Men, Prepare for battle...

The weather is getting warmer, the snow is melting away. It is that time of the year I remind my boys again, to prepare for battle...

Driving to school this morning, before turning onto Garnier St. that leads to Tyndale, I had to drive by St. Joseph's. This is the time of the year when all the catholic school girls dig out their skirts. It is ridiculous how they hike up their skirts, it sickens me. I ask myself why do they bother to put one on if the skirt does not cover anything at all!?!

My heart aches for all men who wants to be righteous. This is the time of the year where it seems like the world is out to get them. Bounce your eyes, men!

My Back...

My back gave in on me again last night... I woke up in the middle of the night and I could not fall back to sleep for two hour. The pain was excruciating. It was a pain I've never felt before, it is just above the lumber region.

Over the past month, I've been hindered by the back problems.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
~2 Cor. 4:7-9 TNIV

But with the all-surpassing power from god, I can be struck down, but not destroyed.

Take care of your...

"The pulpit is a lonely place..."
~Dr. Victor Shepherd

These words of Dr. Shepherd regularly echoes through my mind to serve as a reminder to be on guard. As His servant we are called to fight by the side of our Lord Jesus Christ. But serving as one of His officers, you become a prime target of Satan's attacks.

Ho! Get your hands down. Do not salute me. There are goddamned snipers all around this area who would love to grease an officer. I'm Lieutenant Dan Taylor. Welcome to Fourth Platoon.
~Lt. Dan, Forrest Gump

The devil and his army would love to take aim and take down a church leader. They salivate at the opportunity to create such chaos in the Christian camp. Just look at what happened to Ted Haggard or Paul Melnichuk.

Learning from one of my favorite movie, "All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)", while at times is might seem quiet on the battle front, don't go around chasing butterflies for snipers are hiding in ambush and ready to take aim.

Be alert.

Take care of your eyes...
Take care of your thoughts...
Take care of your actions...

Lust. Greed. Pride. These feelings are normal for we are human, but sin creeps in on how we act on these feelings. Come to the alter and laid these thoughts and feelings at Jesus feet.

In ministry there is this moral code, and if you break it you are done.
~Dr. Fred Penny

The Storehouse of His Bounty

The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none.
~Deut 28:12

http://www.thestar.com/News/article/187986

After reading this Toronto Star article, I was really upset. The story of Ananias and Sapphira from Acts 5:1-11 came into mind. No, I do not wish the individuals in the above article to drop dead for that judgment ultimately belongs to God. But in the mist of the followers sharing the things they have for body of Christ, how shall we handle the leaders who are misusing God's resources for their own benefits. Yes, in Deut. 28:12 it did say that The LORD will open the heavens to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. But I guess these leaders forgot the second part of this passage, that they will lend to many nations and advance God's mission.

But I'll first remove the plank from eye. Lord, let me be responsible for the resources you have graciously provided for my. My I be diligent in how I use these resources and be of good steward.

The Paradoxical Life

Let [the person] who cannot be alone beware of comminuty. Let [the person] who is not in community beware of alone.
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Of one of the many paradoxes in life, we need both community and solitude. "Human beings were made for relationships: without a rich and nourishing network of connections, we wither and die... At the same time, we were made for solitude. Our lives may be rich in relationships, but the human self remains a mystery of enfolded inwardness that no other person can possibly enter or know. If we fail to embrace our ultimate aloneness and seek meaning only in communion with others, we wither and die." ~Parker J. Palmer

In light of what I've been experiencing recently, I have realized that is the essence of "connecting". With my headache and bad back, I have withdrew into solitude. When Rev. Lau challenged me today why I did not seek support from the church and community, I realized one of my weakness have surface. The temptation to solve problems on my own. But the idea of sharing each other's burdens and pains in the process of connecting with others and with ourselves.

Lord, thank you for helping me see my weaknesses.

Will the good guys always win?

From Genesis 39:

The LORD was with Joseph and he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master. When his master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD gave him success in everything he did, Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned.
(v 2-4)

The Lord was with Joseph and He blessed Joseph even though Joseph was sold as a slave...

How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?" And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her.
(v 9b, 10)

And Joseph loved the Lord and refuse to sin against God.

Joseph's master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king's prisoners were confined.
(v 20a)

The reward for Joseph's love for the Lord? He was thrown into prison.

We cannot help but ask, how come these things happens to those who love the Lord? This is one of the biggest misconception of being a Christian. We grew up reading fairy tales and stories with plots telling us that in the end good things will fall upon the good guys? That's only "fair". But no, Joel, that what it said in the Bible too...

However, there should be no poor among you, for in the land the LORD your God is giving you to possess as your inheritance, he will richly bless you, if only you fully obey the LORD your God and are careful to follow all these commands I am giving you today.
~Deut. 15:4, 5

So didn't the Bible teach us that if we obey, we will be blessed? Yes. But are these blessings found in the world? Or is it in the kingdom to come?

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. "
~Mark 8:34

Jesus said if we are to follow him, we must take up our cross... By taking up our cross, we will suffer pain and die. Where's the "blessings" in that? When we love the Lord, the devil hates it, and therefore the world hates it. Therefore the world will try to nail us to the cross, and many time the world will succeed in doing so. But by following the Lord, we are not part of this world, and thus our blessings and rewards in not found here.

Christians, when you follow Christ, don't not expect it will be smooth sailing. I can guarantee you that it won't be. Instead, expect suffering, and rest your hopes in the kingdom to come.

The Dare

Dare To Move
by Switchfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
Lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

At times, life seems like a dare. We can refuse to accept the dare and let life passes us by, or we can take the leap of faith the accept the dare as a challenge. What is the consequences of the dare? If you fail at the dare: Humiliation. Embarrassment. Defeat. Rejection. If you succeed: Triumph. Achievement. Liberating. Growth.

Humiliation. Embarrassment. Defeat. Rejection. These are all extremely traumatic experiences. There is an inert fear in everyone of us to avoid these experiences if possible. Does the exultation of succeeding at a dare out-weights the possibility of these traumatic experience.

Two biblical characters came in mind. Jonah (because we are currently studying the book of Jonah) and Jacob.

Jonah. At the call to witness to the people in Nineveh (Assyrians), the brutally violent most hated enemies of Israel, Jonah refuse to accept the dare and fled. He did not want to face the ridicule of the people of Nineveh, or worst, face to crudity at the hands of these people. Also he did not think these people deserves the mercy of God. What happened to Jonah? In the belly of a fish... good as dead...

Jacob. When given the opportunity of meet face to face with God, what did he do? He took the dare and wrestled God. Is he out of his mind? The consequences of wrestling with God is far more serious than humiliation, embarrassment, defeat or rejection. It could cause him his life. Yet in the end, God blessed him

Jonah seek to save his life, but 'lost' it. Jacob took the dare that could of caused him his life, find life.

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
~Matt 10:39

Do you dare?

One Short Day In The Emerald City

One Short Day In The Emerald City
"Come with me to the emerald city."

one short day in the emerald city.

"hope. i've always wanted to see the emerald city!"

one short day in the emerald city.....

one short day in the emerald city,
one short day, for there's so much to do!
every way, that you look in the city,
there's something excusite.
none to visit, before the day's through.

there are buildings tall as quats with trees.
dress salons, and libraries!
palaces, museums, 100 scrons.
there are wonders like I've never seen,
it's all grand!
and it's all green!
i think we've found the place were we belong!
i want to be, in this hoyologe!
so I'll be back for good some day
to make my life and make my way,
before today we'll wonder and enjoy!

one short day in the emerald city.
one short day, to have a life time of fun!
one short day,
and we're warning the city,
now that we're in here, you'll know we've been here,
before we are done!

"Elphee, come one! we'll be late for wizamania!"

whose the sage, whose savior?
aterararius! making all us marrier!
whose the sage? who saved me?
tell them to save, artararius!

whose a doose provide,
air baloony.
as all of us funny moonie!
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
isn't he wonderful?
our wonderful wizard!

part 1&2

part 1:
one short day! in the emerald city!
one short day to have a life time of fun!

part 2:
whose the sage, whose savior?
aterararius! making all of us marrier!
whose the sage? who saved me?
tell them to save, artararius!

one away to be seeing the city!

where so many rome to,
we'll call it home too!
then just like now, we can stay.

we're just 2 friends,
2 good friends.
2 best friends.
sharring a wonderful one short...

"The wizard will see you now!"

Dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

When Elphaba and Galinda arrived at the Emerald City to meet the Wonderful Wizard of Oz, they were filled with expectation and awe. Hence the above upbeat number "One Short Day In The Emerald City". However, with out spoiling the story, they were met with disappointment. The highly anticipated wonderful wizard was not who they though would be.

Both Elphaba and Galinda thought one day they will return to the Emerald City for good: "so I'll be back for good some day // to make my life and make my way". But just as most self-proclaimed, exceedingly high expectations will eventually come crashing down, this was truth for these two best friends.

I have had the songs for Wicked in my mind all week this week, and this serves as a reminder for me not to place exceedingly high expectation on things of the world. More precisely, similar to Elphaba and Galinda, not to place high expectations on a certain trip in July. Yes, it is exciting and I look forward to this trip with high anticipation for various reasons. I must focus on the task and calling I have at hand and "Be strong and do the work." (1 Chronicles 28: 10 ff)

Am I Real?

"You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
~Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Life is a process of becoming. You either become who you were meant to be, or you become who you were not. One way or another, you become somebody. And this process of becoming is a long process.

Today, I questioned myself how do I become a footnote in the lives of those I minister to?

I have to be vulnerable, be transparent, smooth out my sharp edges, and open up myself to be loved. This process is usually painful -- most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But his is the only way to become real to those who I minister to. In order to touch the lives of my congregation with my live, I stand vulnerable, exposed, naked. It might not be a pretty sight, "but these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

What is in Tomorrow?

13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
~James 4:13-17

In my preaching class today we were practicing our exegetical skills by extracting the subject and the compliment from a passage of Scripture. I love this class for the new insights I am getting from the Scriptures. As we were flying through verse after verse, James 4:13-17 stopped my right in my tracks.

In the recent weeks, I was so preoccupied by the future, I fear that I was boasting and bragging about it. I need to be more sensitive to the will of God.

Joel the Footnote

Some must have wondered why did I change my MSN name from Joel the Barnacle to Joel the Footnote.

From www.dictionary.com:
foot·note /ˈfʊtˌnoʊt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciati[foot-noht] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, -not·ed, -not·ing. –noun

1.	an explanatory or documenting note or comment at the bottom of a page, referring to a specific part of the text on the page.

2.	a minor or tangential comment or event added or subordinated to a main statement or more important event.

–verb (used with object)

3.	to add a footnote or footnotes to (a text, statement, etc.); annotate: to footnote a dissertation.

Learning from the experience in Urbana, coming back home to be a mobilizer to my congregation. I want the Lord to do great works through the members of my congregation.

He must become greater; I must become less.
~John 3:30

As I am call to disciple God's servants, I don't want them to me like me. Through my ministry, I want my congregation to become like God. I just want to be a minor or tangential comment or event added or subordinated to a main statement or more important event. That more import event is God's story unfolding in their lives. So that I will be forgotten as a mere footnote while the Gospel is glorified.

The Journey... springboarding from Urbana

Learning from my experience in Thailand and Vietnam, I purposely let several weeks past by before composing a reflection on my experience on Urbana 06. Sorry for those who were looking for my thought on Urbana over the past weeks, but I realize that if I wrote something right away it will be mostly hype and emotions. Therefore I took the past few weeks to let the whole Urbana experience sink deep into my core.

As mentioned in Jenny's reflection on Urbana, the two of us had the unexpected yet delightful opportunity to spend the Urbana week together. We were prepared to not see each other through the whole week, but for some reason we ran into each other in the mist of 22,000 people and we had the opportunity to have our daily walk and chat - on what the experience at Urbana means to our relationship. Throughout the week, I also had the opportunity to witness how Jenny works and interact with her fellow student workers. This was refreshing and comforting because through her stay in Toronto she was the one meeting all my friends and family and it was good to see her with her friends and the chance to meet her friends.

Also, being part of the pastoral track and choosing to focusing on mobilization in my seminar selection, I was blessed with wonderful messages and challenges. Okay, by this point you are wondering and questioning: "Joel, what was God's calling for you at Urbana." This is my cope out answer - I realize that God is calling me to mobilize my congregation while waiting for God to lead me to my next step.

That is all I am going to say about "my calling", because I realized that is not the most important thing I got out of Urbana. While I would continue to encourage those in my congregation that was challenged and was called at Urbana, I would also remind them that a calling is a process - a journey. In seeking God's purpose for you, it is not like "BOOM!" and you suddenly know what God has planned for you. And even if you realized God has call you into a ministry, it is rarely you move from "minding your our life" directly into "fully immersed in ministry". Usually it is a gradual process - a process of patience and wrestling.

On realizing this, it made me take a step back. This was exactly what Jenny realized when we were sharing on the drive home from Urbana. Man, that is why I'm falling in love with her! God uses her to challenge me and my ministry. She was able to discern this immediately at the end of Urbana while it took me 3 week. :P

How many times I have heard these words:

• "I wish I can be in China right NOW serving the Lord."
• "I wish I can drop everything I'm doing and serve the Lord."
• "Why cannot our worship at church be better NOW."
• "Why can't I know NOW exactly what God wants me to do."
  

Yes, it is great to get direction from the Lord on where He wants you to be. But IMHO, I do not think that is God's biggest concern. He knows you will get there eventually. What He IS interested in is your journey, how you will wrestle and struggle on this journey, and how you will grow. This is why God rarely waves His magic wand and changes an individual immediately.

To struggle and to wrestle...

"You have a calling..." But in order to "live worthy of your calling" involves wrestling with the Lord and asking Him to bend you and break you so that you will fit into the calling God has for you.

God is interested in growth. But as a church leader we have a tendency to focus too much on facilitating on this growth. Let God worry about the growth. He is the master gardener. :) Learning from Rick Warren at Urbana, we don't have to worry too much about the grow. Just keep you congregation alive. And all living things grow!

On a final note. We are back in Toronto. The youths are back into their normal lives at school. And Jenny is back in Vancouver. I am glad that Jenny is back in Vancouver. This gives us a chance to wrestle with what God has given us.

Conversations

Just came home from Ottawa/Montreal/Quebec City. Near 20 hours of driving over the past 3 days. From the Parliament Hill, to St Joseph Oratory, to Petite Champlain, the highlight of the trip were the conversations we had.

From our past, our present or our future, we covered it all -- including certain topic I was afraid of bringing up since our relationship began. God is gracious. He has filled her with love and mercy. Thank you, Lord, for filling her with the prayer of Col 3:13:

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

I am left speechless -- in awe of God's love. I asked her why, and she said in response "I'm learning to be like Jesus." Jenny still amazes me with her faith just as the day we first met. There is so much I can learn from the Lord and from her. I only pray that I can be the example for her as she has been for me.

blessed.

blessed. I feel extremely blessed. I cannot put into words the richness and the overwhelming joy. The support from Angie, my family, and friends.

On Thursday night during the Seminary Christmas Coffeehouse, I was blessed with the countless words of encouragement from my fellow classmates and facility. I was busying running around take photos and taking care of council matters, at time I'd left Jenny alone socializing with others. And boy, she was an angel.

To me, the highlight of the night came when we were about to leave. After a night of praises and encouragements, as I was stepping out of the cafe Andrea suddenly calls me, "Joel!" I peeked my head back through the doors and Andrea gives me two thumbs up and said "I like her."

Thank you, Lord. I am overflowing with your joy. All night, one verse echoed in my mind:

[Joel] is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
~Prov 31:23

However, the more I feel blessed, the more fear I have for the future. But I was blessed with a wonderful conversation with Jenny what calmed many fears. Thank you, Lord, for reassuring us as we discovered we are on the same page in terms of intimacy and vision. Thank you for those are praying for us. Candy, come back from England and we've got some much to thank you for.

Now that F06 is done...

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
~Phil 4:8

Now that this past term is done... time to celebrate. Time to relax. Time to relax. But best of all, Jenny will be in town tomorrow and we'll get to Christmas together. When we said our goodbyes back in Hong Kong International Airport this past July, December seem so far away. And in a blink of an eye, that day it tomorrow.

But in the mist of all the excitement, I must remember the challenges and growth opportunities ahead. There will be times where emotions will run wild, but don't mine me saying again:

Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
~Proverbs 4:23

Think about what's true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praise worthy.

I would like to revisit the notion, what is love? Not the worldly notion of love, but God glorifying love. Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable. The challenge is to keep these things in mind for the next two weeks.

Last but not least, Candy, thank you for all your prayer. And with your daily prayers, I will keep my word and we will celebrate when you return from England.

One more thing, I thought this while I was driving. Even though I'm going to take these few weeks as a challenge and an opportunity to grow from God, and I must not let my guard down, this should not stop me from having fun in the Lord. Not to hang my head low because of a challenge and trials, but to "Rejoice in the Lord always" (Phil 4:4).

Be Strong and Do The Work

NIV 1 Chronicles 28:9 "And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. 10 Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work."

People watching

People watching
by Jack Johnson
Sing-A-Longs & Lullabies for the Film Curious George [SOUNDTRACK]

Well I'm just people watching
The other people watching me
And we're all people watching
The other people watching we
We're as lonely as we wanted to be
We're all as lonely as we wanted to be
Just as lonely as we wanted to be
I'm just you, you're just me
But it's only true if we believe
Well there really ain't no use in stopping
What nobody never told me not to do
So I'll keep people watching, watching me now
Finding my way back to you
We're as lonely as we wanted to be
We're all as lonely as we wanted to be
I'm just as lonely as I wanted to be
I'm just you, you're just me
But it's only true if we believe
I see so many feet going so many ways
People passing by, they got nothing to say
All on our own, just watching and confused
Nobody told me what to do
I can't stop breaking all the rules
And I'm just people watching
The other people watching me
We're all people watching
The other people watching we
We're as lonely as we wanted to be
We're not so lonely as we wanted to be
I'm just as lonely as I wanted to be
Not so lonely
Lonely, lonely, lonely

The Seminary Student Council was volunteering at Fairview Mall today for the Salvation Army manning the Christmas Kettles. I was the first one to arrive at 3:00p while the rest of them will come after classes at 4:30p. My job was to stand next to the kettle with the Salvation Army red vest on, and smile... simple enough.

Standing there in the middle of the mall by myself, time ticked by slowly. What made time go by slower was the fact that I was posted opposite from a jewelry story which had a grandfather clock in plain sight.

{tick} {tick} {tick}

I kept reciting Phil 2:14 in my head:

"Do everything without complaining or arguing"

To pass time, I began to hum "People Watching" by Jack Johnson while I watched people. I learned so much in the hour and a half of observations.

The Widow's Offering

41Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. 42But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny.

43Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 44They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on."

~Mark 12:41-44

Jesus was too people watching at the temple - Watching people put large sums of money into the temple treasury. I also watched people put large sums of money into the kettle. There were these two ladies I would describe the "Pharisee ladies". One took out a loonie and just before she deposited the coin she loudly exclaimed: "I do this every year, and next year I'm planning to make a large donation!"

{sigh}

Then there are those who sneak up to the kettle and quickly make a donation... I would turn my head and suddenly there will be someone right in front of me. And they would be gone before I can say thank you and Merry Christmas. This was the case with one lady, suddenly appeared, deposited $100 and gone.

God bless them, bless their meek and gentle spirit.

What touched my heart the most today was this little boy, around 10 - 12 years old. Came by the kettle and push some coins out of his pockets and toss them into the kettle. Touched by his act of kindness at such a young age, I bowed and said "thank you, sir, and have a Merry Christmas" as he smiled and hurried off. 5 minutes later, the same boy came out of Shopper's Drug Mart now with a big chocolate bar in his hands grab the remaining change he had and tossed it into the kettle, saying "that all I have."

May God bless this little boy. And thank You, Lord, for challenging me through the actions of this little boy.

Investigate my life...

Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.
~Ps 139:23-24 (The Message)

See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong... see for yourself the slime in my life. Show me that I'm swimming in murk. I should feel dirty, and uncomfortable. Yet, my sinfulness finds pleasure and comfort in this warm murk. And it is slowly drowning me without me realizing it.

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

~Ps 40:1,2 (NIV)

Yet the Lord lifted me out of the slimy pit, cleaned me up, and wrapped a royal robe around me. How can it be? Thank you Lord. What else can I do be to sing your praise?

How Can I Keep From Singing Lyrics
By Chris Tomlin

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels

This song has been in my mind for the past month, ever since the CD came out and arrived at our student council office. What line that touched me the most is "And though the storms may come//I am holding on//To the rock I cling" So Joel's metamorphosis continues... from Joel the Malleable to Joel the Barnacle. No point in being willing to be pounded my God without doing in return but to lie there and wait for the Lord to pick me up. Like the barnacle, I will still endure the waves and pounding of life, but in the meantime, cling on to God.

Connecting with Myself

It is one of those double blog entries days... I guess to make up for my lack of blogging over the past two months.

Rev Lau said to me many many times, in order to connect with God, we must first connect with ourselves. And I guess over the last week I am learning how to connect with myself. Thank God for Kaarina, during a break from work I was able to hop into Kaarina's office to share with her what's on my mind. Thank God for the time of prayer and for the encouragement You have spoken through her.

I have a type-A personality. Go! Go! Go! I like to carry a full plate. And I rely on my wits and efficient to get me out of various situations. I'm usually composed, calm, and acts as though things are under control while in my mind I am sorting through the chaos. Over the past few years, I learn to accept that there are time things are not under my control so I learn to take things as they come.

What does this have to do with anything?

I am beginning to see how I usually rely on my strength to get myself out of trouble. And I have learned over the last year that the source of my strength is from the Lord. And when things are out of my control, I'd say I'll have "faith" in the Lord. But this week showed me that at time I seek the source of faith in myself.

The Message Luke 17:5The apostles came up and said to the Master, "Give us more faith."

6But the Master said, "You don't need more faith. There is no 'more' or 'less' in faith. If you have a bare kernel of faith, say the size of a poppy seed, you could say to this sycamore tree, 'Go jump in the lake,' and it would do it.

The is no 'more' or 'less' in faith. Faith comes from God, and all we need is faith as small a mustard seed. "Joel, stop relying on yourself. Ground your faith in the Lord. And let His will be done through you."

In His Grip

I am reminded of what Dr. Shepherd said in Systematic Theology. It is not how strong our grip is on God that matters, it is ultimately about how strong God's grip is on us. We can grip him as strong as the barnacles do, but we have to let him grip hold of us.