My Heart Aches!!!

Sorry for the lack of update... I'm been swamped with work, I'm surprised that I'm only a little behind with school work.

Over the last two weeks, my heart ache - to the point it hurts. There are several things that I misses:

1. I miss Thailand, my heart breaks at the sight of the recent political turmoil. My heart goes out to the various missionaries I met over the summer in Thailand.
   
2. I miss the H'mong. Maybe I am falling in love with this particular people group, but I long to pray for them again in Nam, Thailand and China.
3. Of course, I miss Jenny. But I know I'll see her in 2.5 months.

The past two weeks I would fall asleep thinking of these thing...

You Said
By Ruben Morgan
You said, "ask and you will receive whatever you need."
You said, "pray and I'll hear from heaven,
and I'll heal your land."

You said Your glory will fill the earth
like water the sea.
You said, "lift up your eyes;
the harvest is here, the kingdom is near."

You said, "ask and I'll give the nations to you."
oh Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
distant shores and the islands will see your light as it rises on us

It is only Tuesday?!?

The past weekend at the Seminary Fall Retreat was awesome. God is so gracious and even though we feel our council was so disorganized, He carried us through it. I'll share more about the weekend later.

I cannot believe it is only Tuesday. It feels like Thursday already, and it is only first week of class. Bad news. sigh. Thank you, Lord. I'll learn to do the work you have in place for me without complaining and grumbling.

Piety

There's nothing you can ever do to make me love you less.
~God

I'm floored. In our Christian walk we try so hard to put our lives together in order, in a false twisted preception we must have it "all-together" to have a relationship with God. How many times have I heard the excuses: "I'm not spiritual enough to go on the mission trip", or "I'm carrying too much past baggage to serve."

Must we be completely pietist to have a loving relationship with Christ? No. Just take a quick look at the Psalms. Over and over again we see the psalmist crying out to God, groaning in agony, sighing in sorrows.

I am too often guilty of this, putting on a smile and attempting to face life issues on my own. Along with my 'happy-go-lucky' attitude, my business training also prohibits me to publicly express my sorrows. "You are not allow to do that because it brings negativity." I hear the same thing at the church.

I came to a realization after reflecting on my sermon on Psalm 5 that by surpress these feelings of sorrow and agony, one is robbing from the full love of Christ from him/herself. It is in this time of sorrow when the Father wraps His arms around you whispers in your ears, "I love you." It is for your sorrows that Christ stretched His arms on the cross and said "I love you."


Let's look at David and his psalms. He is the king of the most powerful nation in its time, but by reading his psalm one may say that he is pretty 'negative'. This must baffle those in today's business world. How can David rule a nation while he harbours such negativity? Because he knows that by crying out to the Lord, he falls into the embracing love of Christ.

Give ear to my words, O LORD,
consider my sighing.

Listen to my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray.

Psalm 5:1-2

So when we face trials and sorrows in life, cry it out to the Lord. This also applies when a friend is faced with difficult times, do not rob them from the full love of our Father; encourge the friend to cry out to the Lord.

I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
~Romans 8:38-39 (Message)

Therefore, we do not have to have it "all-together" to have a full relationship with Christ. Come to Him with your brokenheart. Fall to His side in pain and sorrows.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
~Jesus, Matt 11:28

This is the essence of salvation: Crying out to God that I don't have it "all-together". I am lost, I am screwed up, and this sinful nature of me has piled up all the junk in my life. And if you don't step in and fix things up, then I am dying here. And in result, He will pour out His love.

Tyndale Seminary Fall Retreat 2006 Promo

Come to the retreat!

Connect

When two people connect, when their beings intersect as closely as two bodies during intercourse, something is poured out of one and into the other that has the power to heal the soul of its deepest wounds and restore it to health. The one who receives experience the joy of being healed. The one who gives knows the even greater joy of being used to heal. Something good is in the heart of each God's children that is more powerful than anything bad. It's there, waiting to be released, to work its magic. But it rarely happens.
~Larry Crabb, Connecting

Currently Reading:
Connecting
by Larry Crabb

That was how I felt over breakfast with Patrick yesterday, and while during the brief MSN chat with Candy. And as I looked back at those conversations, I can see that is what I'll be doing as a pastor, to heal the wounds of souls. I look forward to this season in life as I learn to connect with those around me.

A few other notes:

1. Fall kick-off meeting with the student council at Kaarina's house today, I'm excited
2. Battle wounds from the summer. My back is still infected from a scratch I got from a child climbing on me at the Arts and Sports Camp... it is itchy and it is the size of a fist now. Pray that it will heal soon. Also still suffering from a slight flu for the past 2 weeks.
   
3. My physical report is in, will go see it something next week.
4. Spent my morning under my car, changed the oil and ready for the new Fall term. :)
   

"The End" comes in threes

The End...

The end of the summer internship at the church... but the beginning of a new school term and new responsibilities at church. I'm excited.

The End...

Last night CCSA banquet marks the end of another softball season. Never seem to have enough softball... but it is also the beginning for intramural and varsity sports. I'm excited

The End...

The end of summer. Goodbye t-shirt and shorts weather, goodbye warm oceans water and beaches (well, I said good by to that when I left HK anyway), and goodbye summer 'vacation'... but hello to the beautiful colours of autumn.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven
~Ecclesiastes 3:1

Those who are hungry?

Rev Lau asked me two days ago, in what capacity I wish to serve in the English congregation in these coming 4 months as school swings back into full speed. It was a hard question to answer, what do I want to do as my ministry? What can I do?

Do I want to preach?
Yes, and I have the opportunity to continue to do so in the next few months.

Do I want to continue to work with the high school kids?
Yes, I love them. They are a great bunch, so much potential.

Do I want to be involved with the university and young career groups?
Yes, they are the leaders of the congregation, and I love them too.

And then there are the adorable children... how I can mobilize and motivate my congregation to develop the future of God's Kingdom?

What do I want to do?

This morning, a verse came into my mind...

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.
~John 6:35

When was I the most excited this summer? On my mission trip and my summer intern at Logos?

When I was with brothers and sisters in Christ who are hungry for the Word: with the grandma new-believer in Vietnam, with Jenny, with the attendees of my Philippians class, with Candy and Genuine in their search for God's will, with the helpers of the Arts and Sports Camp, and with the university student who are eager to go to Urbana.

I want to be the instrument that God uses to feed these individuals, and to empower them to do the same to those around them.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me a goal for the next few months... I am excited about the opportunities You have given me. I love You, Lord, You are the best!!!

A Change of Heart

Today I spent the whole day at Tyndale: working and meeting up with people. This week is the transition in focus from my summer intern at Logos to my second year at Tyndale. First, I met with Chris, my IT/AV supervisor, to plan for workload and schedule for the coming school year. Praise God, I am schedule for a maximium 20 hours a week of work, not too much to overwhelm me yet enough to help pay for bills. Also my week nights and weekend are still free for church ministries. Thank you, Lord, for Your providence and your grace. Thank you for sustaining my life.

Afterwards, I met with Sonya, the VP of this year's student council. We shared with each other how God has brought us to this point our respective lives. It was during this sharing that a realization dawned on me. In regards to feeling a turning point in my life without any physical changes, from talking and praying with Sonya I realized there was a change. Along with the growth of leadership I mentioned yesterday, there was a change in my heart - or a better way to put it, a confirmation in my heart.

My heart for China. For years I have fought the idea that mom was right about my calling is for China. But after this past mission trip, I cannot denied that anymore. My heart for China has changed... I have fallen in love with China. Therefore, the final three years at Tyndale, my years of service at Logos, my courtship with Jenny, my relationship with my family, it will all point to the plan Christ has for me in China.

"He gives and takes away." This growth process will not be easy, He will pour out His blessings on me and He will take away things that are close to my heart too. Lord, give me the faith to trust in Your perfect plans.

Turning Point

As the month of August and the summer draws to a close, I looked at how my life had changed in the time span of merely 4 months . I tried to sort out my thoughts in yesterday's post, but there are still some thoughts lingering in my mind.

I am beginning to think that this summer is a turning point in my life. Very much like the TSN Turning Point during the Jays game broadcasts. My last turning point was then I came home to Toronto 3 years ago. Now with all the changes I have experienced over the past few months, the one thought that is nudging my mind is that this is another turning point.

But the funny thing is that physically, nothing has changed. I am still in Toronto, still serving at Logos Baptist Chruch, still attending Tyndale... so in the physical sense, I'm still in the middle of what God wants me to be in. However, as I write this, I begin to understand why I feel this is a turning point in my life and my ministry to the Lord. I am reminded of Dr. J Robert Clinton's saying in his book, The Making of a Leader:

The growth of a leader is characterized by identifiable progress in terms of sphere of influence, leadership responsibility, or self-confidence. (pg 90)

Sphere of influence
There is definitely a progress in my sphere of influence. 1) As I began my term as Treasurer for the 2006-07 Tyndale Seminary Student Council, I have gain the support and prayers from my council and Kaarina. 2) My courtship with Jenny has given my accountability and emotional support. 3) My summer internship at Logos has given me the support of working closely with the pastoral staff.

Leadership responsibility
The same three point can be said of my leadership responsibility. 1) 900 Tyndale Seminary students. 2) The spiritual growth of Jenny and her family. 3) The English congregation.

Self-confidence
Last but not least, self-confidence since I came back from the mission trip to Thailand and Vietnam. Many had commented how much I have growth in maturity, and along with the experience in preaching and leading the English congregation over this summer, thank God for the confidence He has instilled in me. Yet, I must remind myself to continually rely on Him daily for guidence and wisdom.

Growing up

The events from the past summer made me think of one thing Karen asked me a few years ago when I moved back to Toronto from Ottawa: "When do you think your parents had stopped parenting you?" I said to her I think it happened when I moved back from Ottawa. It is not that I do not need the help of the parents anymore, I still treasure their wisdom.

Responsibilities. I feel that as we learn from our increasing responsibilities, we grow up. When I was much younger, I thought independence was the mark of growing up - that's what I moved away from home for seven years. Yet, I came to a realization this past weekend that independence marks the passage into growing up is merely an illustration.

This past weekends the university and young career group were away camping. In front of me were ten young individuals under my care. They are the near future of our church - the leaders and servants. This camp was for the purpose to give these ten young people, and myself, the much needed rest, fun and fellowship. My responsibly to this group of young people were to provide for them physically and spiritually. These are my sheep, even Rev Lau slipped and called me pastor Joel this Sunday. That is a great responsibility God is inviting me to... He's putting the futures of His plans in my hands.

Oh, is this what growing up is all about, not so much in independence, but ultimately how we handle increasing responsibilities. Thank God that He is the gardener, nourishing me, watering me and watching me grow. Thank you, Lord.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (from Monty Python)
Words and music by Eric Idle

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

From the study of Philippians and from watching Monty Python's Spamalot last night, there is a resound calling to look for the joy in life.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Philippians 4:4

Rejoice, in everything we do!

Do everything without complaining or arguing. so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.
Philippians 2:14-16 (Emphasis mine)

When we complain in anyway, we are acting selfishly. What we are doing is to advance God's plan, and if we complain we consider our plans greater than God's.

And by holding on to joy, purity and innocent, we can shine like stars in theis crooked and depraved generation, and the world will know that we are Christians.

Now, let us song together. Spamalot was awesome, so funny, it was the first musical I've been to where we were invited to sing-a-long. Just too bad I cannot whistle.

Life is War

Okay, all silliness aside now, time to revisit my sermon from Sunday. Life is War.

"Because life is war. And it is utterly impossible for people to know what prayer really is until they know that they are in a war." ~John Piper

Currently Reading the The PAPA Prayer by Larry Crabb

Why is the Christian prayer life so hard? This is the question that has been plaguing my mind ever since my sermon prep last week. To be honest, I would never hesitated to pick up the phone to call a good friend just to chat, or I would be extremely excited to see Jenny online or to call her. Is talking to a good friend or girlfriend more exciting than talking to God, the creator of the universe? Echoing my previous post "Is this Glorifying God", is such excitement a sign of idolatry?

Yes, I do love my morning conversations with God and the occasion thanksgivings throughout the day. But how do I do even better in my prayer life?

While I was at Mitchel's yesterday, I decided to pickup Larry Crabb's "The PAPA Prayer". I found a seat in the middle of the store, plopped myself down on to the couch and begin browsing through the book.

I do not recall of another time when the first page of a book put me to tears. I immediately got up, grabbed my 30% off coupon and gift cards from my car, and purchased the book.

But if God is so good as you represent Him, and if He knows all that we need, and far better than we do ourselves, why should it be necessary to ask Him for anything?

I answered, What if He knows Prayer to be the thing we need first and most? What if the main object in God's idea of prayer be the supplying of our great, our endless need - the need of Himself? Hunger may drive the runaway child home, and he may or may not be fed at once, but he needs his mother more than his dinner. Communion with God is the one need of the soul beyond all other need: prayer is the beginning of the communion, and some need is the motive of that prayer. So begins a communion, a talking with God, a coming-to-one with Him, which is the sole end of prayer.
George MacDonald

I want that communion with God. I'm excited about that communion with God. Thank You, Lord, you do know exactly what I need. And all other "worldly" things are secondary. In the war of life, the only way to victory is the communion with God.

Random (Some Silly) Thoughts

I'm in a silly mood, maybe because to the tireness and I'm in denial. Pastor Freda told me I have to stop and take a break. I said I know... that's what I'm doing this weekend at the camp. But first I have to make it though this week. Two more days. (and good thing I did tell Pastor Freda that I've been going to Tyndale to work at night after each day of the Arts and Sports Camp) :P

So here are some of my random thoughts... heheh

Oh little red post office truck, you are my best friend. I get so excited when I see you at 10am when you drop off goodies, and at 5pm when you pick up goodies.

Spam-a-lot!!! Tomorrow night! Angie and I! I'm so excited! "Always look on the bright side of life..."

MEAT!!! We brought about 25 lbs of meat so far for camp this weekend. Imagine, that's like more then half of little Elliot at church? MMmmmm.... Elli... errr.. I mean... meat! Okay, bad image, but anyway: The University and Young Career Group is going to Emily Province for camp. Agenda: What adgenda? We are going to eat, sleep, fish, and pull camp pranks. Oh, and did I mention meat?

If you are free this weekend, come. Just let me know! And if you cannot come, then join the high school girl for Wonderland this Friday. But I bet they don't have meat.

Okay, enough silliness for now... gotta save some for the weekend.

12 Years Longer Than the National Average

"19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." ~1 Corinthians 6:19-20

After a conversation with someone, I had a over last week I had a weird brainwave. I check the Canadian national life expectancy on Stats Can, did a little math and realized I should aim to live 12 years longer than the national average. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 echo through my mind and I should honour God by taking care of my body.

This coincide with the physical examination today, to ensure Joel is healthy. I an glad Dr. Chu is my family doctor. He was very thorough in the examination, which took about an hour long. And he also included the digital examination. The sound of the snap of the latex gloves strikes fear in any man... I must remind myself I am honouring God by taking care of my body.

Oh, one last thing, thank God for lead aprons!

Trial week #1: Complete

Oh my soul groans!!! Haha... just like what I shared in today's sermon. I must admit, it was not the most polished sermon, I feel my last sermon on Philippians was much better. Then again, I had 2 weeks to prepare for that sermon while I had merely a week to prepare four sermons this week... not to mention the handful for kids I had to content with all week.

Thank God for strength as He carried me through this week. I know without His strength, there was no way I could of made it.

I just woke up from a 3 hour nap, which was much needed. Now I am well rested, I feel giddy. :P Oh, thank you Lord. May all the glory goes to you. There are lots of things I was excited about, but I will save those stories so that I won't be tempted to boost. All glory belongs to God!!!

Thank you, Lord, for the expereince. Lord, I welcome what I'll learn in week #2? And I look forward to the weekend of rest next weekend.

Home Sweet Home

It is so good to be home, to sleep in my very own bed - greeted by the smile of Mr. Carrot. It was a tiring week, but I enjoyed every moment of it. And this morning, after 10 hours of sleep, it is a new day. The Lord restored my strength, and I look forward to what the Lord has prepared for me.

Part of me feels a little lonely this weekend. Because I want to especially thank two individual who prayed for me this past week. But they are both away this weekend. Jenny is away on a retreat while Angie is away at a camping trip. I miss them both, but I guess the Lord wants me to take this opportunity to spend some quiet time with Him and preare for tomorrow's sermon.

Thank you, Lord. You knows what's best.

Arts and Sports Camp - Day 5

With the kid's presentation of Be My Guest, this concludes the 5 days Arts and Sports Camp. The kids were awesome, I'm so proud of them. I bet their parents are even more proud. Before the beginning of this week, I have no idea what kind of responsibilities are in my hand. To raise up these kids to children of God, and to aid them to discover the talents God has given them. On the first day, many of the boys were protesting the skits and dance portion of the camp, but by this evening they were stars!

Yes, I am tired. And so are the helpers. I don't remember another time in my life I was this exhausted. As soon as the kids left, I passed out laying on the stage of the chapel. My back ached and my left knee spasmed. I had to lie down through the Friday night program. And as soon as the evening program was over, I had to take a nap before I dare to drive home. But I know, by the next morning God will renew my strength. All this tireness is just temporary compared to the everlasting work done in the lives of the kids. And maybe in the future, one of these little ones will be counseling my own kids. (Scary thought right now, but I trust God's work in each of these kids)

As for the helpers, I'm so proud of them too. They surprised me by how much they grew over the last few days. They are slowly becoming great servant of Christ. They are the best! Odette, Vanna, Niki, Sam, Joel and Olvie, so much potential in their young age, surely God will continue to build them up. Leanne, Vickie and Gabriel, what can I say, their creativity never cease to amaze me. And there's always Hilda, Kasey and Sabrina, their quiet calmness were a blessing when working with the kids. I'm am excite to shepherd this group of young people.

Arts and Sports Camp - Day 4

I will finally admit that I am tired... My whole body is aching, my arms and legs feels like jello. I am going to fall asleep any minute. But I must press on... one more day with the wonderful kids. The helpers are awesome, it is amazing to watch how God is working in each and every one of them. And now all inhabition and shyness is pushed aside, it is awesome that they jumped in and lead the kids by example.

Boy...I am tired. I fell asleep updating this blog.

Today I focused on getting to know the kids better, spending one-on-one time with the quieter kids: Evan, Preston and Natalie. And also, the 90 minutes of baseball went really well. I was surprised that the kids were so excited about learn how to play baseball.

Last but not least, we had a dress rehearsal... the kids as SOOOO cute!!! The big production is tomorrow - I cannot wait!

Arts and Sports Camp - Day 3

I am covered with toilet water...

Supposedly we were to have 2 hours of soccer & games outside today with the Sr. kids while the Jr. kids were out playing mini-golf. No soccer teacher Terry today, so just me, some helper and too many kids.

I was doing my best to hold their attention while leading games but they were so eager to play soccer that all the boys were restless. So, after a short attempt to lead them in warm-ups and soccer drills, they began their soccer game while I provided skipping ropes for the girls. Well, that was good for about 15 minutes. The burning afternoon sun quickly tired them out and we were in search for another activity. And since it is a warm Wednesday afternoon, what's better than a water fight?

Well, the water fight WAS refreshing... until some kids had the bright idea that the tap took too long and the toilet bowl was a quicker option for a source of water... and the rest was, as they say, history...

Today was awesome! I was pumped this morning to serve the kids, and I started the day with high energy. Praise God, between singing and the sermon I was able to keep the kids occupied for an whole hour. Isaiah 40:29-31 came to mind as my sermon topic was on Elijah and his 40 days marathon in 1 King 19:1-11.

"29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

~Isaiah 40:29-31

As we approach the halfway point of the camp, I warn the helpers the dangers of hitting "the wall". Where the sudden exhaustion and tiredness overwhelms you... similar to about the 30km mark in a marathon. But it is the Lord who gives us strength. He will feed us and lift us up. And we must run with the goal in our mind.

*******
Please pray for the helpers... this bunch of awesome helpers poured all their energy into the kids over the past three days, they are the best. Praise God!!! But now they are getting tired. Pray that God will renew their strength tonight as they rest.

Here is the list of helpers:
Gabriel, Joel, Kasey, Leanne, Niki, Odette, Olvie, Sam, Sabrina, Vanna and Vickie

Also pray for Pastor Freda as she prepares her message for the kids tomorrow. Lastly, though energy-wise I am doing okay, pray for me for I am developing a headache. Thanks. Love you all!

Arts and Sports Camp - Pray for the kids

Please pray for the kids, 31 of them:

Evan C
Cassandra L
Natalie L
Godwin L
Alvin C
Bonar N
Preston W
Jeffrey L
Yanni W
Enoch T
Harry Y
Justin M
Joseph W
Adrian W
Erica Y
Deifilia T
Theresa W
Natalie L
Lauren S
Sally C
Bethia T
Natalie So
Brandon W
Adrian C
Christopher L
Gabriel L
Justin C
Timothy L
Joey T
Ray C
Adrew Y