I tried not let the events of the weekend get to me and maintained my focus on God. But it is difficult, and psychologically and emotionally I'm taking a beating. I know in the end, God's glory will be show is all of this, but at in my human weakness my heart do weaver at times. I'm learning that I thought I had the faith to carry me through this, but in reality that my faith is based on my ignorance and not rooted in God.
I am learning that it is okay to worry, but just trust God has supreme authority over the situation. Today I learn that my insurance had not yet settled, and there is a very slight chance that it will be 50-50 at fault. I know that odds are that I will be fully covered, but just the thought of the chance that it is 50-50, the fear that I would not able to afford another vehicle, it was enough to overwhelm me. It was enough to plant that seed of doubt. Oh, how little faith do I have?
Talking to Frederick tonight, he asked me about my lost ipod. I told him I'm not too worry, I'm sure it will turn up in time... but in reality, am I not worry? No, I am worry. And I am upset at the fact that I cannot listen to my audio Bible, sermons or even my music to calm my nerves through the turmoil in my mind. Maybe it is God's way of ensure me the quietness in my heart to think this whole situation through.
Please help me with your prayers... pray for endurance...
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