Home Sickness

Hate The World Today
by Starfield

"As much as it thrills me
I wanna get off this ride
For gravity holds me
Yet grace calls me to Your side
As much as I trust You
Though I know that hope will come with time
Injustice prevails
And truth lags behind

Looking for beauty
Searching for sense in all the pain
A note of redemption
A break in the clouds to stop the rain
Can You hear me calling?
Have You been listening to my cry?
Cause I can't carry on
If I don't find out why

I hate the world today
But I love this life you have given
I hate the world today
But I love you and I need you here

Though stuck in this moment
Everything good still comes from you
As much as I don't know
I'm trusting that you will carry me through
Though thousands are falling
Though comfort and peace are beyond reach
I'll offer my heart
I'll try to believe

It's pulling me to peices
In a fight for my soul
These two worlds are waging war
The falling of humanity
And the truth that although
I can't see with my eyes
I'm still trying to believe"

Chatting with Jenny on the way to and from Niagara made me think. It was really encouraging to have my time of reflection while I drove and have someone beside me to bounce ideas with. Thank you, Lord, for blessing us with such wonderful conversation and fellowship. At one point, we were taking about "home sickness". Jenny shared my view in as long as you are content with what God has given you at a given moment you will not be longing for something else (ie. homesick). Maybe because of this point of view that I too rarely call him when I am away.

Yet, upon further reflection, I realized that I am lying. I am homesick to the point that my soul groans and yearns to be home. No, I'm not talking about home as in Scarborough or Ottawa or anywhere else on Earth. Home as in Heavenly Home. It is because of the "Already and Not Yet", how the heaven has "already" breaking into our lives through the incaration of Jesus Christ but "not yet" fully manifested until His second coming, that we are given a taste of what yet to come. "Joey，食飯啦! " And with a taste, my soul awakens, not satified and longing groaning yearning for more. Hence I AM homesick.

I want to go home. I hate being in the world today. Yet, before I can come home running, God has a purpose for me. And He gave me life so that I can be part of His great plan. Waging wars - hate this world, love this purpose. The essence of my being groans from this struggle, but I know God has given me a promise.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
~ Jeremiah 29:11-13

Homesick:? Yes... but yet I need to pursue and be patient. To pursue in God's purpose for me. To be patient for I am a work in progress. And to be patient for the day God has plan for my homecoming.