coming months if you see me heavy burdened with work and I am mumbling under my breath, don't think I've gone crazy. I am probably mumbling "pursue and patience". And do pray for me, for it is only through God that I can found the strength to pursue and be patient.

阿然，食飯啦!

16 Then Jesus said to him, "Someone gave a great dinner and invited many. 17 At the time for the dinner he sent his slave to say to those who had been invited, 'Come; for everything is ready now.' 18 But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said to him, 'I have bought a piece of land, and I must go out and see it; please accept my regrets.' 19 Another said, 'I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to try them out; please accept my regrets.' 20 Another said, 'I have just been married, and therefore I cannot come.' 21 So the slave returned and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and said to his slave, 'Go out at once into the streets and lanes of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.' 22 And the slave said, 'Sir, what you ordered has been done, and there is still room.' 23 Then the master said to the slave, 'Go out into the roads and lanes, and compel people to come in, so that my house may be filled. 24 For I tell you, none of those who were invited will taste my dinner.'"
~Luke 14:16-24, NRSV

I have fallen into the trap, the trap that Bill Hybel has warned us in his book "Too Busy Not to Pray". Seminary, ministry, family, work, personal time, and etc have made me too busy. Too busy to attend the banquet God has prepared for us. Joel, too busy for free food? Yes, it's true. The gravity of this situation dawned on me when Jesus said "none of those who were invited will taste my dinner". But that is the exact dinner I longed for as I study in seminary, as I serve in devotion...

Oh Lord, for three months, I had studied your word and seeked you with my heart, but I did not stop by to taste your dinner. Father, thank you for calling me back for dinner. 阿然，食飯啦! To taste his dinner in self reflection and prayer.

ENFP Persuader

Greetings everyone, I am really sorry for the lack of updates, but my
workload has finally caught up to me and I am feeling the heat. I did
several personality tests in my Leadership Development course and it
confirmed this might happen.



MBTI( Myers-Briggs Type Indicator ) : ENFP

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm



SOI (Style of Influence): Persuader



Persuader

Persuaders are friendly and lots of fun. They influence others
through outgoing personalities that relate well to the needs of other
people. They are good at developing loyalty in other people and then
selling their ideas to meet the needs of the other person. They are
enthusiastic and value their ability to verbalize ideas. They also
evaluate others by how effectively the can verbalize. Persuaders are
ones who sell ideas as a lifestyle. They are charming, and at times
impetuous. They like a good deal of variety and will not tolerate tight
reporting structures, which are viewed as too controlling and
oppressive. They will do well at creating enthusiasm in the group for
ideas that need to be implemented. They can overestimate their ability
to influence others and can be too optimistic about the accomplishment
of a task. They can also jump to conclusions before obtaining all the
facts. Often they will try to commit to too many activities and as
a result be spread too thin. They then can react to the pressure by
trying to do it all in a mediocre way rather than dropping some of the
activities. They have a hard time saying no. Presuaders are a great
asset to any group because of their enthusiasm. They will function best
in a environment where they have the freedom to select their own
projects and then deadlines are given to them for the accomplishment of
these projects.



Positive Potential:

enthusiastic

a seller of ideas

enjoys people



Negative Potential:

impulsive

can overuse enthusiasm as a substitute for getting the facts straight





Thanks to every for praying for me, worrying that I will spread too thin. I know by the grace of God He will carry me through.

519 Days of Waiting

519 days of no hockey, and finally the NHL resumes tonight. I still
remember of the last game the Leafs played, in the playoffs vs. the
Flyers. Game 6, overtime, and Jeremy Roenik ended our playoff run.


I have been eagerly waiting for the return of Leafs hockey... but I
thought to myself, do I have the same eagerness for the return of
Christ? Do I look till I'm long in the neck for His glorious
reappearing? Or an even better question, am I ready for His return? If
He were to return today, can I say that I have accomplished what He had
set in front of me?


Joel, why the lack of obedience... follow His ways and eagerly await for His return.